[ResaLock]

My "T" said, "Don't get me wrong, and I am not trying to flatter you, but I am intrigued by you...in a professional way."

He is a male. I am a female. I asked, " What do you mean?"

--- Now of course I know what, "intriguing" means. I could just look it up on line. I just did to reconfirm it. ...but I have this unsettling sense that I do not know what ...>HE<...means. I find it strange for a male even professionally to tell a woman client that. ...and I still don't know what he means. ...and I don't understand why. As he said this, he leaned forward as though he wanted to tell me this and express it deeply.

I just formulated it, and said, "Well I find a lot of people intriguing."

This was just a couple of hours ago at my appoint.. I just got home.

I know what it's like to be intrigued by someone and just HAVE to tell them (and I have). Even though I'm not a T, I get interested in people's psychological profiles..

Ts, just like anyone, will like some more than others. Be interested in some more than others. Look forward to seeing some more than others.

It will be good for the relationship.

I'm intrigued by "Damaged Goods". Did you paint that? It's a really provocative painting.

Anyway, i think it means just what it means...

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by Autumn Skies

I know what it's like to be intrigued by someone and just HAVE to tell them (and I have). Even though I'm not a T, I get interested in people's psychological profiles..

Ts, just like anyone, will like some more than others. Be interested in some more than others. Look forward to seeing some more than others.

It will be good for the relationship.

I'm intrigued by "Damaged Goods". Did you paint that? It's a really provocative painting.

Anyway, i think it means just what it means...

(smiles) ....NO I didn't paint that. I thought it was pretty awesome though when I looked for a photo on line that was fitting to how I see myself and my life by others.

The,"Damaged Goods" I put in my signature when someone asked me on this sight who "I" was. I replied, "damaged goods" So I put it in my signature.

...but I can paint. Though I have rarely painted in my life. I have drawn though more. When I have, its pretty mystical/symbolic. Can't say my paintings are great or anything. The symbolism is. I would have to say my art is in my writing. I could say some of my poetry looks much like the painting I put in the signature. Some of it is dark poetry, some of it is light.

[CantExplain]

Maybe he just means you are an interesting case.

I don't know that it's a good thing to be an interesting case, but it made me feel special. Otherwise I'm just a Freudian cliche, and who wants to be that?

[smmath]

I don't see what gender has to do with anything. If it was a female T, would you feel the same way?

[Elektra_]

i think ur viewing "intriguing" only in romantic way. do u have any romantic feelings towards him?

[tametc]

Originally Posted by ResaLock

My "T" said, "Don't get me wrong, and I am not trying to flatter you, but I am intrigued by you...in a professional way."

He is a male. I am a female. I asked, " What do you mean?"

Did he respond when you asked him this?

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by smmath

I don't see what gender has to do with anything. If it was a female T, would you feel the same way?

I think I would interpret it differently. ...but maybe I should of added when I first came to psych central I found it looking up on line, if anyone experienced or has a therapist (well to some it up cross boundary lines) ...I was upset because he slowly caressed my hand and fingers in a slow sensual way.

I did confront him on this...he played it off. Its possible I am relating this idea to past encounters with him.

So the question would be...I guess. If he did not do that in the past, would I have this problem with it.
...and as you said, if it was female would it be different.

Well maybe...

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by tametc

Did he respond when you asked him this?

It was at the end of the session. He just repeated his words and also added I find you interesting and intriguing.

He did say that before, and I think I asked the same thing. Before he told me, that I have a depth that is interesting.
I asked then also..."What does that mean?"

He has told me he loves my mind, the way I think. He has even told me I am cute.

I just look and feel strange...like confused.

I just think he shouldn't be saying those things because I am a female and he is a male. ...and hes my therapist.
He knows I do not need compliments and such. I don't know...

When he says these things I change or stop what I am doing, or try not to talk deeply or about well how I speak. ...but it does not last long..because its natural for me. Am I supposed to not be me.

I have told him he is getting off track and distracted from counseling me. He said to me, " Maybe.. you are right."

I am not really that pretty or anything...I am not saying that because of insecurities. Its just thats the way it is...

Someone said its because hes in love with my mind. Am I not supposed to speak???

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

i think ur viewing "intriguing" only in romantic way. do u have any romantic feelings towards him?

