[StarLight25]

So what kind of touch is OK by a T? I know many people have different opinions on this. I've done a lot of reading, and it seems like many feel that any touch is a boundary violation.

Also, do you think it's OK for a T to grab and hold your hand during a difficult conversation, or ask if you want a hug at the end of session?

[brillskep]

I think a T having initiative to touch a client should happen only if the client has agreed to this. So the T should ask first. I also think the T needs to make sure s/he's asking for the client's sake, not for his/her own sake. But I think it's usually best to let the client ask for touch when needed. The meaning of touch also needs to be explored in order to make the touch therapeutic and not just a blind acting out. But I don't think all clients who ask for touch, need to be touched. I think there are a lot of nuances to this.

[AmysJourney]

There are some states where touch in therapy is regulated by ethic boards. But I think every T decides on a very individual basis if/when touch is appropriate.
It should never happen as an impulse from either the therapist or the client and needs to be discussed. Some clients want no touch whatsoever, for other's it's vital to their therapy.
My T hugs me at the end of a session or offers to hold my hand when things are really difficult. I had a bit of an issue with touch myself.
It was easier for me to not accept much touch from anyone - outside therapy as well as inside. Not because I didn't like it, but because I was afraid of attaching in an unhealthy way to someone. Also, because while I am really composed throughout most situations and have good coping mechanisms, when someone holds my hands or hugs me, I cry.
It's like it's tearing down my defenses for a moment and I feel unable to hold in emotions.
So for a long time I didn't want touch or hugs.
But my T always offered. We never really talked to much about touch except what I have said right here. When I first allowed her to hug me she said: "I have been waiting for this a long time :-)" To me it really was a big step and now I have a much better acceptance of what touch means to me.
So to me it was actually a huge part of my healing, although never explored to death in therapy.

[stopdog]

I don't think a therapist or client touching each other is wrong in a vacuum.
I don't want to be touched by the woman, but whatever others negotiate is up to them.

[Leah123]

It's an individual matter. Here are some previous threads on this ever-popular topic.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...t-hug-you.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...out-touch.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...4-hugging.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...therapist.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...ml#post3463856

[rainbow8]

I think touch is a very touchy subject! Ts set their own rules about it, and they differ from client to client. One T told me that she hugs other clients, but she didn't want to hug me because I have BPD. My current T told me, when I first started seeing her, that she will hug clients, but I didn't want to at first. I am scared of, and I crave touch, at the same time. When I did start hugging her, it became a ritual at the end of each session, and I enjoy the hugs now. It's still initiated by me, though.

I don't think a T should ever grab and hold your hand without asking you first, though I could see that happening in a very emotional situation, possibly. Asking if you want a hug is okay because they are asking you first.

Early in therapy, my T and I were doing IFS-internal family systems therapy, which focuses on "parts". A child part felt needy and wanted to be held. My T asked if the part wanted to hold her hand, and I nodded yes. That's how holding my T's hand began, but again, it was only when I asked her if she would do it. She stopped letting me hold her hand after about a year, but at my last session, she let me do it again. I think it's no coincidence that I haven't felt any urge to email her since then, and it's almost 2 weeks! When I think about her and feel unsettled between sessions, I always email her at least once, especially with sessions every 2 weeks now but this time I didn't have to.

So, for me touch is therapeutic, but yes, it's a controversial suject and not something to be taken lightly. I would talk about it with your T. Do you want her to touch you, or are you uncomfortable with it? Just curious if you want to answer.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Haha The 'therapists on the prowl for hugs' title made me giggle.

I think it should be agreed between each pair in the therapeutic relationship. Mine does small affectionate pats now and again. It's nice, I think. She kind of did it once or twice and then asked if it was alright, it was fine with me and now it happens more frequently. She did say at first when I came in I radiated '**** off and don't come near me' vibes, which sounds about right. I'm not the sort of person who hugs everyone, I enjoy hugging friends and am extremely tactile with lovers but I'm funny about my personal space.

When she asked if I wanted a hug lately I said no. I think because it would have felt contrived. Ick ick ick. I'm actually squicking myself out thinking about it right now. Withdrawing - who me?

Its totally ok with me. My t and i are always hugging and she holds my hand almost all the time when i talk about something hard.

[rainbow8]

I know this is off topic but I looked at the old thread, "On hugging your T", and it made me miss many who used to post here. I got such a sad feeling in my stomach and my heart. (I can't post emoticons right now for some reason) It was also interesting to read my posts on the subject, and told me something I forgot: my T and I held hands before I agreed to hugs. So thanks, Leah. Sometimes it's helpful to read old threads.

[sweepy62]

yeah I wonder what ever happened to them, i miss them as well.

[OneWorld]

On one of the old threads, someone mentioned that medical docs (pdoc?) usually don't hug but T's sometimes do. I wonder if that is actually true? Because I have had several MDs that have hugged during very difficult medical times so it would seem off that a mental health medical professional would automatically not touch?

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[Gavinandnikki]

My T would die before she would touch me.

[RTerroni]

My current Therapist doesn't normally hug but she told me that she will at final session should we have one, which at least is an improvement over a prior Therapist of mine.