[Shiny Things]

Newish T, whom I'm still trying to warm up to, wistfully said " I would love to win the lottery and stay home with my babies...".

Everyone I know has to work to support themselves. But, for some reason, I hate knowing this. I feel weird crying and whining to a T who probably is thinking "I'm listening to this fool cry and would rather be home with my own crying kids". I begin that age old worry that I am just a job to T, a job she "has" to have.

This isn't something I'd bring up to T. It's a small enough issue that I can resolve with some insight. Thoughts?

[ThisWayOut]

I don't think I'd want to know that about my t either, though I'm pretty sure everyone feels that way at some point. I would definitely bring it up with my t though because it plays a huge role in my insecurities...

I'd feel really hurt about that. I'm sorry.

[HazelGirl]

I am sure this is normal for all people to feel, but it would definitely make me uncomfortable, too. I am sorry.

[stopdog]

I like both of my jobs but would not mind winning the lottery so I did not have to work. As it is, although I enjoy teaching and the part time practice of law, there are times when I day dream about not needing to do it in order to pay bills.

Therapists are doing a job. It would be kind of creepy to me for someone to want to sit around listening to others in the way they do just for fun. But that does not necessarily mean they don't enjoy the work even if there are times they wish, like many people, to simply have the means to not have to do it.

[A Red Panda]

I would love to win the lottery and not have to work.

I don't say that to my students, although I do let them know how excited I am for the weekends and holidays and that I can't wait until summer. I also remind them that I love being with them, but that I also love time to myself. I think it's fairly normal to love both ideas at once.

Although in a therapy session, I can really see how that would hurt. My T once rushed through a session because he wanted it to be the weekend... and I was really uspet. I'd actually booked the day off because I didn't want to feel rushed (I have to rush there from work and our sessions are shorter because of when he's done work).. and he'd picked the day. I'd felt like I was a waste of his time.

[AmysJourney]

I don't know, it never really bothers me to know that essentially I am a job. I mean, I am reminded at every session anyway because I have to pay a lot of money for it. Maybe I am in the minority, but I am glad that a therapist is a job first and foremost. And I am glad that there are people who choose their job to be helping people and investing in their wellbeing.
Yes, my T is really great and she cares a great deal about me. And that is nice. But I can't bring myself to want to be something else like a "job" because it leaves the power in my own hands, it gives me the tools I need to live a better life and it gives me the control over my life, not anyone else. I appreciate the support, the help, the care, the compassion and I believe it to be all real. But for me, making it more than a job would make me get awfully dependent and unable to rely on my own strength and it would just mess with my head way too much.
Because, even if it is a job, it doesn't mean that there is not a huge element of humanity and comfort in it. But in my humble opinion it helps a lot to realize it's a job they are doing and that they get paid for, that they have trained for. It keeps my reality straight.
But well, that's just me :-)

[nottrustin]

While T has never said that I do know that she is like a lot of people would love to not HAVE to work in order to pay the bills. It doesn't mean they don't love what they do and give it 100% it just means they would like to feel they have choices.

I work because I have to...I love my job MOST of the time and can't imagine not doing it. However, there are days that I wish I wasn't working so I could be with my teenagers more and not have my work interfere with their activities schedule.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I think both things can co-exist and be true. It's not an either or situation.

Most of us would love to have enough money to not have to worry about paying the bills, and to be able to spend plenty of time with loved ones BUT I think after an extended holiday most people would want to engage with the world in a way that is meaningful to them and would want to follow their passion again. For a therapist who has a vocation to help others in the way they do, I think they would be drawn back to doing that after a while of being engrossed in their children. Most mothers don't want to always be defined solely as 'mum' after they have kids- they want to do whatever it is that makes them tick, whether it's being a therapist or a writer or a dedicated sportsperson or whatever.

So I think your therapist made a tactless remark, but probably not an accurate one.

[Shiny Things]

You know what? It was hurtful, and a bit insensitive on her part. My xT was more deliberate and didn't just blurt things out. I can't deal with this T's disclosure anymore.
Last session she was telling me about her upcoming plans which involved a family activity, when she KNOWS I am struggling to reconcile with ALL my family members. Sheesh...

