[stopdog]

What voice do you use to tell the therapist things? I tend to use the second person.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

What voice do you use to tell the therapist things? I tend to use the second person.

Could you give an example?

If Stopdog uses:

1st person: "I never forget"
2nd person: "You never forget" (meaning "people in general never forget")
3rd person: "Stopdog never forgets" or "She never forgets"

Is that what you mean, SD?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Could you give an example?

Of what constitutes second person?

"You walk down the hall and as you reach for the light switch you realize you are not alone"
The novel Bright Lights Big City was written in the second person.

[tealBumblebee]

I generally use first person, so I clicked that.

But I also clicked that it changes depending on the subject. I tend to slip into second person when describing emotion "you know how you just feel like it's all about to ..." and I know that at least last session (if no other one) I used 3rd person when talking about some hard stuff to dissociate me from "her" (aka me as a child).

[Leah123]

I deliberately choose and maintain first person. I don't want to distance myself from my perceptions by using other forms, even though it may be a bit uncomfortable or make me feel vulnerable at times.

[unaluna]

I endeavor to use the objectively grammatically correct person. To whom i am referring when i speak is probably confusing enough as it is. Plus, i was once told- at a young and impressionable age - that the use of the second person when referring to oneself was psychologically significant, so i feel guilty and stupid using the second person. I was told that it showed reluctance to own my feelings; that i wanted to see them as universal, which was impossible to know.

Eta - i mean, i hear that "you" coming out, and im like a deer caught in the freakin car headlights. Not fun.

[stopdog]

Hankster - that is interesting.
I may well use it as distancing, but I do not use the voice as universal. I find second person very personal. I am rarely describing feelings, but relating action. Usually I have no feelings about the situation.
I tend to see it happening in the second person as I am relating it.

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by hankster

...I was told that it showed reluctance to own my feelings; that i wanted to see them as universal, which was impossible to know.

I think this totally makes sense!! I'm very "limited" with my emotions (T knows this and we often spend a lot of time labeling just what it is I feel). But when I think about the occasions that I used second person; it's usually when I don't feel completely right about having an emotion and I turn it into a question because "isn't it normal to feel like that?" (usually it's not lol).

[HazelGirl]

Mostly first, but sometimes I will change to second if I am feeling really intimidated by the subject.

[rainbow8]

When my T and I did IFS and talked about my parts, we both referred to them in the third person. Example: She feels left out and wants to know you care about her. Or: she doesn't want you to know what she's feeling. Or T would say: "What does she need from you?"

Now I usually speak in 1st person. I don't think I've used second person in therapy.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Of what constitutes second person?

"You walk down the hall and as you reach for the light switch you realize you are not alone"
The novel Bright Lights Big City was written in the second person.

And you (meaning you, Stopdog) talk like that in session?

That would never have occurred to me.
Don't your Ts discourage that?

[feralkittymom]

Looking at it from a language perspective, it certainly feels distancing to me, especially when relating actions. I can see how using second person when talking about feelings could be an attempt to make a singular feeling more communal. It can be a way of sharing the feeling that forces the other person to consciously relate to the feeling expressed--even to co-create it. I guess I have used that form occasionally when trying to describe a feeling I can't easily name. But overwhelmingly first person in narration.

The passive voice is used by me.
No, not really, but I couldn't resist.

Mostly first person, but sometimes I use indefinite pronouns (someone or somebody) and sometimes I use a general "you", because there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as I see it. But I think I usually specify that it's a general and not specific "you", and it doesn't happen very often.

[brillskep]

Sounds like an interesting question, but I'm not sure I understood correctly. Do you mean you mostly use second person when telling your therapist things? Like, you did this, you are that ... instead of I am, I have, etc? I'm not sure how you could talk using just one person ... so, is this what you meant?

[CantExplain]

I'm impressed that everyone knows so much grammar.

[brillskep]

Okay, I'm sure I got it right about your question. It's just so different from all my experience of myself and others in therapy. I mean, I can understand certain clients using mostly third person to feel safe or even out of habit, but I really haven't heard of adult people using second person to relate their own experiences (and I've only heard of one child who did that). So that's what caused my confusion.

Personally I talk to my therapist in all persons depending on what I'm talking about. I use first person when talking about myself. I use second person when addressing my therapist and talking about him (generally speaking ... it needn't be personal, it could be something like "Remember when you told me ..."). I use third person when I talk about people who are not me or my therapist or if we are working with a projective technique that requires that I detach from a certain part of myself and talk about myself in the situation as a this party.

This is pretty much textbook grammar as far as I understand and also how I see the world.

The way I interpreted the question was whether the client talks about themselves in the first, second, or third person, or in some other way. If somebody referred to other people in the first person that would be very interesting... it takes a while for very young children to learn to differentiate between "I" and other people, so maybe a person who regressed to an infant stage in therapy could start referring to others as "I"? I have no idea if that would ever happen.

[CantExplain]

One can simply tell the therapist it isn't working and that you are not coming back. Or, without announcing it one can simply never go back, or not schedule another appointment.

Precisely. So why does one so well read say "you" when one means "one"?

(I am only teasing one.)

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Precisely. So why does one so well read say "you" when one means "one"?

(I am only teasing one.)

I fixed it. A combination of factors including lack of sleep would be my reason behind the carelessness. But carelessness would be the actual reason.

[lrt1978]

It depends, I don't use the word "I" when talking to my T but do sometimes use things like " nasty Lrt1978 was horrible and said ......."

Other times it's the eating disorder talking so will say things like " Ed was mad" or "Ed is becoming sensitive over weight"

Not sure if that's what you mean

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I did tend to talk in third person constantly but t did bring it to my attention and correct me.
I talked as if I was referring to somebody else, she wanted me to own my feelings and experiences and now I am more careful when I talk about myself.
It's still so hard to say I this or I that and sometimes when I first started I would say I have a friend who does this or that rather that say I did.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ambra]

If I'm talking about facts I usually talk in first person, for feelings I use mostly the second person or something like it, one or third person plural which is super neutral in my native language. I think I try to make things universal by doing that: if it's not just about me but "felt this way by the world" it doesn't feel so silly anymore. Don't know if it makes any sense.