[Chopin99]

I wanted to write this post to encourage others. Many of us (including me) sometimes get discouraged in therapy. We might think it's never going to work, or end, or we encounter bad T behavior, or terminations, or get lost in the mental health system. I wanted to write about my own success story; not to brag or get attention. I want people to know it can get better. We can find healing. The only "controversial" thing I will say about it is that the main component of your healing is you. You have to be willing to work really hard to change. There is no magic formula or pill (though psych meds are a huge help !).

It's been almost a year since I have posted with any regularity, so I'll give a little of my background. I grew up as an only child in a strict household. My mom suffered from depression, anxiety, paranoia, OCD, and agoraphobia. Neither of my parents graduated from high school and my mom's mission was for me to succeed. I was enrolled in a very strict parochial school. My childhood was full of religious abuse and bullying at the school and a vacillating combination of neglect, overprotection, and authoritarianism at home. I inherited my mom's depression and anxiety. I entered young adulthood with obvious BPD. I made lots of bad decisions and made a couple of attempts on my life. I sought help at age 27, saw a pdoc for meds (anti-anxiety, psychotic, and depression, and mood stabilizer) upon being diagnosed with BPD, OCPD, bipolar, MDD, and GAD. I went through two years of therapy consisting primarily of DBT. After this, I was able to cope well enough to drop the mood stabilizer and anti-psychotic and the bipolar diagnosis was dropped. I went back into therapy at age 32 for nine months to treat what had become full-blown OCD which got me into some considerable trouble at work and in my personal life. After this round of therapy, the diagnoses of BPD, OCPD, AND OCD were dropped.

It was a given that depression and anxiety would always be present and I still fight them and take meds for these. Both of these rounds of therapy were rather normal with minimum attachment to the T's because they were skill-based. I needed to learn those skills before I could handle this inevitable 3rd round of therapy which started almost 3 years ago. I have written extensively about this round of therapy here at PC. I've been cheered and criticized, my T's been cheered and criticized...and I took it all to heart. I got too wrapped up here, so I stopped writing here and decided to do what was best for me.

At the beginning of 2013, I chose a word for the year to live by: brave. I have grown by leaps and bounds; particularly in the last 4-6 months. I had to get over myself. All the changes that have occurred have been decisions. I chose to realize my inherent worth as a person. I chose to develop boundaries in my life and to respect the boundaries of others. I chose to mourn the many losses I've had in my life. I chose to not care what other people think of me. I chose to stop over sharing with people. I chose to do what I think is right for me. I chose to return to school to pursue the career I had in mind 15 years ago when I chose psychology as my major in college; to be a T. Then the year culminated in the biggest act of bravery right before Christmas... I quit the job I'd held for 14 years that was sucking the life out of me with no other job lined up. My identity was wrapped in my career, but I chose not to allow it to define me anymore. My identity is Chopin (well, actually my name, but you get the point ).

I am now moving into the final stages of therapy. My T believes I could not have proceeded into this current stage as long as I was still working that job (this final step will be the hardest). Since she told me that, I realized that for the past year she'd been patiently waiting for me to figure all these things out while providing gentle guidance and support.

Here is something funny (and the other controversial thing). If you've been here for 2+ years, you might remember this turmoil. I used to be a bit obsessed about being friends with my T when my therapy is done. I had asked her once about it about 9 months in and she bungled it badly, telling me yes, then telling me we'd discuss it at the end of therapy, then telling me absolutely not, then telling me if it was meant to be it would happen, then telling me absolutely not again. I decided it no longer mattered. Interestingly enough, she has chosen me to build her website for her practice which is turning into a long-term commitment because I'm to be her overall marketing strategist and webmaster in a practice that is to become a 501(c)3 and grow into providing other kinds of services. I am being paid to do this. Is this hurting my therapeutic relationship with her? Absolutely not! It is strengthening it. We discussed this in depth yesterday while working on the site and marketing strategy.

All that to say this. I came up with her mission statement, which I told her is a wonderful concept because as her client, I know what she has done for me and it's summed up thusly: Helping you find your path to wholeness and healing. That is exactly what she's done. She allowed me to find my own way. That is what a good T does. That is the kind of T that I want to be.

