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Old Mar 02, 2014, 12:25 AM
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Stronger Stronger is offline
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Been seeing him for 4 months now. Thought he was a good fit. But the last few times have been frustrating. I just feel like he's not understanding what I'm trying to say.
I've already had 4 counselors over the years. More than half were pretty lousy. What's wrong with me?! Why can't I connect with my counselors better??
Grrr. I see him again on Monday. I really really hope that we don't have another one of those sessions.

Thanks for listening to my somewhat pointless rant.
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  #2  
Old Mar 02, 2014, 12:34 AM
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Victoria'smom Victoria'smom is online now
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What makes you feel he doesn't understand you? There's nothing wrong with you. Therapy is almost like dating you go through a lot of them to find one that works well.
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  #3  
Old Mar 02, 2014, 05:02 AM
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Lamplighter Lamplighter is offline
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Could say 'snap' here, I have this problem with my T too (actually I have it with every T, but the latest one is particularly painful because like you, I initially thought we were a good fit.)

It is my lifelong 'issue' that of feeling unheard not understood wiped out dismissed negated - so I tend to assume that a large part of my experiencing T as not understanding what I'm trying to say is my own stuff. BUT that doesn't mean that T does understand everything. I've also learned that my T actually doesn't understand a lot of what I mean, and I try to be careful to explain myself as clearly as I can, and if I still feel unheard or not understood, I'll repeat and repeat and repeat (often without realizing it) until I think he's got it.

The point being that because his experience is different from mine, he actually doesn't automatically get a lot of what I'm describing (it would be useful if he asked a few more questions that would let me know he both doesn't understand and would give me the opportunity to explain more )

This is just to say that maybe you could effectively labour a point, let your T know that you don't feel understood and see what kind of response that gets you. It's perfectly possible that some Ts simply don't and won't ever get your experience - I've had my fair share of those!

Hopefully you will be able to pre-empt having one of 'those' sessions tomorrow and talk about what is going on for you. Good luck!

LL
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Thanks for this!
Stronger
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