[StarLight25]

I am a total newbie and seriously need some guidance from those of you who are veterans when it comes to psychotherapy.

I'm 25 years old, and am raising my niece and nephew who are twin 16 year olds. They have been with my husband and I for 2 years. Their parents lost custody due to severe abuse and neglect.

We do family therapy. Our therapist comes to our home mostly because of the twin's extracurricular activity schedule. This arrangement has worked well.

During family therapy, I have been triggered (although I hide it). I have trauma in my past- particularly my childhood and late teen years. I pushed it all away and never got help, and tried to ignore it. Until now, I thought I was over these things.

Our Family T, has offered to do some individual sessions with me, as he has picked up on some things during our family sessions.

I am completely trippin' about therapy. I start later today. I don't know what to expect, and I'm scared to confront my past. Memories and flashbacks have been consuming my thoughts for the last several months. I find this crazy because I have had no problems for 10+ years. Is this common?

What should I expect from my first session?

I also was assaulted 8 years ago, so being alone with a male therapist has me nervous, but I'm embarrassed to say something. I trust him, but I have issues with being alone with anyone but my husband. I don't know how to bring this up.

Any advice I would much appreciate.

[Leah123]

Awe, big hugs to you if you want them. I am so impressed by you taking on that parenting role for your neice and nephew. Many blessings to you for doing that.

I understand about being triggered and fearing to face one's past- I'm sure many people here can tell you they share that experience.

In your first session, expect your therapist to gently ask you some background questions and perhaps what you want to work on the most. Are you seeing the same therapist as you do for family therapy, or a new one?

I think the key thing for you to state in your meeting is just that you are unsure of what to expect and afraid to confront your past: that will be invaluable information so your T can take it slow with you and reassure you as you deserve. If you can make yourself do it, tell him you're feeling nervous about the session too, just because of an assault in your past. If that seems to hard, tell yourself that this day is completely different- and go over, point by point, the difference between this meeting and that assault, everything from the difference in appearance to the office setting to your purpose for being there and that it is your choice.

As for memories and flashbacks becoming consuming after a long period of dormancy- that is *exactly* what happened to me during therapy. It's totally normal for therapy to 'stir the pot' and symptoms often increase before resolving. I have been in individual therapy for one year now, and it is getting better. My therapist is a wonderful partner who really supports and validates my experiences, so not only does sharing them reduce the intensity, but helps me feel like I don't have to bear it all myself and gives me a sense of healing and relief. Building our relationship has taken time but is really paying off now.

P.S. You are entitled to work with a female therapist if you prefer, I can see benefits and downsides to either choice, but just something to consider.

[StarLight25]

Thank you for your reply Leah! :-)

The T will be the same my family uses. My husband and I have done couples therapy with him when we were struggling with the changes bringing in two challenging teens with attachment issues into our home, and it went well.

I just feel so confused. I am strong, stoic, nothing gets me. I feel so weak now. I admire those who do therapy, but I hold myself at a different standard. Some of the people in my life were very abusive to me as a child, but our relationship is better now. I feel like I'm betraying them by going into therapy, but as I said before this is beginning to consume me. I feel weird around these people now, and again confused. I have panicked over the last week since I made the appointment, thinking about things in the past. My MO is to shut it out, but I need to learn not to.

I already trust this therapist. We've worked as a family for a year, so I guess that's a plus.

Sorry for rambling. I feel so vulnerable and scared.

[Rzay4]

Trauma therapy is hard. I currently have dealt with mine and rather not relive my past.

Good luck to you, be open and honest. Your doing this for you. Taking on two teenagers at your age is a big deal.

Be sure to update us on how it went?

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by StarLight25

Thank you for your reply Leah! :-)

The T will be the same my family uses. My husband and I have done couples therapy with him when we were struggling with the changes bringing in two challenging teens with attachment issues into our home, and it went well.

I just feel so confused. I am strong, stoic, nothing gets me. I feel so weak now. I admire those who do therapy, but I hold myself at a different standard. Some of the people in my life were very abusive to me as a child, but our relationship is better now. I feel like I'm betraying them by going into therapy, but as I said before this is beginning to consume me. I feel weird around these people now, and again confused. I have panicked over the last week since I made the appointment, thinking about things in the past. My MO is to shut it out, but I need to learn not to.

I already trust this therapist. We've worked as a family for a year, so I guess that's a plus.

Sorry for rambling. I feel so vulnerable and scared.

Feeling weak isn't the same as being weak. Admitting to our insecurities is showing courage. Your insecurities from the past were always there, but you see them in therapy rather than putting makeshift bandages or camouflaging them. Eventually, you will heal them, integrate your past into your present in a more holistic way, and feel better.

Sorry today isn't that day, haha, but try and be relieved once that hour is over at the great first step you've taken.

[StarLight25]

So I had my first session today.

My therapist is much different when it's just me one on one vs with my husband and twins.

The session started by him telling me he was "honored" to do work with me, and that he knew this was difficult for me to reach out.

I was freaking out (on the inside) and couldn't talk about many things. I did admit I have trauma that I want to work through. He said we will take it slow. He explained how my trauma can adversely affect my parenting of my twin niece and nephew. They both have RAD (reactive attachment disorder).

Overall I felt safe and supported. We didn't get into too much today. He did say I could call, email, or text between sessions. We are doing weekly for now. I wasn't able to admit I felt uncomfortable meeting with him alone. I suppose I need to tell him soon though. ugh!

I'm still freaked out, but I hope it will get better.

I keep finding myself saying what I went through was no big deal- if it was I wouldn't have made it this far and been successful so far in life. I made it through college, have a great marriage, etc. I keep trying to convince myself it isn't trauma, then I think what the hell it is!

Sorry if I'm all over the place. This is so hard.

[Truck33]

Great first step! Going for the first time is so hard. And continuing to go is even harder at times...,hopefully you haves good therapist , if so being unfiltered brutally honest with him is one of the best things to do.
It is hard work the work we do on ourselves with the help of T. My t always tells
Me
To stop being so hard on myself and that's what I suggest to you. Don't be hard on yourself, its difficult and unpleasant but the goal is to come out on the other side better than. Before. It won't happen overnight . But take it slow at your pace. B honest about everything

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[nicoleflynn]

Therapy is the hardest, scariest thing you will ever do....but the most important; j ust start out slow a little at a time and eventually when you feel safe to share the really ugly things....do that; the only way to begin to heal is to be honest about everything. Everyone going into therapy for the first time has no idea what to expect; so this is normal to feel that way. hugs, Nicole

[Mactastic]

I do hope you can find the strength to tell him you have fears about being alone with men, I think you'll agree that's important for him to know.

My therapist shared something that helped me recently. He said that opening up to someone means sharing your present experience, not being a wide-open book. You don't have to tell him everything and leave yourself feeling raw. He said it's more than enough to share how you are feeling right then and there - even if that means you are feeling "empty" or "blank" (as I was the other day.) He also told me it's ok to simply say, "yes, [that] triggers an emotion in me that feels like [this] but I am not ready to explore that yet." Just something to think about.....

You are being very brave and I love what Leah said that feeling weak is not the same thing as being weak.

[StarLight25]

Thank you all for the replies.

Now that I've had my first session, I am having trouble waiting for my next session this week. It's not until Friday! New stuff has come up for me- things I haven't though of in years.

Does anyone else struggle between sessions? How do you deal?