[Hellion]

I kind of all ready figure my therapy sessions are a job to my therapist and past therapists, so I don't expect them to particularly look forward to my sessions or have some connection with me that they don't with other clients....essentially I doubt I am special to the therapist and I really don't care as that is not what therapy is for anyways. Therapy is to try and get professional help with problems from someone who has training in that area...obviously I want a therapist I get along with ok and don't feel akward around but yeah in reality they are working as my therapist and other peoples therapists....I imagine just like everyone else with a job they sometimes fanasize about not having to go to work, but I don't think its because the don't care at all about their clients and want to leave them having to switch therapists or without a therapist...sort of like I doubt most store employees hate all the customers but might sometimes get burnt out dealing with them.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by Shiny Things

You know what? It was hurtful, and a bit insensitive on her part. My xT was more deliberate and didn't just blurt things out. I can't deal with this T's disclosure anymore.
Last session she was telling me about her upcoming plans which involved a family activity, when she KNOWS I am struggling to reconcile with ALL my family members. Sheesh...

Well that there does seem kind of inappropriate...since when is your therapy time a time for her to go on about her plans with her family/friends ect. Have you told her this sort of disclosure makes you feel hurt? I don't know it seems like a lot of threads in this section describe therapists behaving in sometimes disturbingly inappropriate and unprofessional ways.

But yeah when you go to therapy its about you, not your therapist and how much fun she thinks she might have going out with her family. I'd consider switching if my therapist went on about stuff like that.

[sweepy62]

I agree that the disclosure was in no way therapeutic. I would feel uncomfortable as well, those thoughts are better to be shared with colleagues, family or friends, as it may make the client, insecure. Knowing me sarcastic as I am, I would have said, well, I wish I didnt have all these problems, so I dint have to come here every week, and burden you, but then again you chose this career, so keep playing lotto, maybe your dream will come true, hopefully soon.

[Shiny Things]

I'm not feeling hurt anymore, now I'm angry. This is just another thing adding up to realize this isn't the T for me. I have tried to quit a few times, but kept trying to give it a chance b/c I need therapy, but maybe not this one. Stupid little stuff, like not remembering things I've told her..or dumb remarks. Now, I'm not sure I'll be able to tell her why I'm really quitting, I'll say I feel OK and want to fly on my own.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Shiny Things

I'm not feeling hurt anymore, now I'm angry. This is just another thing adding up to realize this isn't the T for me. I have tried to quit a few times, but kept trying to give it a chance b/c I need therapy, but maybe not this one. Stupid little stuff, like not remembering things I've told her..or dumb remarks. Now, I'm not sure I'll be able to tell her why I'm really quitting, I'll say I feel OK and want to fly on my own.

If you are honest, she may be able to refer you to someone who is better suited to what you need.

[Shiny Things]

I think I'll just be honest with any potential t's. I looked on pc's find a therapist and there are lot's of t's in my area that accept my insurance. I'll tell them disclosure of any sort, along with touch, trigger me and do they practice this way. This T has been told this, but blunders, a lot. She would make a great friend, she is so nice and talkitive.

[unlockingsanity]

I doubt it was meant to be a personal attack, even if it feels that way. Most people dream about being free of the necessity of work - even if they love what they do. It's about having the freedom to whatever you want vs. doing something you must.

[RTerroni]

Exactly I think that most people believe that if they won the lottery they would just stop working (I have even thought about the idea before) but I think that Therapists should realize that they have people who depend on them and count on them.

[someone321]

I think it was very insensitive from you T and I'd feel really hurt... I know that it is a job but I still hope that Ts do their job not only to earn some money... If I won a lottery, for sure I'd work less but I would still work as I like my job - money is important (especially when you do not have enough) but it is not the thing which really counts... Maybe I am very naive but I hope that most Ts do not work only to be able to pay their bills but because they are happy when they can help, they like meeting new people, being challenged, develop themselves etc...

