[Butterflying]

I found my very conservative T on Pinterest and he has some Likes that are pictures of women in lingerie some in very sexual positions. Also has a saying he copied that says "like when you meet a stranger and think what hot great sex you could have". There were also less obvious but sexy nudes by painters.

It's strange because it's so not like him. Or so I thought. It seems careless to have this on a public site. He works with a lit if young women. This is a church going man. I dunno. It was surprising especially in a public forum and I'm sort of disturbed by it.

Thoughts?

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

I found my very conservative T on Pinterest and he has some Likes that are pictures of women in lingerie some in very sexual positions. Also has a saying he copied that says "like when you meet a stranger and think what hot great sex you could have". There were also less obvious but sexy nudes by painters.

It's strange because it's so not like him. Or so I thought. It seems careless to have this on a public site. He works with a lit if young women. This is a church going man. I dunno. It was surprising especially in a public forum and I'm sort of disturbed by it.

Thoughts?

I'd be more than a little disturbed about it, also. And confused. Is there anyone else you can talk to about this (like another T in his office, or just another T in general)? It really bothers me, and I don't know if I could continue to work with someone like this. Sorry this happened.

[stopdog]

I don't see it as a big deal. What the therapist does when she is not in an appointment with me is none of my business.

[Leah123]

Is it 100% certain that it is him, and not someone with the same name?

If it is absolutely, positively him, I would ask why he displays erotica on a public site, given his professional role... and see how much he squirms, and how much he says.

His comfort level and clarity about this should speak volumes and help you know what to do next.

[willowbrook]

Honestly, as long as it's not affecting my treatment, what my Pdoc does in his own time is his business not mine. Although I would be concerned with his displaying such things in a public, easily accessibly setting given his role as a therapist. Private, no problem, put it out there in public for everyone to see, that could potentially yield some negative ramifications.

[LadyShadow]

I wouldn't be concerned because it really isn't any of my business what my therapist and Pdoc do with their private time. What is disturbing is that it is public, and it may not even be him if he has a common name. If it really bothers you, you should voice your opinion, because it can affect your therapy if you're thinking about it while in session.

[anilam]

Are you sure it's his page? It could even be s.o. Impersonating him...

How public are we talking- is it linked with his professional page? If so I'd be concern, if not I'd consider it to be a private site and then it's his business.

[tametc]

Just wanted to add, that the reason it bothers me so much, is that I need someone who is authentic. To me, it's like he's one person in therapy and another in private--I think it's so scary for me because of how abusers in my past presented themselves. One thing I deeply appreciated about my last T was his deep respect for people, and his feminist stance. The Pinterest stuff, to me, is disrespectful, and the line about the hot sex with a stranger really bugs me. It DOES matter to me what a therapist does in his/her private life, because I need to feel as though I can depend on their true nature. And this situation would confuse and upset me.

[PeeJay]

We all have sides to us that are private that we don't present in a professional setting.

But this would disturb me. I would feel like I couldn't open up anymore. What will you do?

[Favorite Jeans]

Assuming that you're positive it's really him, I think this is a bit of a problem. He is of course allowed to like what he likes and be who he is on his own time, just like anyone else. However, I think it shows very poor judgment on his part to link to such professionally inappropriate material in a way that is easily traceable to him.

T's know that clients look for them online and I think it behooves them to keep their personal information, particularly potentially disturbing information about their sexual tastes, personal. It sounds to me like he isn't taking his professional role seriously enough. I'd wonder about where else his judgment is lacking.

[Butterflying]

Thanks for the replies. It bugs me because he isn't congruent with who he portrays himself to be. Also it's a put down to women--one pic shows just sexy legs in heels and thigh high stockings-- just that part of the body. The legs are in the air almost showing the crotch but not quite. It also bothers me that he's so careless-- it's his choice but he could get in trouble. It seems to be him because all his interests are also there. So is his correct email. I'm afraid to bring it up. I also feel like I should,,,but what will the consequences be ?

[Rive.]

I would find this disturbing, to put it mildly. Granted, he can do what he wants in his private life but he clearly is making this public. This raises quite a few concerns: (1) especially as a mental health care provider, (2) working with sensitive or susceptible populations (not to mention you say he sees young women too), (3) broadcasting it to the world with a public profile & (4) as a church going person?! I do not find this 'on'.

Do you feel you can address this with him i.e. check it is his profile and if so, that it is rather disturbing, to say the least.

A frank discussion would let you know how you stand regarding his stance. In other words, do you feel you could work with someone (a T) who knows all about you, works with (young) women, yet appears so incongruent (as you sate) and sexually explicit in his 'likes' et al. You might need to make a decision.

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

Thanks for the replies. It bugs me because he isn't congruent with who he portrays himself to be. Also it's a put down to women

This is exactly why it bothers me, too.

You may end up having to find a different T, but it will be worth it, IMO. I hope things work out well for you.

[feralkittymom]

I don't see how you can avoid bringing it up if you intend to keep seeing him.

[Butterflying]

I just went on that site and saw another new pin--the head of Freud with a naked female body in it--a picture within a picture but the naked body is obvious. It's a drawing. Shows breasts , pubic hair. Ugh! This is just wrong. I really don't want to know this. I have to consider this could be someone else trying to get him in trouble but the site also has regular things.

