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#1
Mar 27, 2014, 07:56 PM
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And yes, I know it's been less than 48 hours.
She told me I could send her an email if I had more to say to her, but she wouldn't respond to it because our relationship is effectively over. I have the very strong urge to write her a letter on my pretty linen paper and tie it up with a pretty satin ribbon (because this is what I do for people I care about and want to say thank you to), but I can't figure out why I have this desire or whether doing such a thing would be a) welcome or b) good for me, or whether it would just make me crazy knowing that I sent her this really vulnerable thing and she didn't respond. Part of me thinks that doing something like that would make me feel good about myself, and part of me thinks it has nothing to do with that and more to do with me wanting her to like me and look back at our sessions fondly (I know I can't control that! and it's irrelevant anyway), or maybe just wanting to do something that would make her smile to end it on a nice note...or maybe just that I have piles of linen paper and satin ribbon and don't know what to do with them.  I sent a letter to former ED T a couple months ago, just to thank her and tell her how well I'm doing, and she was really, really happy to hear from me and emailed me in response and her email was so lovely and it made me so happy to know I'd made her happy. She said, "Happy New Year! Wow! What a wonderful letter. I felt so happy on so many levels after reading (and re-reading and re-reading) your letter. I am proud of you for challenging yourself and pretty much independently changing your attitudes and relationship with food and your body. I hope that you are continuing to challenge yourself to new foods and continuing building trust with food. Also, I am so grateful that you took the time, thought and effort to write such a wonderful letter (couldn't believe that it was handwriten - you have beautiful handwriting, and the ribbon did not go unnoticed!). Rare letters like yours makes my work feel so meaningful and knowing that I helped you even though I didn't feel like we fully completed our work together, is a great comfort. It was a pleasure working with you. If you should need my help in the future, always feel free to call or email. All the best for 2014!" I think when I really miss someone, especially when I care about them, I want to do something nice for them. But I don't think old T would actually care about a letter - I don't think it would make her particularly happy because I don't think I mean all that much to her, despite what she said to me yesterday...it's just confusing. I feel like it might annoy her. I feel stupid. |
 Bill3, Irrelevant221, RTerroni
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#2
Mar 27, 2014, 08:03 PM
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Firstly i think her not replying would drive you craaaaaazy!! It would me. But sh'e told you she won't, so if you do send the letter you have to be really sure of your reasons.
Why not write the letter but take it to your new T to process all your feelings with? And once you've done that over the next few weeks then you can decide from a better place. On the plus side, what a lovely reply from your old ED T. She clearly is fond of you.
__________________
INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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#3
Mar 27, 2014, 08:05 PM
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Quote:
And yes, old ED was very fond of me. You understand the maternal transference now?  She was lovely. I loved making her happy. I love making everyone happy. I think I want to make my old T just as happy as I made her, but I doubt there is anything I could do to accomplish that, and part of me is wondering why I even care.
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#4
Mar 27, 2014, 08:10 PM
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I've always understood the maternal transference... you're speaking to the Queen of it lol
And yes i suspect the letter sending is to try and be special to her. But that is something to work out with your new therapist... why being special is so important, what it means to you. And you are feeling so vulnerable just now and that's not the best time to be writing to a T who has always withheld what you need from her.
__________________
INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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#5
Mar 27, 2014, 08:14 PM
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 Sunflower Queen
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#6
Mar 27, 2014, 08:18 PM
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My top pet hate is missing someone. I can't stand that feeling because there's nothing you can do about it but wait it out.
I'm sorry you're going thru this. It might help to write what you'd like to say, without sending it. Might help process it?
__________________
INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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#7
Mar 27, 2014, 08:19 PM
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Quote:
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#8
Mar 27, 2014, 08:20 PM
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Process this with new T. I think it's important.
__________________
INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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#9
Mar 27, 2014, 08:24 PM
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Quote:
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#10
Mar 27, 2014, 08:26 PM
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 Good. I like people who do what they're told.
__________________
INFP Introvert(67%) iNtuitive(50%) iNtuitive Feeling(75%) Perceiving(44)% |
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#11
Mar 27, 2014, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
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| Asiablue
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#12
Mar 27, 2014, 08:35 PM
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I agree with Asiablue. This has very little to do with your actual relationship, and more to do with what you wish the relationship could have been. *Hugs* I hope you can work this out with the help of new T.
__________________
HazelGirl PTSD, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety Propranolol 10mg as needed for anxiety, Wellbutrin XL 150mg |
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#13
Mar 27, 2014, 08:54 PM
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#14
Mar 27, 2014, 09:19 PM
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I know how at can feel I still miss the Therapist who I saw four years, and it has been over a year since Therapy ended.
__________________
COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022 |
| Sunflower Queen
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#15
Mar 28, 2014, 08:27 PM
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I miss my T too soooooo bad
__________________
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