Crying in Session- Not me, my THERAPIST!!!!

Last week my therapist teared up and a tears actually fell after I discussed a memory of CSA.

This made me uncomfortable, especially since I was not crying, and actually talked about it with not much emotion. I just sat there, as he hung his head down for about 30 seconds, rubbed his head then we proceeded. He didn't say anything as to what he was feeling.

Do any of your therapist's cry or am I weird for feeling awkward about this?

It would bother me if the therapist started crying while I was at an appointment. I expect the woman to control her emotions, though I doubt she would have any over anything I have said, until I am gone. I have never cried at an appointment and don't plan on doing so.

I don't think that you're weird, or that he's weird, or anything.

I think it's normal to feel that detachment over something so traumatic - there's nothing wrong with you for not crying or feeling much yourself. It's hard to live with that pain, so it's a natural response to block it out.

I also think it's alright that you feel awkward that he cried - I would feel that way too. When someone cries for someone else, it shows that they care and have empathy for that person. I know that I'm not used to feeling like someone cares, so if someone shows that in a concrete way like that... I don't know how to respond.

I also think it's alright that your T cried, it shows that he cares and sometimes people just can't stop the tears.

I've had my therapist tear up. I try to write down anything that I think she'll tear up about or be overly concerned about. Usually its because I've taken a turn for the worse and her inability to actually help.

My therapist has teared up a few times. I was uncomfortable one time -- because basically I was being a giant ***** to him. One time I was honestly perplexed because I thought what I was talking about was not that big of deal. The other time, it seemed kind of sweet. Some people are just more emotional than others.

T has had tears in her eyes, but never fully cried. It did make me feel awkward, but then I realised that maybe that is the right reaction to what I was telling T. And that I should feel upset too. Gave me material to ponder over.
And made me feel like T cared.

Mine has teared up a few times. It was okay. It was a perfectly normal reaction to what we were discussing.

I don't think T has every actually cried however I have had a few times that she was fighting it and I could tell in her voice. I don't have a problem with I figure the qualities that I like about her are her compassion, empathy, caring and support and above all human. The fact that she has those and can show them is a positive thing. She knows I can't cry in front of people including her but often I wish I could.

I think mine may have had tears in her eyes, but I'm not sure about that. I think if she really obviously cried, I probably would too. I tend to cry when others do, even if things aren't super sad for me.

hi. just shows hes a human. my T said that sometimes she feels like crying (not with me). maybe some are able to control it better than others or maybe it was too strong. tc

My Ex T early in therapy cried one time she apologized for the tears. I felt that was a a "glue" moment. I was attached no doubt about it. For someone to cry while I talked about my past was a very touching moment. I miss her so much!

I think more people should be crying about CSA. My question to myself is why don't I?

I can't, and don't want to, imagine T tearing up. (Nor anybody else, not as a reaction to anything I could tell them.) I bet it was uncomfortable. And more discomfort is the last thing you need, so I hope your T can be more controlled in future.

I could have written that post... I was telling my xT about a childhood event and he teared up...at first it made me extremely uncomfortable and then it made me angry. I told him if I wasnt crying then neither should he...he told me that i couldnt control his emotions and that he was sad about what happened to me even if I couldnt be.

The best therapist I ever had actually teared up while I was telling her about some of the more painful parts of my childhood and I was deeply touched by it.

To think someone else cared enough to shed a tear over what I'd been through?

Very moving indeed.

Therapists are people too. If the crying was going on consistantly I might bring it up. This case sounds like it was an intense session. It makes sense you didn't cry. The more painful a memory is, the more detached I tend to be.

T geared up once. It felt awkward but also made me feel like she was really connected.

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It seems like a normal empathic response to me. And feeling touched, bonded, or angry, uncomfortable in turn would be equally normal reactions to crying. If a T collapsed in tears, I would question what was going on and would probably find it inhibiting at the very least.

My T teared up a few times. I think he worked pretty hard to keep composure because my experience was of struggling with overwhelming emotions that I feared would engulf and destroy me. So to have him be calm and contained was reassuring for me.

I think in general Ts try to modulate their response to counter the client's presentation. So if a client is detached from their emotions, a T may allow more of their own response to show.