[CrimsonBlues]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

Thanks for the replies. It bugs me because he isn't congruent with who he portrays himself to be. Also it's a put down to women--one pic shows just sexy legs in heels and thigh high stockings-- just that part of the body. The legs are in the air almost showing the crotch but not quite. It also bothers me that he's so careless-- it's his choice but he could get in trouble. It seems to be him because all his interests are also there. So is his correct email. I'm afraid to bring it up. I also feel like I should,,,but what will the consequences be ?

Hi Butterflying-

As I read your post that word was what came to my mind as well-"careless". Of course, everyone-including therapists-have their own private life that doesn't necessarily match the persona that they present most of the time, which is okay if it's not a crime or hurting someone. But a therapist, it seems to me, needs to be aware that if they are doing something that the public might see there is a possibility that it will in turn effect the clients that happen to see it in some way. I am surprised that a therapist would post what you described because it does seem careless. I assume that you knew it was your therapist because the name on the site isn't an alias. That is a bit puzzling that they would take that chance considering the possibility of this very thing happening, a client stumbling on the site. I agree with others that I would consider the possibility that it isn't your therapist-even if the name is the same. Is there a reason that you know it is your therapist and not just someone with the same name? If you explained this already I'm sorry that I missed it. And, I agree that you definitely need to discuss this with your therapist. If it is your therapist on that site it has clearly-and I think understandably-caused you concern and could certainly effect the therapy process.

I've been in this exact situation. I decided to bring it up in session and we processed it as my therapist thought that what I was feeling and that I was being triggered emotionally by some of her online "likes" and such meant there was a great opportunity for work to be done between us. She ended up being the best therapist I ever had. Your therapist sounds a tad bit careless, if this is him, but I would suggest discussing things with him in session and maybe giving consideration to the fact that you likely work with and or deal with lots of men who indulge in things like what you've discovered or much more potentially offensive entertainment. So long as you are feeling as a result of this, there is work to be done for yourself and a lesson for him.

Sent using Tapatalk

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

I found my very conservative T on Pinterest and he has some Likes that are pictures of women in lingerie some in very sexual positions. Also has a saying he copied that says "like when you meet a stranger and think what hot great sex you could have". There were also less obvious but sexy nudes by painters.

It's strange because it's so not like him. Or so I thought. It seems careless to have this on a public site. He works with a lit if young women. This is a church going man. I dunno. It was surprising especially in a public forum and I'm sort of disturbed by it.

Thoughts?

Being a therapist doesn't mean abandoning his private life or his sexuality.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

I found my very conservative T on Pinterest and he has some Likes that are pictures of women in lingerie some in very sexual positions. Also has a saying he copied that says "like when you meet a stranger and think what hot great sex you could have". There were also less obvious but sexy nudes by painters.

It's strange because it's so not like him. Or so I thought. It seems careless to have this on a public site. He works with a lit if young women. This is a church going man. I dunno. It was surprising especially in a public forum and I'm sort of disturbed by it.

Thoughts?

Being a therapist doesn't mean abandoning his private life or his sexuality.

But I can understand your concern.

[feralkittymom]

The problem I see is that, in fact, he has made his private life public in such a way that shows a stunning lack of judgement and discretion. It makes me question not his morality or how he chooses to spend his private time (though honestly, I've never known a guy involved with Pinterest?), but how he views his professional role. It would make me doubt his judgement in other matters.

[blur]

if this is really your T then it seems awfully inappropriate. a church-going man repinning comments about hot sex with strangers? ack! i'm surprised a T would be so naive as to not realize this will bite him in the butt. here's hoping it is someone masquerading as him.

It's complicated, because on the one hand, it's your T's personal life, on his personal time, and even though I'm not personally familiar with Pinterest I think it's a rather large network where it might be easy to believe oneself to be more or less anonymous - a naïve belief, but not unnatural. I honestly don't understand the contradiction between going to church and being tantalized by the thought of sex with strangers, but I think that's my cultural conditioning speaking. And it's well attested that people of all genders enjoy visual representations of nude bodies, and of sex, and people of all genders don't enjoy it as well - it's a very individual thing. Finally, I am convinced that it is perfectly possible for a straight male to enjoy watching female bodies, without objectifying individual females he meets.

But on the other hand, you have got a glimpse of your T's private life that makes you uncomfortable. And that discomfort is worth discussing. I think that if you don't, it could potentially cause problems in your therapy down the road. Just my opinion.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Butterflying

I just went on that site and saw another new pin--the head of Freud with a naked female body in it--a picture within a picture but the naked body is obvious. It's a drawing. Shows breasts , pubic hair. Ugh! This is just wrong. I really don't want to know this. I have to consider this could be someone else trying to get him in trouble but the site also has regular things.

This seems like a prank to me. The hot sex with a stranger remark sounds juvenile, like it came from someone who's never had sex. And i think the Freud drawing clinches it. What do you mean, all his interests are there? Like copied from facebook? That to me would be another hint its false.

[A Red Panda]

How do you know it's definitely your T? It could be someone else with the same name.... or as others have definitely suggested, it could be someone pulling a prank... maybe even a client!

[Butterflying]

I've decided that I have to bring it up next session. It is possible that someone could have pretended to be him but they would have to know him well because it contains many things he enjoys

I don't negate that people have their own sexual preferences and that really is their business but a therapist should not make it public because it could cause problems.