[grimtopaz]

I am a bisexual woman who has been seeing a straight, female therapist for 1 year. I am married to a man. I have never directly addressed my sexual orientation with my therapist.
I did tell my therapist about a 7 month relationship I had with a woman approximately 3 years ago. I made it clear that the relationship had an emotional component, that is, it wasn't just sexual.
My therapist made no mention about the person's gender and just proceeded to ask me questions about the nature of our relationship. I did perceive her as being somewhat uncomfortable and tensing up her muscles, but I could be reading too much into it. At no point did my T. ask me about my sexual orientation, which I found to be rather puzzling since it's a large part of my identity.

Should I just assume that she has "deduced" I am bi? For those who have discussed their sexual orientation with their T, what is a good way to directly bring it up?

Thank you!

[Leah123]

Sexual orientation isn't a large part of everyone's identity, so your T may not know or presume it's an important part of yours if you haven't shared that.

I'm also bisexual, married, have had previous relationships with women, which my therapist knows, she also happens to be heterosexual.

Perhaps it's just a non-issue for your therapist- she doesn't care to question the 'whys' of your orientation and is more interested in looking at your individual relationships and what works or doesn't and addressing that.

I think if you want orientation to be an issue you address, you're right, it requires bringing it up directly: by definition, she'll already know you are bisexual as you've had intimate relationships with both genders. If you want to discuss what that means to you or any difficulties, I would just say:

"Hey, my sexual orientation is a large part of my identity. I want to talk some to you about it, are you okay with that?"

Then she'll likely say sure and be happy to hear more.

Sometimes... simple's best.

As for me, the issue of my sexuality came up in therapy when I told my therapist about getting married. I shared that prior to my marriage, I was primarily oriented toward women, and that it was something I was honest with my husband about, and that's how I think it first came up in therapy, just with me talking about some of my history.

We've discussed it probably..... three or four times since then.

[Yearning0723]

My T actually asked me my sexual orientation in our first session, but probably because she's also a lesbian and works with a lot of LGBT people so it's just a question she's used to asking. Maybe you could just bring up that it's something that's important to you and then go from there?

[learning1]

I've always just told my therapists near the beginning of therapy that I'm bi. I usually start talking about men I'm dating and the therapist starts using male pronouns for dating, and then I tell them that I date men or women. Some of them talk about it a little. But I decided I was bi when I was in college in an environment that I felt was pretty supportive to alternative orientations, so it hasn't been a big deal for me.
I think since it's on your mind, it's a good idea to bring it up. I'm not sure how to answer your actual question of how to bring it up. Would it make sense to bring up the 7 month relationship and address it through that?

I don't know, maybe if you want to write more about it on here people could give you more ideas?
I wasn't sure if you told the therapist that the 7 month relationship was with a woman? Or did you manage the whole conversation without pronouns? Is your bi orientation an issue for you because you're married? Does your husband know? Were you married during the 7 month relationship? No need to answer all these questions if they don't seem relevant, I'm just fishing around for relevant reasons to bring it up to your t.

[grimtopaz]

Thank you for your replies. They are very much appreciated!

I should have clarified. I told my therapist about my 7 month relationship with a woman, and my therapist DOES know it was a woman. I was not married at the time, but was in a long distance relationship with my now husband. My husband does not know I am bisexual. I have tried to bring it up, but he seems to not want to know (another story). This topic does weigh heavily in my mind.

The reason I wonder if she gets that I am bisexual, is that I've been in situations where I talk to folks about being attracted to a woman, and they assume I am straight but "experimenting" or I am making an "exception" for someone. That is, even when I talk about my attraction to women, a lot of people continue assuming I am straight (very invalidating). People just tell me "oh, a lot of women experiment" or "a lot of straight women hook up with other women." I just don't want my therapist to assume I am something I am not. I have this fear because I have encountered many people who think others are either straight OR gay.

[stopdog]

I usually tell them I am lesbian right off the bat because I want to know if they have something against it and don't want to deal with a reaction when I say she in reference to lovers.
I have never had a therapist have a problem with it and it is not why I see a therapist.

[Leah123]

Having a seven month intimate, emotional relationship with a woman should make it clear to your therapist you're more than just 'experimenting' That's not.... "I kissed a girl and I liked it" level sexual dalliance in my book, however, when we don't want to be stereotyped, it's true, we do need to define ourselves explicitly for others.

I noted what you said about your husband not wanting to know, but really, if you did want him to know, you would say, "Honey, I'm bisexual," and there wouldn't be much he could do to put it off at that point, really.

I don't blame you for having trepidation about bringing it up with your husband or therapist, though, there are lots of reasons for that, I understand.

I hope it goes well for you disclosing/clarifying with your therapist, that's exactly what she's there for, to give you a safe space to be yourself.