It confuses me, and I don't know how to respond to it

[HazelGirl]

Eek! Are you sure that's the intent? If so, run away!!!

She comments and jokes and teases me about my hair, clothes, muscles, etc. Whether she is attracted or not, it is flirting and i want it to stop.

Partly because i have a very jealous girlfriend and if she found out that i wasn't doing everything i could to stop the flirting she would be mad at me and would accuse me of wanting it.

Tell her.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

She comments and jokes and teases me about my hair, clothes, muscles, etc. Whether she is attracted or not, it is flirting and i want it to stop.

If you want it to stop you need to tell her that. Who knows what reasons she has for doing this, or if they're valid or not. But you are well within your rights to bring this up. Perhaps she's not aware that what she's doing is coming across to you as flirting, and you need to point it out. Or maybe she does. Either way, it needs to be talked about. ANYTHING a T does in session that makes the client uncomfortable is a valid concern. Bring it up. It may lead to a really useful conversation.

Oh god, I hope I'm not offending you when I say this but stop creating drama where there is none. If you are uncomfortable with your therapists actions, then you have the ability as a man and as a human being to make this person aware of how you feel. Do not do it out of fear of your domineering girlfriend, but do it for you, if you do so feel inclined.

Again if I am being offensive, let me know as that is not my intention.

[Littlemeinside]

Sometimes we feel like people are flirting, when they are just being friendly. I´m sure that your rehab T isn´t flirting but may think you can handle " normal social interaction" between male and female. I don´t really know you but let her know and I am sure she will change her PROFESSSIONAL approach in order to help you.
What you´re describing is not flirting. It´s just a professional trying to create a working allience and give you some positive feedback in order for you to work on some stuff ( motivate you to exercise, keep up with personal hygiene ect.???). Hate to break it to, but since she is a rehab T, her approach may be a bit different from your used to.

[learning1]

Does Rehab T mean it's a different arrangement from a private practice or outpatient t who you chose yourself? The comments you said she's making seem pretty close to always inappropriate/unprofessional to me. Maybe as a one time compliment in the right context, but even then they seem close to crossing a line. I wonder about the t's training and qualifications. In case she doesn't respond well to you saying something to her, is there a supervisor to talk to? Are you required to work with this t? If so, I see how confronting her would be more sensitive.

It isn't your fault if the t is harassing you. I don't think there's a reason to tell your girlfriend, as if you were doing anything wrong. If your girlfriend might not be supportive of you in situations where you might be getting harassed, that's a whole other issue. If it's not one you can deal with now, maybe just don't bring it up with your girlfriend?

[eskielover]

If you feel it's flirting then you need to express to her what you are feeling about what she says......she may not even think it's flirting.....but if that's the way you feel about it....it's better that she knows how you feel so that she can stop interacting with you in that way.....as there is no way a T would want to act in a way that would make anyone feel as though they are being flirted with......that way she can be more sensitive in how she reacts with others in the future.

Many times we see things in ways they aren't even intended because our programming is different than others. However this shouldn't be about your GF.....it should be about how YOU ARE FEELING about it. I know at times it's difficult to express our feelings.....but it's a good learning experience to do it while you are there & get some practice with doing that....skills that will benefit you long into your life.

[IndestructibleGirl]

One person's flirtatiousness is another person's simply being friendly and trying to build rapport. You need to bring this up - it's making you uncomfortable, but I'd say there's a good chance that the last thing this T wants to do is make you uncomfortable! It might well be her own personal style, but if it isn't working for you then you might gain a lot by telling her. Either she can be mindful of the personal remarks - quit making them about your appearance, etc, or she can explain what she means in a way that you find acceptable and don't feel worried anymore, or maybe you could work with somebody else.

[AmysJourney]

You have a mouth to speak what you want or don't want, a heart that is allowed to feel flattered, a girlfriend who loves you and apparently muscles :-) to defend yourself.To me this doesn't sound like harassment but if it feels like that to you, then use what you have to make this a better situation.

[unaluna]

Otoh, if this were a woman complaining about her male t? Wed be sending him to the vets to get fixed.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by hankster

Otoh, if this were a woman complaining about her male t? Wed be sending him to the vets to get fixed.

Haha

True that! If he were making remarks about her body in a certain kind of way, yes. But what if he just said stuff like I like your tshirt, or your hair looks nice today? Or even wow you have great guns, said in an admiring-the-fitness sort of way (plenty of women do, after all... my sister is dedicated to fitness, for example) Maybe not?

I can think of instances where people use these sorts of compliments because they genuinely mean them and because they are trying to boost the person's self-image. Not because they are trying to hit on them!

[Middlemarcher]

Whether or not she's flirting with you, IT, I do think it's inappropriate. Whether it's an attempt to build rapport or encourage self-care or boost your self-esteem or whatever, I don't think it's a good idea on her part, and it would make me uncomfortable and angry. Since she's your rehab T, I assume you're stuck with her, so I do hope you find the courage to ask her to refrain from this sort of thing.

I am unable to mention it to her because I have to live in this rehab place and I see her around a lot.

My partner has accused me in the past of wanting female Ts, but really I always say that I have no preference

[blur]

you can say something to her; just be tactful about it. this would be practicing setting boundaries which it sounds like you need to do where women are concerned.

say something like this:

i'm not really comfortable with some of the comments you have made about my appearance and your teasing me. it feels like flirting to me and i would like you to stop.

don't bring up your gf. that would be making your gf responsible for your discomfort. if this is really about your fears of your gf finding out and you really aren't bothered by T's flirting then that is a different ball of wax.

Originally Posted by blur

you can say something to her; just be tactful about it. this would be practicing setting boundaries which it sounds like you need to do where women are concerned.

say something like this:

i'm not really comfortable with some of the comments you have made about my appearance and your teasing me. it feels like flirting to me and i would like you to stop.

don't bring up your gf. that would be making your gf responsible for your discomfort. if this is really about your fears of your gf finding out and you really aren't bothered by T's flirting then that is a different ball of wax.

Thank you for your suggestions but I don't think I will be comfortable mentioning it, particularly as I see her around a lot . . .

I am bothered personally by the flirting, but also there is the added feeling that my GF will be pissed at me for letting it continue.

[eskielover]

Your GF would also probably appreciate you being more assertive in being able to take care of yourself.....it would be not only proving to yourself that you are capable of handling difficult situations but also to your GF when & if she were to ever find out....which wouldn't happen unless you said something in the first place.....would you want her to be proud of you....or pissed.......& wouldn't you feel much better about yourself knowing that you were able to TACTFULLY handle the situation?....might even help your self-esteem.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

She comments and jokes and teases me about my hair, clothes, muscles, etc. Whether she is attracted or not, it is flirting and i want it to stop.

It depends how she makes a comment. An example " You're quite a muscular guy " is just a statement. " Wow you've got a gorgeous body, I love big muscles on a man" is flirtatious behaviour.

"You're dressed smart " is just a polite statement. " Nice, I find a man dressed in a suit to be very sexy " is flirtatious.

Regardless, tell her you don't like it.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I am unable to mention it to her because I have to live in this rehab place and I see her around a lot.

My partner has accused me in the past of wanting female Ts, but really I always say that I have no preference

Ok it is completely wrong of her to do this. Are u in a drug rehab? When I was in hab yrs ago I had a male counselor coming in my room at night trying to sleep with me. I was too afraid to say anything. What she is doing is completely unethical and wrong and I think u should report her. Btw this happens in rehab a lot and ppl have no clue about it.