[Lauliza]

This was just brought up in another thread, a T's realistic but somewhat insensitive or avoidant response regarding transference. Through my courses in grad school, as well as from what I've read here one thing is becoming obvious: that T's and Pdoc's really don't get transference at all.

I mean, they get it in terms of what it means. But I really think that unless they've been through it themselves, they have no concept of the depth of emotions behind the attachment that clients feel toward them. In most intense therapy relationships there seems to be serious attachment going on (myself included). I feel like the word "transference" is used partly as a way for clinicians to distance themselves from the real feelings involved in it. I've heard about some T's that are VERY sensitive to it, but I get the feeling that most aren't. I can tell you that they are not trained much in it at all.

Does anyone agree or disagree, or have thoughts on that?

This is one reason why I would not want to see a T who had not gone through therapy themselves. Even though not all therapy relationships involve transferential feelings, at least they know what it is like to sit in the client's chair. I have discussed this with my T - not about transference specifically, I have no idea whether he has experienced that with his therapist(s) - but about the importance of a T having had therapy, in order to really understand the experience of being a therapy patient.

I think I'm pretty lucky in that my T is very receptive and understanding of my transferential feelings. He first asked me about them (very respectfully and without prodding) months and months before I finally admitted to myself and to him that yes, I do see him as a father figure.

[Petra5ed]

I don't have a ton of experience here, but I think unless a T experienced my life the odds they don't know what I'm feeling are really good.

[Mactastic]

My T did therapy for 2 years. I have no idea if he experienced transference but he has told me he idealized his therapist. I agree with Mast, I couldn't do this if my own T didn't have a sense of what it's like.

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[AmysJourney]

The question is, what do we want them to do? What does it mean to have more empathy for the pains and hurts of transference? And if some T's had more empathy for that, what would that mean to us?

[Lauliza]

My professor's comment a few weeks ago made me think of this, when he told us of a patient who has been with him for 4 years. He doesn't think many people need to be in therapy for that long, that many of her issues she is able to handle herself or with the help of people in her life. He brought this up to her and she told him she "can't imagine life without him in it". My professor just said to us, kind of an "Uh-Oh" response and said they needed to talk about that. And I thought of myself who has thought the same thing about my own Pdoc (but interestingly, not my female T). I imagine this would bring about the same response in my doctor if I ever said those words to him.

Some T's are so warm by nature, they can be the type of personality that makes everyone feel like their best friend. This is a good thing, but for people who've never had much warmth or positive feedback offered to them it can be hard. And I don't know if this is something that many T's anticipate. I know they can't possibly know what their patient's are feeling, nor are they responsible for our reactions to them. It just seems like some are less in tune with this than others, and for some patients I can see how painful that can be. Especially if you're a person who has difficulty attaching to people in general. People who form normal attachments can become close on a certain level and let go. I guess it's just a level of understanding. My professor is a pretty accomplished PhD, a director at a hospital and a warm guy. As I sat there listening, I could identify with her right away - he had become a permanent fixture, her go to guy for support. But he didn't seem to get that at all, or maybe saw that this is not what the role of a therapist is. I suppose this is a good argument for the importance of boundaries in therapy.

Originally Posted by Amelia112

The question is, what do we want them to do? What does it mean to have more empathy for the pains and hurts of transference? And if some T's had more empathy for that, what would that mean to us?

I was actually just pondering this, myself... on the one hand, as Petra5ed said, nobody can know exactly what another person feels, so does it actually matter whether a therapist has experienced their own transference or not? It can't be exactly the same as ours anyway. But on the other hand, it is easier to be empathetic about things we have experienced, and for those who look for empathy in their T, that can be an important factor.

Maybe just the fact that a T knows from their own experience how strong transferential feelings can be can make it easier for them to treat clients who have forms of transferential feelings with more respect for those feelings? I'm not saying it is a prerequisite for being a good T, because I don't know that, but for me, it is something I want in a T, the experience of being in my position, even though his life, and probably his therapy also, has been totally different from mine.

I dunno, I'm just thinking out loud here. It's a good question.

[HazelGirl]

My T was in therapy for many years. I think that made her a much better T and helps her understand where I am coming from. I sometimes minimize my own feelings, but she can see between the lines really well and knows what I am really saying when I say something. It's a little freaky, but it also means there's very little that I hide from her. I have a lot of fearful and negative transference with her, despite the fact that she's extremely kind and giving. And she has said many times that she understands exactly what I am saying when I say certain things about it because she has been there also. So I agree with Mastodon that a T who has been through therapy is much better at their job than one who hasn't.

[Perna]

I think some things are harder for some people easier for others, etc. I just wanted any transference worked through and I did not know how to do that but my T did. How I felt about my T at any given time was not transference per se; someone is "good" to us and treats us well, what's not to love But if I respond to my T over and over in static "Perna" ways because my stepmother trained/brought me up a certain way and that learning now appears to my T to be getting my way of relating to her/others, then I want to see how my standard behavior/responses to others is getting in my way. How "strongly" I feel, how much I love/care/reject, etc. my T and how that hurts me, that's feelings I have to learn to work with and a different problem to me.

[Freewilled]

I think all Ts should go to therapy. I have a lot of angry feelings when I think about how some Ts can be about transference but I think a big part of the problem is the convoluted system. You have Ts who are LMSWs, PSYDs, LPCs, PHDs etc etc and they all have a different focus to their training. And training does not always mean in depth understanding which many people who are vulnerable when they knock on a Ts door very much need. The haughty, arrogant nature of some Ts just amazes me. No, not all of course. But quite a few and it's sad.

I don't know ow or why any t would want to be a t without being in therapy themselves. How can they possibly understand what its like, reading and experiencing or entirely different things.
I would not see a therapist who hasn't been in therapy themselves. Here in Ireland it is mandatory and you cannot practise without doing a minimum of 50 hours.
reading about transference is not the same as experiencing how gut wrenchinglly hard it is to experience it.

Of course, not everyone actually experiences transference issues, including perhaps some T's that go through therapy themselves.

I have read and heard that everyone in therapy will experience some form of transference with their therapist. I would be inclined to believe that.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Of course, not everyone actually experiences transference issues, including perhaps some T's that go through therapy themselves.

This is true, but given the caseload most practitioners have, I imagine all of them have experienced transference with a client at some point...

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I have read and heard that everyone in therapy will experience some form of transference with their therapist. I would be inclined to believe that.

I haven't as far as I can tell. My husband definitely has. Same T; different individuals.

As far as I know any legit therapist is in ongoing therapy ("debriefing") while they are working with clients.

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I haven't as far as I can tell. My husband definitely has. Same T; different individuals.

There you go there is always some exception to the rule!
It is amazing actually, I wonder if they have done any studies on this. Studied every patient with one t to see their different reactions and if the experience transference and if so why some and not others. I wonder does it go back to our childhoods like Freud thinks?

[RFS711]

i'm really scared about this. i am very biased and think my Therapist is perfect in every way so i don't know if She has handled this right. It is an awkward topic so i would understand if She had trouble. i'm just scared, thinking too much, hoping i haven't been wrong about Her the whole time. i wish i could turn my brain off....