[Neurotic 2 the bone]

I see a pyschologist for one hour once a week due to my severe depression and social anxiety. My problem is that when the sessions are over, I'm never ready for them to be over. I end up leaving feeling unfulfilled and full of regret for not being able to speak up, assert myself, and ask things that were on my mind. I prepare so much for each session and I always look forward to seeing her, but then when I'm in the chair I freeze up and have long periods of silence. I'm like a dear in the headlights, or on a stage and I've forgotten all my lines. I call it choking, but she says I'm just thinking and that that's okay. She's right, but what good is thinking if the thoughts never come out. By the time I'm feeling comfortable and starting to open up, the session is over. It's not her fault, it's mine.

I want to end each session gracefully, with a sense that I've made progress but the regrets always out weigh whatever positive steps we took during the hour. I've gone over all of this with her but I never get any better. I saw her today and now I'm sitting here wishing I could go back and redo the entire session but I have to wait another week. It's hard enough having to wait an entire week before I see her again (I like her A LOT), but it's even worse when you leave feeling like I haven't made the most of the session.

[Leah123]

Have you considered writing down what you'd like to say and giving it to her to read, so that you can convey what's important to you without dealing with the choking sensation? I've read many accounts of this working for people here on this forum, and it absolutely works well for me in my therapy. I find it a common and *relatively* easy transition to introduce certain things in writing and eventually get comfortable discussing them.

Also, I wonder if you feel safe enough in session? Not feeling safe is an excellent motivator to keep quiet, and I have found it super-helpful for myself to focus on establishing a high comfort and safety level before I talk about certain topics that may have caused me to dissociate or shut down if I forced myself to talk before I was ready.

So, for me, it's a mixture of getting comfortable by establishing that my needs are met for safety within therapy and then being patient and letting myself write it out or express it however is easiest. I even once brought up a horrid topic by playing her a song that alluded to it... it was a gentle way to enter into a very disturbing subject.

P.S. I've heard many folks, and I too, do better with 90 minute sessions- if you always feel on the verge of opening up as time runs out.... that might help somewhat, but if it doesn't seem practical or helpful, I think writing could be.

[HazelGirl]

Can you send her an email or a text ahead of time saying what you want to talk about? That's what I do with mine to help me get the courage to talk about difficult things.

[rainbow8]

How do you prepare for the sessions? Is it all in your mind or on paper? I agree with Leah that it might help if you write down what you want to talk about, and give that list to your T.

How long have you been seeing her? I used to do the same thing. I'd never say what I wanted to in my sessions, and would call my T as soon as I got home! This was before cell phones! As I got more comfortable in therapy, I'd be more open. I also realized how terrible I felt when I didn't talk, so I sort of forced myself. I know that's not always possible to do, and it's hard!

My current T gave me 90 minute sessions and that helped a lot! I wasn't so rushed because I knew there was plenty of time to get to everything, and time in the beginning of the session to "settle in" and connect with my T before I got to the heavy stuff.

Another idea is, if your T would allow it, is to draw or color in your session. I found that freeing for me so I could talk more easily. We finger-painted once, too. We also went on a couple of walks outside of the office, but I know most Ts wouldn't do that.

Good luck. I hope some of these ideas will help you!

[nottrustin]

I have the same problem. I had my session yesterday and didn't bring up an issue that I have been thinking about for the last couple of weeks but haven't brought up. Today I sent her an email telling her that I have thought about bring up the topic but haven't been able to because it is a difficult subject and while I was feeling that I should brought it up I thought I would send her an email so she could bring it up.

Her response was: " Thank you for emailing me to let me know where you are at. Yes, a very difficult issue to discuss.. I am pleased that you want to address this and I will work on bringing this up and help you work with me on this.It does take a lot to even bring it up--T

[RTerroni]

I feel that way too, I never want sessions to end, especially since my Therapist is the only Female who I have regular contact with.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Have you considered writing down what you'd like to say and giving it to her to read, so that you can convey what's important to you without dealing with the choking sensation? I've read many accounts of this working for people here on this forum, and it absolutely works well for me in my therapy. I find it a common and *relatively* easy transition to introduce certain things in writing and eventually get comfortable discussing them.