NOOO I have no romantic feelings to him...maybe I should of mentioned in my post he did make a pass at me in the past. I did post about that. Since it was one of my first main issues when coming to Psych Cental.

[CantExplain]

Why did you keep seeing him after that?

[Elektra_]

wow hes not acting like a T at all. i would quit and report him. clearly he seems to be hitting on u. " Maybe.. you are right." wtf!???

Originally Posted by ResaLock

It was at the end of the session. He just repeated his words and also added I find you interesting and intriguing.

He did say that before, and I think I asked the same thing. Before he told me, that I have a depth that is interesting.
I asked then also..."What does that mean?"

He has told me he loves my mind, the way I think. He has even told me I am cute.

I just look and feel strange...like confused.

I just think he shouldn't be saying those things because I am a female and he is a male. ...and hes my therapist.
He knows I do not need compliments and such. I don't know...

When he says these things I change or stop what I am doing, or try not to talk deeply or about well how I speak. ...but it does not last long..because its natural for me. Am I supposed to not be me.

I have told him he is getting off track and distracted from counseling me. He said to me, " Maybe.. you are right."

I am not really that pretty or anything...I am not saying that because of insecurities. Its just thats the way it is...

Someone said its because hes in love with my mind. Am I not supposed to speak???

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by ResaLock

I am not really that pretty or anything...I am not saying that because of insecurities. Its just thats the way it is...

Unfortunately, that is no protection against sexual predators. Like all bullies, they focus on those who seem most vulnerable.

It's not about sex anyway. It's a power trip.

[genejaelee]

Agreed, like CantExplain said, the T is interacting with you from a presumed position of authority. Be wary of any sort of manipulation that is not towards the end of your treatment

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by ResaLock

It was at the end of the session. He just repeated his words and also added I find you interesting and intriguing.

He did say that before, and I think I asked the same thing. Before he told me, that I have a depth that is interesting.
I asked then also..."What does that mean?"

He has told me he loves my mind, the way I think. He has even told me I am cute.

I just look and feel strange...like confused.

I just think he shouldn't be saying those things because I am a female and he is a male. ...and hes my therapist.
He knows I do not need compliments and such. I don't know...

When he says these things I change or stop what I am doing, or try not to talk deeply or about well how I speak. ...but it does not last long..because its natural for me. Am I supposed to not be me.

I have told him he is getting off track and distracted from counseling me. He said to me, " Maybe.. you are right."

I am not really that pretty or anything...I am not saying that because of insecurities. Its just thats the way it is...

Someone said its because hes in love with my mind. Am I not supposed to speak???

Wow, that is ALL so inappropriate. What kind of therapy is this that is so personal. One of my past therapists (female) liked me and said I reminded her of one of her daughters, and we even kept in touch a bit after counselling was over, but I never felt there was any inappropriate personal interest. COmments were made to help me, not so she could express herself, which is what it sounds like your T is doing, and that seems wrong. (Of course, you are there and you are the judge of it, not me, but seems our judgments agree in the general trend.) I've never had to tell a counsellor I thought they were inappropriate, but in this case I would.

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Unfortunately, that is no protection against sexual predators. Like all bullies, they focus on those who seem most vulnerable.

It's not about sex anyway. It's a power trip.

True..I agree with that.

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Why did you keep seeing him after that?

The thing is, I was going to leave once and sought out another therapist. A female one. I told her my issues ad told her some of the problems I am having with him. It turned out to be a disaster.

another thing, even though he is behaving like this...in the past I went off on him about it. I have even said he is a perv. and not good counsel and a lot of other things...

...he allowed that and I felt a sense of certain freedom, but also not. Also I don't think I could come across many T that would allow me to express out that I want to die, without trying to put me in a psych ward.

I know I cannot talk about a lot of things with other people that I tell him.
...but yet I cannot talk about many things with him because he is a male.
...and I am confused about what his mind is about.

So if I go to another I know a lot of things I would never be able to say to another.

I am a person of self harm, PTSD and wanting to die a lot.
He gives me permission to express these things without telling anyone or putting me away. He has told me he has even had someone try to cut themselves in his office. ---of course I think that is a little bit extreme. ...but I did not tell him or show him my scars until after he said that.