[AmysJourney]

Originally Posted by someone321

I think it was very insensitive from you T and I'd feel really hurt... I know that it is a job but I still hope that Ts do their job not only to earn some money... If I won a lottery, for sure I'd work less but I would still work as I like my job - money is important (especially when you do not have enough) but it is not the thing which really counts... Maybe I am very naive but I hope that most Ts do not work only to be able to pay their bills but because they are happy when they can help, they like meeting new people, being challenged, develop themselves etc...

I am sure for a lot of therapists their job is not just a job per se. In a way it can't be because they are dealing with very intimate issues all day every day and it takes a certain kind of person who can do this work.
But as for all jobs, there is a real chance that therapists get burnt out, tired, exhausted. They have heard it all, many have for many years. Nothing is really new to them. Having close intimate relationships with many different clients must be absolutely difficult and straining. I am sure that at some point the very human nature of therapists makes them wish to quit for a while, concentrate on them and their families for a while. Or it can make the resent their clients for a while, get frustrated at them - we have heard it all too. And it's normal. We expect a lot of them and although trained, they have very human emotions and thoughts too.. We just don't like to think about it much because of course many idealize their therapists, fall in love with them, even need them for their survival..
But at the end of the day we are dealing with humans who have limits as well.

[angelicgoldfish05]

If she is new she may be trying to warm up to you by talking about something she thought you might relate to, however it was insensitive and sounds like it backfired. If she is a new T in the field itself, she may just be unsure of her own abilities or desire to do her job and is entertaining an escape route, albeit a fantastical one. If I were in her situation, I'd be scared I wouldn't be able to help you or give you what you needed. Maybe I'd be thinking about being home with my babies because I have learned how to care for them over time, am more confident of my abilities there, and receive the feelings of assurance I need from them that when I do certain things, they are taken care of, responsive, seem happier and healthier, and therefore I feel happier, validated and capable. She doesn't have this with you yet. Give it time to grow.

You mentioned you don't want to bring it up with her. Your choice, although if you decide to stay with her and she continues to say things that feel hurtful to you, it may be time to look for a different T.

[brillskep]

I'm sorry to hear that. It seems like a very difficult situation to both. I don't consider psychotherapy a job one can do well just because they have to.

I know the feeling and I empathize with you. Personally, I would not want to share my most intimate thoughts and feelings with someone who doesn't want to be there with me. I appreciate honesty, but this seems like too much and too soon from a new T. Pretty uncalled for, in my opinion.

On the other hand, if she has babies, I also understand her wanting to be there with them. Maternity changes one's priorities in a huge way, and naturally it should. She has a new most important role in her life, new responsibilities, new worries, plus even sleep is a luxury with newborn babies, let alone relaxation. I assume this could have contributed to burnout and to a less than optimal interaction with you.

It's up to you whether you want to give her a chance as your T even knowing she has other priorities at the moment or if you'd rather find another, more involved therapist. I also wouldn't hurry to decide not to talk to her about it. That is also a possibility and maybe it could improve things for you or at least help you make a decision.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Shiny Things

Newish T, whom I'm still trying to warm up to, wistfully said " I would love to win the lottery and stay home with my babies...".

Everyone I know has to work to support themselves. But, for some reason, I hate knowing this. I feel weird crying and whining to a T who probably is thinking "I'm listening to this fool cry and would rather be home with my own crying kids". I begin that age old worry that I am just a job to T, a job she "has" to have.

This isn't something I'd bring up to T. It's a small enough issue that I can resolve with some insight. Thoughts?

Awe, I have had those moments. Those shattering, empty.... "she does not want to be here" moments.

It helps me to remember, since I have a little girl, that even as a mom, to be dead honest with you.... sometimes I don't want to be here either, lol!

I'd never abandon my amazing daughter, I love her to death, forever. Nonetheless, parenting is work, and... sometimes we all fantasize, I believe, about not having to work. That doesn't mean we don't love the work or the relationship, or find it rewarding. Regarding my profession, I trust that if I did win the lottery, I'd enjoy vacation the first two weeks, and then want some good, meaningful work to do.

I hope you won't take her remark too seriously. It sounds more like the occasional idle daydream or wish we all may have if we are feeling tired or too busy, and not a reflection of how she truly feels about her meaningful career.

If it were me, also, I would tell her my feelings, though, and let her help with them.