[sweepy62]

I posted several weeks ago about, womans exam on april 8th , well my h had an appt today with th gp, so I wrote her a ltter, stating that for now I could not go through with it, due to working on something with my t, on my past.

The gp just hung up, she told me she read between the lines, and on april 8th we will sit down and talk (not csa) but how we can make this possible with the help of my t.

So thats a good idea right?

Second big problem:

I dont know if the benefits of slowly processing trauma (csa) because my t is very gentle with it, at the same time pushes what needs to get out. Its a good thing, I must release this guilt shame and anger.

It seems the nightmares, napmares and mini flasbacks , and more new memories have been on the increase.

I have been having them even with old t, but now its more, woke up in panic from a nap before from a nightmare, I couldnt breath. I know all the grounding skills, its the fact of going to sleep, its like , what the hell kind of mare is it this time or is it the same one.

.Afterwards I feel irritable, tired.
Here is my question, should I stop while im ahead (therapy)?
Will this all stop if I stop therapy?

I appreciate your honesty and straight fowardness as always.

[HazelGirl]

Therapy can make these flashbacks and nightmares worse. Are you telling your T that they're getting worse? You may be going too quickly. Or maybe this is just what you need to go through for healing.

The one thing I will say is don't quit, because it will eventually get worse even without therapy. And then you won't have anyone to help you through it.

It feels terrible right now, but there is another side. Once you get through it, things will improve. I am sorry you are suffering so much.

[sweepy62]

Thanks hazelgirl, I have not told her the intensity of it, I see her on wed, I will tell her, also I will tell her that since after April 2nd I wont see her till april 17TH due to she will be out of state for psychology conferences., I dont want to talk about csa. To tell you the truth I never want to talk again. The symptoms are not good, my pdoc noticed today I was getting depressed.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Thanks hazelgirl, I have not told her the intensity of it, I see her on wed, I will tell her, also I will tell her that since after April 2nd I wont see her till april 17TH due to she will be out of state for psychology conferences., I dont want to talk about csa. To tell you the truth I never want to talk again. The symptoms are not good, my pdoc noticed today I was getting depressed.

I can understand that. She may not be aware it's hurting you this badly, and she can't help you if you don't tell her. *Hugs* I hope things improve.

[unaluna]

I used to have nightmares of screaming arguments with my mother. This was in the past ten years or so of working with my last two main ts. The more i worked on the relationship and myself, those dreams evrntually stopped. I would guess that, once youve started, you kinda have to continue. You cant go back to not knowing. Unless you stay drunk or something, idk. Many of my recurring nightmares have stopped; some remain - the work related ones. I dont know how i will get over those. They are competence related - i guess i will have to start feeling competent.

[ThisWayOut]

I've found talking sometimes makes things worse, but only if I'm holding back stuff that needs to come out. I started writing stuff in a blog to my t between sessions as well as doing graphic and symbolic art about it. I would suggest talking to your t about what is coming up (at least in terms of increased symptoms). Before my t went away for 2.5 weeks over the holidays, some stuff came up. I ended up telling her, and I was able to get through the break because I had let someone else hear it. I saw her once more before vacation, and I was able to talk about my plans for her absence. It took a while to get back into talking about things, but it's slowly coming up again. I'm really good at walls though, and will pile them up fast if I needed to protect myself.
I'm sorry things are so tough right now. I hope you can find some relief through the time off and sooner even. I wouldn't outright quit though, as it's likely to get worse more before it gets better and it would be good to have support through it. Is there anything that helps you ground from the nightmares/napmares/whatevermares? Does support from your husband help in times like that? Stuffed toy, live animal, trusted friend, tv, books, anything like that?

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Thanks hazelgirl, I have not told her the intensity of it, I see her on wed, I will tell her, also I will tell her that since after April 2nd I wont see her till april 17TH due to she will be out of state for psychology conferences., I dont want to talk about csa. To tell you the truth I never want to talk again. The symptoms are not good, my pdoc noticed today I was getting depressed.

My symptoms blow up when I do trauma work, took me a long time to get on the learning curve to manage them a bit. When I took a long pause from csa processing after dealing with my life as an abuse survivor in my teens, the symptoms decreased then disappeared. So, my honest answer is when I stopped the work, yes, it stops the agitation and symptoms faded and resolved. I went on to have a wonderful marriage and a good life.

However... there came a time for me when I faced new challenges in my life, when I became a mother, and needed to revisit my past, make more connections, and I believe that suffering some now while doing more of this work will lead to an even higher quality of life, just like the first stage of incredibly intense, heartbreaking work I did when I was younger, enabled me to have many many years of relative peace and success in my relationship.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by MdngtRain

I've found talking sometimes makes things worse, but only if I'm holding back stuff that needs to come out. I started writing stuff in a blog to my t between sessions as well as doing graphic and symbolic art about it. I would suggest talking to your t about what is coming up (at least in terms of increased symptoms). Before my t went away for 2.5 weeks over the holidays, some stuff came up. I ended up telling her, and I was able to get through the break because I had let someone else hear it. I saw her once more before vacation, and I was able to talk about my plans for her absence. It took a while to get back into talking about things, but it's slowly coming up again. I'm really good at walls though, and will pile them up fast if I needed to protect myself.
I'm sorry things are so tough right now. I hope you can find some relief through the time off and sooner even. I wouldn't outright quit though, as it's likely to get worse more before it gets better and it would be good to have support through it. Is there anything that helps you ground from the nightmares/napmares/whatevermares? Does support from your husband help in times like that? Stuffed toy, live animal, trusted friend, tv, books, anything like that?

thanks, I have plenty of stuffed animals, I read, and draw. My h is very non supportive, nobody knows of my past except for pdoc,therapist, and now I have hinted something to gp because of exam coming up. I heard something about lucid dreaming, where you can control dreams, I must check that on you tube

[Auntie2014]

The increase in the numbers and intensity of your dreams can also be your mind telling you that it is time to deal with it. You are working at the csa so yes you will have stronger feelings for awhile but stick with it and I think you will find that when and if you have dreams later you will find they are less intense or about other things.

As far as you GP appointment... I am glad that she saw through your note and between GP, T and your pocket riders you will get through this too. You are growing so much stronger Sweepy just keep telling yourself that now things are different and try not to anticipate problems.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Thanks for your post Sweepy, as it captured what I'm going through too and I appreciate all the good advice.