[Freewilled]

Why do my feelings get buried down deep on the day of my appointment? I swear, I start doubting my need for therapy and start acting all fine and whatnot. It's like I have to work hard to keep my mind on the "bad" stuff but then I'm like, wtf?! I'm going to therapy to STOP feeling that way! Ugh. Why must it seem to make no sense half the time?? /:

[HazelGirl]

Can you talk to your T about this? I find the same thing happens to me, but my T knows it does. She knows how to get me to move past that inner block and actually get to things that are bothering me.

[Fuzzybear]

I can relate to that inner block too....
(probably a very frustrating patient/client - me)

[someone321]

I also can relate... Whenever my T asks how I feel I always say "good" because this is exactly how I feel when I am at ther office... And it doesn't matter if 30 minutes earlier I felt terrible - during the session I am always okay... i guess that's why my T encourage mailing - to get to know how I feel outside her office...

But maybe your feelings actually do not mean that you should stop the therapy but something really opposite? Is it something what you could address with your T?

[healingme4me]

Takes time, sometimes, to wipe the 'everything is fine', smile, from ones face.

Fear of vulnerability, perhaps?

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[NWgirl2013]

For me, that is always what writing things down is about. I can put it out there, leave it, and go on to feeling whatever I am feeling in the moment. I just don't have the energy to carry around the bad stuff.

Maybe try that; make a few notes while you are struggling. Then if you go to your appointment in an upbeat mood, Great! You can still pull out those brief notes to address that you were feeling crappy the day or week before, and talk about it.

Having a good day is Always progress in my book. I count every one as a victory. You can too...

[Faking sane]

If it helps you to know you have company, I am the same with. Same with going to the doctor for fibromyalgia. I don't want to appear weak or vulnerable, so I keep myself in check. I also need to stop doing that!

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[Mactastic]

I also shut down and feel much better during sessions. It's so frustrating!

[sweepy62]

I always say fine, but inside im screaming, and throwing tantrums, my old never bought the " im fine" so she played the silent thing which she knew aggravated me and so that got me going. With this new t, which I see tomorrow for the second time she knows stuff from my old t, and says she is going to concentrate on feelings and emotions. But maybe your afraid of vulnerability?

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Why do my feelings get buried down deep on the day of my appointment? I swear, I start doubting my need for therapy and start acting all fine and whatnot. It's like I have to work hard to keep my mind on the "bad" stuff but then I'm like, wtf?! I'm going to therapy to STOP feeling that way! Ugh. Why must it seem to make no sense half the time?? /:

This is totally me!

I feel awesome on therapy day and work usually goes really well and I have a lot of energy.

I hate being vulnerable and I'm pretty good at putting on a smile when I see other people.

Also, I get embarrassed sharing how awful things are.

Sometimes, I don't confess my bad feelings or bad behaviors until months after it occurs! It's easier for me to talk about it in retrospect.

As in, "I'm fine now but here's a time when I wasn't fine and I'm ready to tell you about it now."

I do write things down, too. And once I handed over a journal-type entry where I sound like a depressed crazy person and I said, "This is what's in my brain."

[Freewilled]

Thanks everyone - you definitely helped me not feel so alone I actually had a good session tonight and even though I held back some, I spiraled a tiny bit closer to it. My T was really helpful and I am thankful I went. I almost didn't but decided to go in the opposite direction of my m.o. and try something new out. I still *hate* that I turn off automatically like that but it is what it is, I guess.

And yes, vulnerability has been a HUGE issue for me. My T has pointed it out. It's almost like when you've been hurt, you lose that part that is able to be vulnerable. Suddenly, you're so hyper aware that you can't even fathom how to start being vulnerable or what it means even. Or maybe even be able to realize that you're not being vulnerable in the first place. Eh - hard to explain......Whereas if there isn't that same kind of betrayal, the vulnerability might happen more automatically. At least, that's how it's been for me.

[Espresso]

I feel the same way most of the time. At my last appointment, I was in a horrible state, and I actually thought "Yes! Finally I'll have something to talk about!" I know I can be very frustrating to them because of this. They've told me a few times that they can't help me if I don't tell them anything.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

I always say fine, but inside im screaming, and throwing tantrums, my old never bought the " im fine" so she played the silent thing which she knew aggravated me and so that got me going. With this new t, which I see tomorrow for the second time she knows stuff from my old t, and says she is going to concentrate on feelings and emotions. But maybe your afraid of vulnerability?

I always tell my T I am doing okay. Apparently she is able to tell by my body language when that is the truth and when it is not... When she feels that I am not telling her the truth...she will say "okay now how are you really doing"