[DelusionsDaily]

Last night, I woke up from a nightmare about a time when I was really "sick" and had to be restrained for a couple of hours because I couldn't promises I wouldn't try to hurt myself(I had already tried once-hence why I was there receiving treatment). Now I have this fear that it's going happen again and soon. I know it's irrational...I've gotten so much better the last few months and am working so hard to stay better that's it is highly unlikely it would happen again in the near future maybe even at all. If I know it is irrational why won't it just go away? I couldn't sleep the rest of the night...I was scared it would come back.

[HazelGirl]

Can you talk to your therapist about this?

[DelusionsDaily]

I don't see her till the 20th.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by MELISSSAD81

I don't see her till the 20th.

This seems like a big deal. Can you contact her outside of sessions? Maybe send her an email or call her?

[unaluna]

Why wont the dreams go away? Good freakin question. I had nightmares last night, but not as bad as they've been before? The memories are burned into our brain, they are not going away, but why do they get triggered on a particular night? We have to feel safe before we go to bed, no fleeting anxieties - i think those create my bad dreams. Im afraid to think of things during the day, but at night my mind goes wild.

That sounds so upsetting... Im sorry you had such a bad dream.my t says bad dreams are our minds way of working through things, when they dont have our daytime thoughts getting in the way(i have lots of bad dreams.) i hope that next week you can mentin your dream to your t.

[growlycat]

I was once inpatient and even seeing someone else in restraints gives me high anxiety. I don't think it is irrational-- I don't like the use of restraints--always barbaric, and one is left helpless. It is one of my biggest fears, no matter how unlikely to happen.

[DelusionsDaily]

I do have to say it was definitely necessary at the time. I was in a really bad place. I just don't like that it's coming back to haunt me!

[Yearning0723]

Restraints freak me out too because of one time when I was in the hospital and the nurse kept threatening to put them on me if I didn't stop pacing around the hospital room. I'm sorry you had a nightmare about them. I would also suggest calling your T even though it's outside of session, if your T usually allows that.

[DelusionsDaily]

It came back tonight...woke up 2 hours ago and can't get back to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, there it is...me is 4 point restraints unable to defend myself from the help I so desperately wanted to fight off and keep from happening. Me unable to tame the beast that takes over when I am suicidal or have strong urges to SH. UGH!!! I want it to go AWAY! I don't need this right now...I'm doing so fantastic. This should NOT be an issue right now.

[DelusionsDaily]

4 hours of sleep last night. Yippee!

[minneymouse]

I'm sorry you're feeling so unsettled at the moment. I know what it's like to fear going backwards to those dark times- I really feel for you. As I read what you wrote, I wondered whether the thoughts like 'I want this to go away' and 'this should not be happening' are adding to how bad you feel? That good old DBT idea that pain plus non-acceptance equals suffering. Could you be gentle with yourself and accept that this is where you are right now, and that's ok. Not fun or pleasant, but somehow ok.

If you want to explore the acceptance idea, there are some fab animated metaphors as part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy on youtube-
The unwelcome party guest

Passengers on a bus

We can ask a lot of ourselves, demanding that we 'tame the beast'. Sometimes it's about finding a way to live alongside the beast. I hope you do things which soothe you, and find a tiny bit of peace today.

[DelusionsDaily]

I stayed in bed most of the day reading, writing some poetry, watching tv, and slept some too, but not much because of the stupid nightmares.

I have tried all my life to live next to the suicidal/self-harm beast but it likes to overwhelm me a lot. Though the last few months have been very calm and uneventful in terms of that though not sure how or why.

I'm really trying to accept my nightmares for what they are...reminders of where I don't want to go back to no matter what. It just really hard...but I will keep trying.