T said 2.5 years ago, "There is healing. I promise you, Chopin, there is healing."

She kept her promise. There is healing. There is also hope. Thanks for reading.

Thankyou so much for sharing Well done for surviving all these years and stages.

[elliemay]

I think once that *choice* switch gets flipped... Once the idea that "while it may never have been that way in the past, I have some control now" get entrenched, things change don't they?

It's a life changer. I'm very happy for you!

[sweepy62]

its nice to hear from you again choppin, i have missed you, i am happy for you, are you going to be friends after your termination. My t is leaving so I dont have the chance to finish therapy once again, this is the second time again, I will be starting over reluctantly with a new t as of january 30th and I am heart broken.

[stopdog]

I do not think of therapists as healers nor do I really think I am looking to be healed.
But I am glad to hear it is going well for you.

[Asiablue]

I LOVE this post, so full of hope and encouragement. Well done on your journey!

[Chopin99]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I think once that *choice* switch gets flipped... Once the idea that "while it may never have been that way in the past, I have some control now" get entrenched, things change don't they?

They sure do. It's nice not to get locked into thinking I can't change my own how I react to my circumstances or thought processes. Now when I go to that place, I remind myself that indeed I can change things. Very powerful.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

its nice to hear from you again choppin, i have missed you, i am happy for you, are you going to be friends after your termination. My t is leaving so I dont have the chance to finish therapy once again, this is the second time again, I will be starting over reluctantly with a new t as of january 30th and I am heart broken.

Hey sweepy! I'm sorry you are going through what's happening in your therapy. I don't anticipate being friends with T. I will interact with her related to her website once therapy ends. I would rather her mentor me through T school than be my friend. She told me several months ago that she would, but it would have to be 2 years after therapy ends. I think that will change now that we have established that so few people know (or care) I am her client. We'll see.

[tennisteam]

Thank you for posting this. I'm inspired, hopeful and in awe of what you have done.

[Rzay4]

Wow so inspirational thanks for sharing. :-)

[whatawhat]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

I want people to know it can get better. We can find healing. The only "controversial" thing I will say about it is that the main component of your healing is you. You have to be willing to work really hard to change.

At the beginning of 2013, I chose a word for the year to live by: brave. I have grown by leaps and bounds; particularly in the last 4-6 months. I had to get over myself. All the changes that have occurred have been decisions. I chose to realize my inherent worth as a person. I chose to develop boundaries in my life and to respect the boundaries of others. I chose to mourn the many losses I've had in my life. I chose to not care what other people think of me. I chose to stop over sharing with people. I chose to do what I think is right for me. I chose to return to school to pursue the career I had in mind 15 years ago when I chose psychology as my major in college; to be a T. Then the year culminated in the biggest act of bravery right before Christmas... I quit the job I'd held for 14 years that was sucking the life out of me with no other job lined up. My identity was wrapped in my career, but I chose not to allow it to define me anymore. My identity is Chopin (well, actually my name, but you get the point ).

I am now moving into the final stages of therapy. My T believes I could not have proceeded into this current stage as long as I was still working that job (this final step will be the hardest). Since she told me that, I realized that for the past year she'd been patiently waiting for me to figure all these things out while providing gentle guidance and support.

All that to say this. I came up with her mission statement, which I told her is a wonderful concept because as her client, I know what she has done for me and it's summed up thusly: Helping you find your path to wholeness and healing. That is exactly what she's done. She allowed me to find my own way. That is what a good T does. That is the kind of T that I want to be.

T said 2.5 years ago, "There is healing. I promise you, Chopin, there is healing."

She kept her promise. There is healing. There is also hope. Thanks for reading.

I love this! Very inspirational. I have hope again. Thanks!

thank you for sharing ♥

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I think once that *choice* switch gets flipped... Once the idea that "while it may never have been that way in the past, I have some control now" get entrenched, things change don't they?

It's a life changer. I'm very happy for you!

I agree. I'm so happy for you Chopin. Congrats! Thanks for posting something so positive.

[Nightlight]

It's great to hear how you're doing. I was so brave when I first started therapy, but I think perhaps I should be aiming for a whole new level of brave this year so that I keep moving forwards. I might have to come back to reread your post if I feel my bravery wavering!