Also, I wonder if you feel safe enough in session? Not feeling safe is an excellent motivator to keep quiet, and I have found it super-helpful for myself to focus on establishing a high comfort and safety level before I talk about certain topics that may have caused me to dissociate or shut down if I forced myself to talk before I was ready.

So, for me, it's a mixture of getting comfortable by establishing that my needs are met for safety within therapy and then being patient and letting myself write it out or express it however is easiest. I even once brought up a horrid topic by playing her a song that alluded to it... it was a gentle way to enter into a very disturbing subject.

P.S. I've heard many folks, and I too, do better with 90 minute sessions- if you always feel on the verge of opening up as time runs out.... that might help somewhat, but if it doesn't seem practical or helpful, I think writing could be.

Leah123, thanks for the reply. I always have written down what I'd like to say and at times when I've been unable to speak I have just handed it to her. But a lot of the times I feel what I've written is either stupid or inappropriate and so I don't dare speak it or show it to her. I don't feel safe much of anywhere, but I do feel safe with her. Writing everything down definitely helps, she suggested the same thing herself. Little did she know I was already doing that and came to each session with a folder filled with letters and notes. My problem is actually reading aloud what's I've written or working up the courage to show it to her.

On Thursday when I left our session I was feeling really down. Not because of anything she said, but just that I dreaded going back home to loneliness and silence. I'm not ashamed to say I just cried all the way. I didn't even make it home, I stopped at a payphone (yes they still have those) and called a crisis line because I felt more depressed than usual. I was scaring myself.

The next day (Friday) I got a call from my T asking me if I wanted to come in for an impromptu session. She had a cancellation and said she wanted me to come over because she sensed something was wrong when I left the day before. I assumed someone at the crisis line had gotten a hold of her and told her to reach out to me. But much to my surprise she had no idea about me calling that number. It meant so much to me that she would reach out for no reason other than to check in. When I got there I told her about me calling the crisis line the day before. She said her intuition was right. I'll say. I left Friday's impromptu session feeling better than I've felt in a long time. It's good to know that I'm not just some assignment to her. She actually thought about me when I had left the day before and checked in the next day. One of the reasons I felt so unfullfilled after all our other sessions was that once a week just wasn't enough for me, I wanted more. I never told her this, but it's as if she knew somehow. Never underestimate a woman's intuition.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Can you send her an email or a text ahead of time saying what you want to talk about? That's what I do with mine to help me get the courage to talk about difficult things.

HazelGirl, that's a good idea. My problem would be getting my hand to stop trembling long enough to actually press the SEND button. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

How do you prepare for the sessions? Is it all in your mind or on paper? I agree with Leah that it might help if you write down what you want to talk about, and give that list to your T.

How long have you been seeing her? I used to do the same thing. I'd never say what I wanted to in my sessions, and would call my T as soon as I got home! This was before cell phones! As I got more comfortable in therapy, I'd be more open. I also realized how terrible I felt when I didn't talk, so I sort of forced myself. I know that's not always possible to do, and it's hard!

My current T gave me 90 minute sessions and that helped a lot! I wasn't so rushed because I knew there was plenty of time to get to everything, and time in the beginning of the session to "settle in" and connect with my T before I got to the heavy stuff.

Another idea is, if your T would allow it, is to draw or color in your session. I found that freeing for me so I could talk more easily. We finger-painted once, too. We also went on a couple of walks outside of the office, but I know most Ts wouldn't do that.

Good luck. I hope some of these ideas will help you!

Hello Rainbow8. I come fully prepared for each session if anything, I feel I overprepare. I have everything written down in a folder I bring with me. I try to memorize everything so I don't have to sit there reading word for word of a sheet of paper because then I end up avoiding eye contact.

