[BlackFeather]

Monday, I had an appointment with the intern I'm seeing at the counseling center at my school. At first, I was really scared to go that day and we talked about whether or not I wanted to still come. She said that I have come now for about 20 sessions and she felt like I made a lot of progress and have done a lot of work there, but I don't feel like I have at all. She says that she wished that I was able to feel good about myself and that it wasn't so hard for me to admit that coming to therapy has been good or me and that I've been getting something out of it. She says that I think I know that I have been getting a little bit out of it because if I wasn't why was I still coming there every week? I kind of feel like though even if I was, she's supposed to leave at the end of this semester. So we only have a few more weeks together and then it's over. I'm actually really scared what will happen when it's over and I don't think she's really understanding that. I think she thinks I have a problem with relationships and I blame myself when they end and she wants me to see that sometimes relationships just end because they have to.

Anyway, we also talked a little bit about some really personal things that happened to me when I was in middle school, like the way I was feeling then. It did kind of upset me because I have never told anyone about that part of my life because I was always afraid of what people would think of me. I was really sad sometimes, but I didn't know if it was normal or not so I just kept it all to myself because I didn't want people to judge me. I thought it would be really hard to talk about and it was, but when I left there I think I did feel a little bit of relief that I finally could talk about my experiences with someone because always feeling sad and never being able to talk about it is really, really hard. So I felt okay when I left and I went home and was there for a while. I was fine so I tried doing some homework, but then I had to stop because I started feeling really sad and started to cry. Then I just laid in my bed and cried and did nothing until I fell asleep. Tuesday, I felt the same thing. I felt really bad and laid in bed and cried the whole morning. This has never happened to me after therapy.

Has anyone else felt like this? Is this something that is normal?

[unaluna]

Yeah, normal. Its like youve been holding those feelings in all this time - a really long time. It is really good that you were able to cry. For some of us, the tears get buried so deep for so long, they are really hard to find. Your story gives one hope.

[LaborIntensive]

It can be the best therapy. It's like the steam vent on a pressure cooker.

[HazelGirl]

Is there a way for you to get a more permanent therapist after your current one leaves? It sounds like you could benefit from it.