[AllyIsHopeful]

Literally just called me work.
The most awful rupture ever tonight. How am I even supposed to begin wrapping my mind around this? I mean I have always known that's what this is, and what I am, but to hear it...


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[growlycat]

What did he say exactly? Ohh, I hate ruptures---they make my head spin and I can't think straight.

He called you work or did he say "the work" or "our work"?

[RTerroni]

WOW I hope it isn't something major for you.

[AllyIsHopeful]

It is the end of a long day at work and I need to stop the work to get some rest. (We literally just ended the session and left, and she has never had an issue with contact outside of sessions, especially to clear up misunderstandings). It was a really bad and intense ending of the session but her response was a terrible way of saying she was too tired to resolve this right now...she usually recommends contacting her the next day so we could arrange a sooner appointment or a phone session to talk things over. Her solution was to call 911... I didn't say or hint anything about self harm or suicide.

I feel abandoned...? In so many ways. Maybe I'm dumb for feeling this way but these have been two hellish months and I'm completely dumbfounded that she knows this and is behaving this way.

And THIS, my friends, is why you don't get anywhere near a dual relationship with your therapist...no matter how amazing it may sound at times.

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[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

WOW I hope it isn't something major for you.

Something major?

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Oh god, that must have been dreadful to hear. But don't you think there is a difference between being "work" and being "just work" - yes, we are our therapist's work, there is no getting away from that, but I still think that most therapists consider their clients to be more important to them, personally, than a shop keeper thinks his customers are, for instance. (That was a convoluted sentence but I hope you understand what I mean)

I hope you can get some rest and that you and your T can resolve this.

[HazelGirl]

It is true that this is their job, and it is their "work". But that doesn't mean they don't enjoy it. My T spent her day doing phone sessions yesterday, and came to the office only to see me. That made me feel very guilty, but it's her job. I don't need to feel guilty for making her do work. That's why I pay her.

[Mactastic]

Sometimes I feel like my job as a teacher has helped me better understand the relationships therapists build with their clients. I love all my kids. Yes, they drive me nuts sometimes and there are days I wish I got paid more to deal with all that teaching brings but I do love those kids. At the same time, this is my JOB and I have to separate my job from my personal life. Recently one of my students was taken into CPS custody. It broke my heart and I cried like a baby. But I had to let go. I wonder about him often but my absence of outward caring doesn't mean I don't care inside. I think about my students after hours and I do love them all but they are still a part of my job. I'm not sure if this helps or hurts but Im just offering my perspective.

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[A Red Panda]

It was a poor choice of words on your T's end, that's for sure. No one likes to hear themselves referred to as work, even though it sounds like your T just needed the day over with and to be at home - obviously your T slipped up in her wording.

Like Mac, I'm a teacher. I've told my lovely 9 year old students that teaching is my job, I'm at work when they see me, and that teaching them is a big part of my job. I also have told them various times that their job is to do the work I've given them and to try their very best.... and that they make both of our jobs a lot harder when they're silly or don't listen or are disrespectful. I also tell them when I'm flat out tired and just want to be at home! They understand it all, because I also spend a lot of my time showing and telling them how much I care about them.

As much as it hurts, and as much as it came at absolutely the wrong time, it might help to remember that your T was almost certainly not talking about just you and was just overworked that day.. and as you were there at the end of that day, you were unfortunately given the honest opinion your T had of that day. I would probably take it to mean that my T trusted and was comfortable enough around me to share their honest thoughts about the day. It would still hurt a lot, but I would be trying to mix that interpretation into my thoughts because it would be helpful to me... and probably a lot more accurate than just letting myself think that my T only thinks of me as work (which is totally what I would be jumping to).

I'm trying to be helpful but I keep thinking this sounds really negative towards you... I really, really, don't mean it to be!

[AllyIsHopeful]

Thanks everyone I do appreciate the opinions and reassuring words. No worries, I did not take offense to anything said and I completely see how all of the different views and scenarios apply.
My biggest issue comes from how our relationship has been the whole year I've worked with her. I wouldn't call it a 100% dual relationship, but that's mostly because of the age gap and in general it is complicated for two people of different age brackets to have a completely dual relationship. I don't have kids I'm still going to school, never been married, etc.
However... Our relationship extended beyond sessions and the confinement of the office. We often enjoyed each other's company during times completely irrelevant to therapy. Though it's rather hard to admit I know it's half my fault. I just didn't realize what I was getting myself into, because it didn't feel bad.

It feels bad now....

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Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

Her solution was to call 911...

I can understand why you are hurt.

Though I totally would understand my T having a bad day, hearing "call 911" or "go to the ER" from my T would really upset me. Former T and I discussed something related once, and he said that I had that choice; even though I didn't need him when we were discussing this, i still got mad about it.

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

And THIS, my friends, is why you don't get anywhere near a dual relationship with your therapist...no matter how amazing it may sound at times.

What is the dual relationship, if you can say?

[AllyIsHopeful]

I kind of went explained with minimum detail about our relationship in my post above this one.

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yes, i read it. It just didn't seem clear to me.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Well a relationship that was strictly therapeutic would not involve leaving the confines of the office together. I honestly don't want to be too revealing on a public forum with specifics but if you want to know more I could message you instead..


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That's ok! i don't need details. I just asked because i didn't see that anyone else asked yet, that's all.

I understand about not posting details...

[Wren_]

sounds complicated with the dual elements going on ... but also very hard to hear whatever the case
i hope you can both find a way to work through this ... sometimes they say the dumbest things (or word them badly that is)

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

Thanks everyone I do appreciate the opinions and reassuring words. No worries, I did not take offense to anything said and I completely see how all of the different views and scenarios apply.
My biggest issue comes from how our relationship has been the whole year I've worked with her. I wouldn't call it a 100% dual relationship, but that's mostly because of the age gap and in general it is complicated for two people of different age brackets to have a completely dual relationship. I don't have kids I'm still going to school, never been married, etc.
However... Our relationship extended beyond sessions and the confinement of the office. We often enjoyed each other's company during times completely irrelevant to therapy. Though it's rather hard to admit I know it's half my fault. I just didn't realize what I was getting myself into, because it didn't feel bad.

It feels bad now....

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No, it isn't half your fault at all. It's the T's job to maintain boundaries. Really. You could try to befriend her, seduce her or mow her lawn and it would still be her job to keep the relationship professional. I don't think it's terrible that she said she needs to stop because she's had a long day (but I would feel awful too!). But I think it would have been better if she had simply and gently said, in that quintessentially therapisty way, "we need to stop now."