I've only been seeing her since February 4th. I had a complete emotional breakdown a few days earlier and wound up in emergency room on Tuesday where I was later referred to my current Therapist. So I'm fairly early in the process yet. I too find myself calling her office number the next day but I usually get her voicemail. Going on a walk outside of her office would be terrific, as I feel much more natural and relaxed when I'm walking with someone. I've asked her about stuff like that and meeting socially but she says our sessions can only take place in her office. But she did let me know that if we were to run into each other in public she would have no problem talking to me if I were comfortable with that. I enthusiastically approved of that idea.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I have the same problem. I had my session yesterday and didn't bring up an issue that I have been thinking about for the last couple of weeks but haven't brought up. Today I sent her an email telling her that I have thought about bring up the topic but haven't been able to because it is a difficult subject and while I was feeling that I should brought it up I thought I would send her an email so she could bring it up.

Her response was: " Thank you for emailing me to let me know where you are at. Yes, a very difficult issue to discuss.. I am pleased that you want to address this and I will work on bringing this up and help you work with me on this.It does take a lot to even bring it up--T

nottrustin, I'm glad that worked out for you. I told her in person that I want to make the most of my session and that I wished there weren't time constraints. Her advice was that instead of coming to sessions with such a long list of things I feel I need to address, that I should instead prioritize them and focus on the one that I feel is most important. That way instead of leaving feeling full or regret for not getting to so many things, I will have at least crossed off the most important and the rest can be tackled next time.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by Neurotic 2 the bone

nottrustin, I'm glad that worked out for you. I told her in person that I want to make the most of my session and that I wished there weren't time constraints. Her advice was that instead of coming to sessions with such a long list of things I feel I need to address, that I should instead prioritize them and focus on the one that I feel is most important. That way instead of leaving feeling full or regret for not getting to so many things, I will have at least crossed off the most important and the rest can be tackled next time.

I like that idea and it sounds like she really wants to work with you. I agree that 1 hour or however long isn't enough time.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I feel that way too, I never want sessions to end, especially since my Therapist is the only Female who I have regular contact with.

RTerroni, I read you loud and clear. It's been a huge change for me, going from being pretty detached and isolated to suddenly sitting across from a beautiful empathetic woman who gives me her undivided attention for an hour. It can be pretty intoxicating. That's something I'd like to tell her, but I'm not sure how appropriate or relevant it would be.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I like that idea and it sounds like she really wants to work with you. I agree that 1 hour or however long isn't enough time.

I've never gotten around to telling her that one hour hasn't been enough for me and that I would love to be able to see her maybe twice a week or just for a few minutes between sessions.

Much to my surprise she did this for me on Friday without me even asking for it. I wrote this earlier but it's worth repeating: I left Thursday's session feeling more depressed than usual. Not because of anything she said, but just that I dreaded going back home to loneliness and silence. I called a crisis line from a payphone but it's not the same as face to face with someone. Much to my surprise my T called me in for an impromptu session the very next day. It was just what I needed and had always wanted. I assumed someone at the crisis line reached out to her and told her to contact me as I was in need of help. But that wasn't it at all. She had no idea about the crisis line call. Turns out she reached out to me all on her own for no reason other than to check in on me. Her intuition told her something was wrong. And she was right. I left Friday's impromptu session feeling better than I've felt in a long time. I'd never told her that I wanted more time or two sessions a week, but somehow she just knew. That impromptu session really restored my faith in the process. And i'm going to let her know that next time.

[nottrustin]

Sounds like she has intuition and can read your body language. Congrats for having somebody who is willing to reach out an take care of your needs.

[Mactastic]

I didn't read through the other responses, I'm sorry, but I wonder if it would help to change how you view the silences? I used to hate them and felt like I needed to fill up silence and talk all the time. Now I enjoy the silences and use them to my benefit. Sometimes we will sit for several minutes and not talk. Sometimes I use this time to "breathe" or gather my thoughts together. I find my sessions are much more productive when I use silence to my advantage.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I feel that way too, I never want sessions to end, especially since my Therapist is the only Female who I have regular contact with.

