[llanjay8]

It just makes me feel really sad, the idea that my T might have a husband and kids, and she does things with her life and sees friends that I don't know about. That she probably never thinks about me and I'm just some client.
There's nothing romantic I feel; just sadness at the thought of her having a family. I know how ridiculous I sound - of course, she's just a regular person- but I can't help feeling like this.

It seems so unfair that some lucky kids/adults get her as their mother. My T is so understanding, just the thought of her having a life away from me that I don't know about... It really gets to me.

Is this normal? Do any of you feel like this?

[HazelGirl]

It is totally normal. The good thing is that you can learn from her and eventually have a great life of your own.

Originally Posted by llanjay8

It just makes me feel really sad, the idea that my T might have a husband and kids, and she does things with her life and sees friends that I don't know about. That she probably never thinks about me and I'm just some client.
There's nothing romantic I feel; just sadness at the thought of her having a family. I know how ridiculous I sound - of course, she's just a regular person- but I can't help feeling like this.

It seems so unfair that some lucky kids/adults get her as their mother. My T is so understanding, just the thought of her having a life away from me that I don't know about... It really gets to me.

Is this normal? Do any of you feel like this?

I don't feel that way, but I'm probably in the minority.

I love love love my hour, but don't want anything other than that. It wouldn't be the same seeing him outside of session. T would end up like any other friend.

[Cherubbs]

The first time I bumped into my therapist out of therapy I told him he simply shouldn't be allowed to walk around the streets like that. I'm used to it now but yes, I know what you mean. It seems a bit odd but I guess it's quite a common feeling.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Cherubbs

The first time I bumped into my therapist out of therapy I told him he simply shouldn't be allowed to walk around the streets like that. I'm used to it now but yes, I know what you mean. It seems a bit odd but I guess it's quite a common feeling.

I'm curious as to what your T said in response to this.

[Leah123]

I believe it's completely understandable. You find someone who really listens, cares, and knows how to help you with difficult problems. They're almost entirely focused on you during all your time together.

Why wouldn't you want someone like that to just be devoted to you, haha.

I feel the same way occasionally, though the more mature, well-rounded part of me knows that if she didn't have a rich, engaging life, and some good experience and history, she wouldn't be in the place she is now, to be so giving to me, to serve me so well. Anyhow, I think this is pretty common, happens a lot in romantic and other intimate relationships too.

[Aloneandafraid]

Llanjay8. I feel exactly the same. My T has been away for three weeks visiting her son and grandchildren. I don't know if I should tell her how badly it has affected me or just go along with everything being okay and go along with I'm just pleased to see her again. I want to tell her how much it hurt that she went to stay with her family but it feels too self indulgent and just wrong as I know I am not and never will be in her real life. I am just a client and it really, really hurts. I so relate to your post. I often think about her children and grandchildren and husband and how lucky they are to have her in their lives. I just wish I could be a little bit more than just a client to her. I usually feel worse after seeing her - surely this can't be good/positive therapy? Xx

[RTerroni]

YES, I do all the time

[Cherubbs]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I'm curious as to what your T said in response to this.

He just laughed it off saying he works so many hours he's practically on lock-down anyway and I shouldn't worry about bumping into him too often.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I didn't feel sad that she had a life, I was actually happy for her the same way I enjoy seeing my friends happy lives, kind of as 'proof' that happiness does exist - but I felt sad that I had none and at that time I truly 100% believed that I was somehow so utterly damaged that I would never have one. Not properly, not sustainably.

I really don't feel that way anymore - not all the time anyway. I have very dark days when my world looks bleak in the extreme, but I don't have that grinding belief in my core that this is as good as it gets. It's still ****ing hard, but the downward spiral is mostly an uphill struggle these days.

[rainbow8]

I understand your feelings very well. I'm not sad that my T has a life, but I'm sad that I don't know more about that life, and that it excludes me. I used to feel worse about it than I do now, maybe because I am happier in my life. Still, it bothers me that I don't know T's family, except from what she has told me, and what I looked up on Facebook. I feel sad that she got divorced, for her sake, and also because there was security in knowing who she was with. Again, it's not that she has a life, but it's that I am not allowed "into" that life.

[Favorite Jeans]

I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but her kids and the rest of her family likely do not get the endlessly patient, compassionate, calm, kind version of her that you get in session. She's almost certainly a regular person who yells and gets frustrated and is sometimes thoughtless and mean to the people she loves like anyone else. You are getting her professional persona. The people close to her trigger her issues and drive her nuts and worry her and she's just a normal flawed person with them. She doesn't give them her undivided attention all the time, she multitasks and feels frazzled and annoyed like every other mom. Outside of therapy T's are regular people who generally don't enjoy better mental health or healthier family relationships than anyone else.