When I went to find someone else, and I sought out a PTSD specialist. She told me not to ever tell her if I want to die or harm myself or she would call someone. I told her, I will make sure if I want to for some reason I never will.
It did make me angry, even though I did not respond as I was. --until later--
She said she might or could get PTSD for telling her if I wanted to die.
THIS IS A LIE...

I got angry and went back to the other T. I went off on him....about her...and I said...ANGRILY...dont worry no one can here me or give a damn about me. ...and you can take a good look at yourself to why I am here...
I told him out of anger I went to another T and told her what he did. I told him how ignorant she was, and that no one gives a damn. I went back to just laugh in every ones face. As they were only laughing at me.

I told him its all pointless anyway.

He makes a new appointment for me every week.
I also go back as sort of a revenge to my spouse. Because he is part of the reason I have PTSD, he pays for it and takes me there.
...its a control back thing. Hes taking me to a guy who is making passes at me, and he doesn't know about it. I am angry because no one cares and I only confirm that with every ones chaos and mistreatment against me.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by ResaLock

The thing is, I was going to leave once and sought out another therapist. A female one. I told her my issues ad told her some of the problems I am having with him. It turned out to be a disaster.

another thing, even though he is behaving like this...in the past I went off on him about it. I have even said he is a perv. and not good counsel and a lot of other things...

...he allowed that and I felt a sense of certain freedom, but also not. Also I don't think I could come across many T that would allow me to express out that I want to die, without trying to put me in a psych ward.

I know I cannot talk about a lot of things with other people that I tell him.
...but yet I cannot talk about many things with him because he is a male.
...and I am confused about what his mind is about.

So if I go to another I know a lot of things I would never be able to say to another.

I am a person of self harm, PTSD and wanting to die a lot.
He gives me permission to express these things without telling anyone or putting me away. He has told me he has even had someone try to cut themselves in his office. ---of course I think that is a little bit extreme. ...but I did not tell him or show him my scars until after he said that.

When I went to find someone else, and I sought out a PTSD specialist. She told me not to ever tell her if I want to die or harm myself or she would call someone. I told her, I will make sure if I want to for some reason I never will.
It did make me angry, even though I did not respond as I was. --until later--
She said she might or could get PTSD for telling her if I wanted to die.
THIS IS A LIE...

I got angry and went back to the other T. I went off on him....about her...and I said...ANGRILY...dont worry no one can here me or give a damn about me. ...and you can take a good look at yourself to why I am here...
I told him out of anger I went to another T and told her what he did. I told him how ignorant she was, and that no one gives a damn. I went back to just laugh in every ones face. As they were only laughing at me.

I told him its all pointless anyway.

He makes a new appointment for me every week.
I also go back as sort of a revenge to my spouse. Because he is part of the reason I have PTSD, he pays for it and takes me there.
...its a control back thing. Hes taking me to a guy who is making passes at me, and he doesn't know about it. I am angry because no one cares and I only confirm that with every ones chaos and mistreatment against me.

You seem very self-aware. It also looks like you know where you are with this T, and it is unlikely you will let him take advantage of you.

I believe that people should be allowed to have the kind of therapy relationships they want. Others might disagree, but I don't think you are in any danger. Good luck!

Originally Posted by CantExplain

You seem very self-aware. It also looks like you know where you are with this T, and it is unlikely you will let him take advantage of you.


I believe that people should be allowed to have the kind of therapy relationships they want. Others might disagree, but I don't think you are in any danger. Good luck!

I disagree

Resa,

He is in collusion with you when he keeps secrets. T's are required to tell somebody when somebody might be a danger to themselves in most places so he is confident enough to put his license at risk.

Secrets are an important aspect of control. If he does approach you sexually he could use that to get you to comply.

You may think you are in control but when it comes to the t I don't think you are. I think he is really doing a job on you because you are confused about his messages. You shouldn't be confused. I think there is a part of you that knows this or you wouldn't have posted. That part is instinct and I think you should listen to it.

It sounds like you got unlucky with the other t too. She sounds selfish. But please don't let that keep you from trying again.

Self harm should be something you can talk about. They would tell somebody if it came to a point but your t would be making a judgement call. I was in a dbt group with somebody was self harming and it was safe for her to talk about it. Just not in the way your current t is treating it.

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