I understand this as well. My therapist is the only male in my life that I have an "intimate" relationship with. Sometimes it's just pleasant to enjoy time with the opposite sex while feeling safe and respected.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Neurotic 2 the bone

Leah123, thanks for the reply. I always have written down what I'd like to say and at times when I've been unable to speak I have just handed it to her. But a lot of the times I feel what I've written is either stupid or inappropriate and so I don't dare speak it or show it to her. I don't feel safe much of anywhere, but I do feel safe with her. Writing everything down definitely helps, she suggested the same thing herself. Little did she know I was already doing that and came to each session with a folder filled with letters and notes. My problem is actually reading aloud what's I've written or working up the courage to show it to her.

On Thursday when I left our session I was feeling really down. Not because of anything she said, but just that I dreaded going back home to loneliness and silence. I'm not ashamed to say I just cried all the way. I didn't even make it home, I stopped at a payphone (yes they still have those) and called a crisis line because I felt more depressed than usual. I was scaring myself.

The next day (Friday) I got a call from my T asking me if I wanted to come in for an impromptu session. She had a cancellation and said she wanted me to come over because she sensed something was wrong when I left the day before. I assumed someone at the crisis line had gotten a hold of her and told her to reach out to me. But much to my surprise she had no idea about me calling that number. It meant so much to me that she would reach out for no reason other than to check in. When I got there I told her about me calling the crisis line the day before. She said her intuition was right. I'll say. I left Friday's impromptu session feeling better than I've felt in a long time. It's good to know that I'm not just some assignment to her. She actually thought about me when I had left the day before and checked in the next day. One of the reasons I felt so unfullfilled after all our other sessions was that once a week just wasn't enough for me, I wanted more. I never told her this, but it's as if she knew somehow. Never underestimate a woman's intuition.

Wow, that is wonderful. Those are some of the most touching moments, that really prove we're not "just a job" and make it seem possible to do the hard work of therapy, because we can tell the therapist really wants us to feel better. I'm so glad she reached out to you.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

I wonder if it would help to change how you view the silences? I used to hate them and felt like I needed to fill up silence and talk all the time. Now I enjoy the silences and use them to my benefit. Sometimes we will sit for several minutes and not talk. Sometimes I use this time to "breathe" or gather my thoughts together. I find my sessions are much more productive when I use silence to my advantage.

I worry whenever I'm silent that I'm not making the most of my session. But I am trying to view it in a different light. When I told her about it, she said that she didn't that I was freezing up or choking, but that I was just thinking and that that's not a bad thing. Funny enough she told me that she herself often worried about the silences when she first started because she thought patients would think that she didn't know what she was doing.

While I think we'd all rather fill those silences with something we really want to get off our chest, sometimes the timing just isn't right or it's harder to say out loud than it is in your head or on paper.

Often when I get home and I'm crossing things off my checklist of issues that I wanted to talk to her about, I'm surprised by how many of them end up getting crossed of. Which makes me think that the silences don't take up as much time as I think they do as they're happening.

[Neurotic 2 the bone]

Originally Posted by Leah123

Wow, that is wonderful. Those are some of the most touching moments, that really prove we're not "just a job" and make it seem possible to do the hard work of therapy, because we can tell the therapist really wants us to feel better. I'm so glad she reached out to you.

It made my day. Like you said, it's good to know that you're not "just a job" or as I often thought of myself "an assignment". Before Friday I was beginning to think that maybe I shouldn't interpret my appointments with her as being all that much different from a typical dentist appointment. I show up, we talk, I leave when the hour is up, and we see each other next week. Even though I haven't been seeing her long, it was already starting to feel like I was just an assignment. But Friday changed that. All day Thursday I was wishing I could redo our entire session from that day as I was too depressed to really make the most of it. Then on Friday I got my wish. Not only did she call, but unbeknownst to me she had actually called several times all morning while I was out before finally getting a hold of me in the afternoon. So she didn't just reach out once, she kept at it until she got a hold of me. That turned my whole perspective around.