[IndestructibleGirl]

Hmm.

So, I was meant to have a session this morning. Except as soon as I landed on the doorstep I noticed I had a voicemail, I'd been on the tube so no reception. It was my therapist apologizing for messing up and sleeping through her alarms. She offered a time tonight, I can't because I have plans, so we're doing tomorrow afternoon. All cool, I really don't mind the rejigging of times. I ran some errands instead so I don't even feel I wasted my time by going out to the appointment. I'm also in reasonably good form and looking forward to seeing friends later so I'm not in desperate need or anything.

But. I can't help thinking if this was the other way around...a client calling because they had slept through an alarm, then the therapist might speculate that it was their unconscious at work, preventing them from waking up in time because meeting the other person is too stressful or difficult or unpleasant. I'm a bit worried. In case she realizes that no, she really can't do this after all. Because I'm taking too much from her. I'm too emotionally taxing and a bottomless pit of problems. And because I don't pay her at the moment. I contribute NOTHING, so it's perfectly fair and valid for her to not want to do this anymore. I make her life harder.

I'll be fine if she does need to quit, but I'm so mortified in case I've put strain on her and selfishly took so much. I love her, but I just make her life harder, and that's not what real love does, so it makes me want to go away as that's the most loving thing I can do, leave her alone.

God. How do you know if someone just overslept, or if it means something is wrong?

[Leah123]

My therapist has been through her own therapy and says she's able now to be her own therapist. It means that she's typically clear on her motivations and able to be honest, assertive, etc.

I imagine your own therapist is also likely to be clear about her needs, reactions, feelings, etc. So, it seems the odds of her having hidden or disguised motivations like the ones you are attributing to her are less likely, and it's more likely she's had a long week and got really tired.

I would feel insecure too, but I think it is important to take her words at face value and keep in mind she was prompt about rescheduling, she did not try to skip the session or anything, right?

I'm sorry that happened to you. The table was turned for me a couple of times. I would forget my appointment time. My therapist understood that I was human just like her. Therefore, no berating by her, no processing needed by us. If I can take a line out of her last text. "Don't think so hard." As you get more comfortable in therapy (yes, that will happen), you will begin to think how normal she is, and more importantly how normal your response is — progress. I had to be reminded of that yesterday by my ex therapist, and your thread confirmed it.

Have a wonder time with friends and a healing session tomorrow.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Leah123

My therapist has been through her own therapy and says she's able now to be her own therapist. It means that she's typically clear on her motivations and able to be honest, assertive, etc.

I imagine your own therapist is also likely to be clear about her needs, reactions, feelings, etc. So, it seems the odds of her having hidden or disguised motivations like the ones you are attributing to her are less likely, and it's more likely she's had a long week and got really tired.

I would feel insecure too, but I think it is important to take her words at face value and keep in mind she was prompt about rescheduling, she did not try to skip the session or anything, right?

Very true, all this. I am uncomfortable with accepting I am part of what made her tired though. I know it's not my place to be a caretaker for my therapist, or to police her boundaries for her...but still, I just never want to be inconsiderate. The idea that she has gone to great lengths to help me at her own personal expense of energy is bewildering and freaks me out a bit.

No she didn't want to skip the session, she suggested coming in later today but we agreed tomorrow. She's told me to be in touch throughout the day if I want. Everything's fine in the main. I just am inclined to worry.

just enjoy being with your friends and it will be great tomorrow ♥

I think you are thinking too much. Take care of your errands and see her tomorrow. She just overslept. Don't overanalyze it.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

I'm sorry that happened to you. The table was turned for me a couple of times. I would forget my appointment time. My therapist understood that I was human just like her. Therefore, no berating by her, no processing needed by us. If I can take a line out of her last text. "Don't think so hard." As you get more comfortable in therapy (yes, that will happen), you will begin to think how normal she is, and more importantly how normal your response is — progress. I had to be reminded of that yesterday by my ex therapist, and your thread confirmed it.

Have a wonder time with friends and a healing session tomorrow.

Thanks

I do tend to overthink, so it is good for me to remember that too!