I haven't been to therapy since my therapist broke out balling, this was the second one that after listening to just part of my story broke out crying. It made me feel like I was beyond help. Now I just try to read and lean on a good friend who has similar experiences to mine

Honestly I feel like a bad person because my initial thought was WTF! Then I questioned (in my head) if he was being genuine. This quickly turned to me feeling almost guilty for thinking negatively about someone who has been nothing but caring and compassionate.

I wouldn't feel badly about your reaction at all. It caught you by surprise, and it sounds like you envision the therapy process as maybe a bit more cool and distant--so this action would counter that.

ETA: I think it might be really fruitful, though, to talk with him about how you experienced the whole thing. Especially as you weren't feeling emotional about what you were saying, and his reaction being so different from yours. Lots of good material there to explore.

This, I think, for many of us is our path... to learn to feel emotion, openly even.

For me, shutting down emotionally is so ingrained in me that I can't even identify what I feel at any given moment. (At best, I have to really work hard at putting a name to an emotion... like a half hour or so, and then I generally just feel exhausted and frustrated from thinking so hard that those are the only feelings that I can identify, haha.) But also, when others display emotion it makes me uncomfortable; often I have to leave the area or turn off the TV, or whatever.

StarLight, you didn't do anything wrong... being incorrect isn't being wrong in any moral or ethical sense.
As children, suffering trauma, learning to shut down our emotions is a valuable survival technique. It got us through those difficult things that our young minds didn't have the education to process through very well. There's no shame in that either.

As adults, it's our burden to learn how to turn those very normal and need emotions... all of them, any emotion. To feel emotion and is vital to meeting life head-on and thrive, not merely survive. And it's not only a heavy burden but it's a difficult process... at least for me it is.
But IMHO, there is a rich and rewarding life out there for those who can feel and embrace those feelings and then move forward.

I would encourage you to go back to your T and tell them everything about this line of thought that you're dealing with. Tell them about this forum chatter too. Use strong words to express what you felt about the crying... maybe that it was repulsive and made you angry, etc. (Use your words, not mine.) I think by doing so will help your T realize where you are on your path to healing and learning to feel. (Just a suggestion.)

Whoa. Honestly, I think I'd end up terminating over that. As a person who hates crying with every fiber of her being, I'd end up either lashing out or leaving. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, OP.
I don't have any real advice but think you handled it with far more grace than I'd have been able to manage. I commend you for that.

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Two of my Ts have teared up in session. Neither of them have actually cried full out. School T used to do it kinda frequently because she was even more inexperienced and had a very hard time hearing about what I was saying. I'd handle the situation by saying "you look really upset". This would usually make her snap back and collect herself and acknowledge that she was feeling very empathetic.

LCM has teared up I think a few times but the one time that I remember very clearly because it was unexpected was when I told her (while still residential) that when she comes to work in the morning, I feel like a little girl whose mom has just returned home from work and I want to run up and give her a hug and tell her that I missed her but then I remember I can't do that because I'm not her daughter and I will never have that experience. She teared up and it threw me off a little because I'm somewhat prepared for an emotional reaction when I talk about trauma or something.

I can remember a couple of times that my therapist's eyes welled up with tears. It was in response to my describing a situation where I was genuinely helpless and unable to protect myself from exploitation. Both times, I described the pain, but I was somewhat distant from it - like I was describing what happened to someone else. So I was not trying to elicit a reaction from her. But I'll never forget looking up at her and seeing the evidence that she felt my pain. It impacted me. For so long I felt shamed by my pain - like I didn't have a right to feel that pain - like it was my fault that I was in the situation to begin with. Seeing the tears in her eyes, and her calm presence of compassion was incredibly healing for me. I don't remember how she put it, but she said something along the lines of her wishing she could avenge my pain. It was so unbelievable how it felt to me to have someone hearing my story that clearly felt my pain and felt protective toward me. First time ever.

So.. I think it may depend on how it played out with respect to a therapist reaction. If they were crying buckets of tears, then I'd feel weird too. But the spontaneous thing where her eyes welled with tears was a very positive experience for me.