[cat_scratch]

Hello,

I was seeing the same t for 9 years. I recently moved and we had worked out arrangements to continue therapy via the phone, which worked fine by me. I was always more natural and willing to share when I didn't feel like I was being observed.

However, last week, out of the blue, I got a call from her terminating the relationship. She was not licensed to practice in my new state. I was a little bit shocked, but completely understood. She really seemed to want me to be mad about it. My response was that if it's rules and regulations, what good is getting mad going to do? So we had a final session, compared where I was to where I am now, and determined that it is probably in my best interest to continue therapy. She had already found a couple of new potential replacements for me. Not sure how she found them, Google maybe? I thought about it for a few days and decided this morning which one to go with after researching their backgrounds.

I was fine all last week and this weekend, but now that I've booked a new appointment, I am feeling awful. Like it just sunk in that my relationship has ended. I know this isn't the same thing, but it's feeling like a bad breakup. Heck, after 9 years, it feels like a divorce!

It didn't help that the new t I spoke with on the phone didn't exactly exude warmth, or interest in my background. Just a "download and fill out this paperwork before our session".

I don't think I want to go through with this. I feel guilty, I feel regret, and I feel so much more anxiety right now than I did before I booked the appointment.

Hello cat - scratch,
That's a horrible situation to be in after 9 years what a shock! Do you feel you had enough closure to just move on to another t? Nine years is such a long time to have a bond with a therapist that it will be hard seeing new ones but I would trust your gut instinct on this and if the t you rang wasn't warm or helpful, chances are she won't be when you go see her either. This is a really good sign of a suitable t, how they are in the phone. They are speaking to a potential employer and a client so realistically hey should be on their best behaviour, as this one was not I wouldn't even go see her and would ring the next on the list. Or even do a search for one you want to see!

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[elliemay]

I went through a very very similar thing. It's brutal. I'm sorry you have to go through it too.

Losing that contact with my long term therapist was incredibly hard for me, but you are right. Life is life. Rules are rules. It had to end. I moved away.

I did find another therapist, and then spent months complaining how he wasn't my previous therapist ( not to him, but certainly here)

However, he was warm and welcoming over the phone and his practice is like that too.

I do think you can tell a lot about the way a therapist is by the way he/she presents themselves on the phone.

If it's all business, then that's likely how you'll be treated - not necessarily by the therapist per se, but by the practice.

I really like my therapist now. He's a good person and it's a good fit.

There will never be another one like my previous therapist, and I'm not the same person because I knew him.

[cat_scratch]

Thanks for the kind words.

I'm going to go through with the first appointment with the new t. If it is awful, I've only lost an hour of my life.

It's hard to say if I have closure from the first T relationship. It happened so quickly. I'm the type of person who rolls with the punches when they happen, but then start to form an opinion and then dive into anxiety long after there is anything I can do about it. One of the many reasons I'm in therapy.

Moving is so stressful. This was just an unintended consequence.

[cat_scratch]

Thanks everyone for the kind words.

I think I'm just going to go through with the first appointment, see if my gut was right. If it was, I've only wasted an hour of my life. Maybe I'll be wrong and be able to form a connection.

I'm not sure if I got closure from the previous relationship. It did happen so quick - she called me 24 hours before our appointment to give me a heads up, so I only had a day to process before we had our last session. I'm the type of person who goes with the flow and rolls with the punches. Then, as time moves on, I begin to regret not having an opinion or an emotion about something that happened. In some cases, it will manifest itself into anxiety and a full blown panic attack (one of the reasons I'm in therapy to begin with). So right now, I feel like there is nothing left unsaid with my old T. But who knows how I will feel tomorrow?

[elliemay]

It's grief, or at least it was for me. Grief.

It comes and goes and people feel what they feel when they feel it.

I know I experienced a wide range of emotion and non-emotion. It's normal I think.

If your therapist is any good, they can help you with this. If nothing else, they can just sit and listen.

Moving is traumatic. Leaving behind someone you cherish makes it even moreso.

I hear ya.

[Beatzen]

This must be so tough. It's like you have to suddenly realize the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship again and the rules. For what it's worth, I bet your therapist cares for you and wants the best

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