I totally see my T's humanity, and that's partly why I connected to her in the first place - because she doesn't hide her humanness from me. I guess an incident like today, where I'm witnessing a human error as it's occurring - well, that highlights how much I'm taking from another human being, who has her own vulnerabilities and challenging stuff as we all do - and giving nothing back (for now). Unnerving. Can it really ever be okay to take so much? I'm not sure if I'm making much sense.

Originally Posted by invisible butterfly

just enjoy being with your friends and it will be great tomorrow ♥

Thank you! I will do, and I'm sure you're right and it will be good tomorrow

You make a lot of sense. We feel so needy we think we are sucking that other person dry. Yet, to me it sounds like you therapist has done her work and is SOLID, and can handle it. You are just at that toddler stage and feeing mixed on weather she will be there or not. When you did it for real way back when the person ( usually mom), was not able to do a proper job — giving you safety and security. I hope I'm clear in what I said.

[sweepy62]

Its great that you have that kind of relationship with your t, where she discloses that she overslept, I had that kind of relationship. Most probably will not disclose that, so its special, think of it that way, maybe it will help. They get tired too. Hope your session goes well.

[unaluna]

Do you take a glass of water from her at session? My t offered for a year or two before i felt like it wasnt too much to take. I wouldnt even look at the books on his bookshelves cuz i felt that was intrusive. So this is totally transference. You cant prove logically why she overslept. All you can do is keep seeing her, and eventually the old crappy attachment paradigm gets replaced by a more normal one. Where you can ask for a glass of water and not feel like the most awful burden in the world. Maybe even joke about it. Maybe even say this glass is dirty, i want a different one (oh yes i did!).

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

You make a lot of sense. We feel so needy we think we are sucking that other person dry. Yet, to me it sounds like you therapist has done her work and is SOLID, and can handle it. You are just at that toddler stage and feeing mixed on weather she will be there or not. When you did it for real way back when the person ( usually mom), was not able to do a proper job — giving you safety and security. I hope I'm clear in what I said.

Thank you. I think I'm clear as to what you're getting at - I guess it is old scars tingling from attachment wounds a long time ago. It's just really weird because I can't even recognize it as a straightforward worry if she'll be there or not. It comes at me as a worry that I'm doing something horrible to a person I love, by lumping my woes on her.

Yes, she is solid. Steadfastly trustworthy. I know she has done her own extensive therapy, and she has supervision etc.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Its great that you have that kind of relationship with your t, where she discloses that she overslept, I had that kind of relationship. Most probably will not disclose that, so its special, think of it that way, maybe it will help. They get tired too. Hope your session goes well.

Thank you Sweepy. And really? Is it unusual to disclose that kind of thing?

Originally Posted by hankster

Do you take a glass of water from her at session? My t offered for a year or two before i felt like it wasnt too much to take. I wouldnt even look at the books on his bookshelves cuz i felt that was intrusive. So this is totally transference. You cant prove logically why she overslept. All you can do is keep seeing her, and eventually the old crappy attachment paradigm gets replaced by a more normal one. Where you can ask for a glass of water and not feel like the most awful burden in the world. Maybe even joke about it. Maybe even say this glass is dirty, i want a different one (oh yes i did!).

No! I am not able to make myself drink the water! Even times I'd quite fancy a drink. I do not know why though, I have no problems taking what I need in terms of physical stuff like water anywhere else. Somedays I can't take off my coat and scarves either, even when the office is boiling - me, the same person who is a complete exhibitionist and dances naked / gets whipped with a singletail on a stage in various clubs. It makes no sense. I push all needs away, and it seems crucial to not have needs and be as need-less as possible - and don't even really feel the thirst or the heat and then after when I'm leaving I'm like wow, it's baking in here...I feel like I could make myself drink the water, by pretending not to care, or whatever. But I just don't do it. It doesn't feel authentic, and in her office I try really hard to not do pretending - hence my current annoyance with pretending I'm okay when I'm about to burst into tears.

Congrats on being able to drink the water and ask for a clean glass!