[RFS711]

i didn't have time to print all the stuff i wrote down for my Therapist to read so i had to try to remember whatever i could think about, and then i only could talk about what i was comfortable with because i didn't have the option of just giving Her the papers to read. i ended up mostly focusing on the stuff i wrote down that i was angry about which was mostly about how i hate prejudice, violence, certain aspects of sports, all politics, big business, and stuff and at one point She asked me if me focusing on all these escapes was because i was avoiding talking about something. Or She said are we trying to avoid talking about something. Or something like that. i didn't understand what She meant by that. i don’t think i was trying to avoid anything but now i’m stressed out trying to think of what it could be, or what She meant. It hurts too because i always have thought i shared everything with Her and would never hide anything and She has never said anything before that has bothered me so this is a particularly huge blow. i really don’t think i’ll ever get better, there is just no way. i asked her what She meant, or what She thought it could be and She said She didn't know. She said sorry that saying it bothered me. i will probably talk to Her a lot about it next week. Maybe She reads this forum or something, i told Her last week that i post on psych central. Even the stuff i post here though, i tell Her just about everything and if i missed something it was probably unintentional. i’m just hurt and i hate that i have to wait a whole week.

[Leah123]

It sounds to me like she just wondered if there was something specific and personal beneath your conversation about broad, impersonal topics. Sounds like you were generalizing and she was trying to figure out what your personal stake was in the topic or if that topic was a smokescreen for something else that upset you. That would be my concern based on what you describe. I'm sure she was just trying to connect with you, based on what you've written here. I'm so sorry you left frustrated, feeling mis-attuned and having to wait a week.

Any chance you can email her, or write a letter and just channel all your feelings into it to help you let go of the upset for a while? I also use DBT techniques of pleasurable distractions when I feel SO upset post-session, for me, things like hot chocolate, my favorite music, going out for a while, etc., can really help, or reaching out to others who need help to get some perspective on life again.

[Auntie2014]

You mentioned 4 very different topics that are all general statements. Instead of trying to make global statements I think T was trying to get you to focus on how any one of those or something else is related to why you are doing therapy. I hate Tomatoes but it has nothing to do with why I do therapy. I can be angry when I order something without tomatoes and vent about how people do not listen to me but that is a reason that I am doing therapy.

[HazelGirl]

It does sound like you were avoiding talking about things that impact your life. You mentioned that there were some things you couldn't bring up. It's very probable that she felt that tension inside you and was hoping you would bring that up.

[RFS711]

Originally Posted by Leah123

It sounds to me like she just wondered if there was something specific and personal beneath your conversation about broad, impersonal topics. Sounds like you were generalizing and she was trying to figure out what your personal stake was in the topic or if that topic was a smokescreen for something else that upset you. That would be my concern based on what you describe. I'm sure she was just trying to connect with you, based on what you've written here. I'm so sorry you left frustrated, feeling mis-attuned and having to wait a week.

Any chance you can email her, or write a letter and just channel all your feelings into it to help you let go of the upset for a while? I also use DBT techniques of pleasurable distractions when I feel SO upset post-session, for me, things like hot chocolate, my favorite music, going out for a while, etc., can really help, or reaching out to others who need help to get some perspective on life again.

i could try emailing Her, i just don't want to bother Her. If i did email Her it would be on Monday at the earliest. i'll also definitely write stuff down to talk to Her about. At least basketball is on tonight so i can use that as a distraction, other than that i'll probably sleep.

[RFS711]

Originally Posted by Auntie2014

You mentioned 4 very different topics that are all general statements. Instead of trying to make global statements I think T was trying to get you to focus on how any one of those or something else is related to why you are doing therapy. I hate Tomatoes but it has nothing to do with why I do therapy. I can be angry when I order something without tomatoes and vent about how people do not listen to me but that is a reason that I am doing therapy.

i guess one of the reasons i am in therapy is because sad things make me mad and mad things make me sad. Also i take things so personal, even things that don't effect me or anyone i know.

[RFS711]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It does sound like you were avoiding talking about things that impact your life. You mentioned that there were some things you couldn't bring up. It's very probable that she felt that tension inside you and was hoping you would bring that up.

i really wish i was able to print all my stuff. i feel like all this wouldn't have happened. Maybe it still would have, i don't know. Maybe i was avoiding topics, if i had all the stuff that i'd written down it would have forced me to talk about everything. i just wish i was able to bring the stuff in. The reason i bring stuff in is so i don't forget stuff and so it forces me to share stuff.

[RFS711]

i probably bored the crap out of Her the whole time ranting and rambling about negative stuff. She hates me i know it.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by RFS711

i didn't have time to print all the stuff i wrote down for my Therapist to read so i had to try to remember whatever i could think about, and then i only could talk about what i was comfortable with because i didn't have the option of just giving Her the papers to read. i ended up mostly focusing on the stuff i wrote down that i was angry about which was mostly about how i hate prejudice, violence, certain aspects of sports, all politics, big business, and stuff and at one point She asked me if me focusing on all these escapes was because i was avoiding talking about something. Or She said are we trying to avoid talking about something. Or something like that. i didn't understand what She meant by that. i don’t think i was trying to avoid anything but now i’m stressed out trying to think of what it could be, or what She meant. It hurts too because i always have thought i shared everything with Her and would never hide anything and She has never said anything before that has bothered me so this is a particularly huge blow. i really don’t think i’ll ever get better, there is just no way. i asked her what She meant, or what She thought it could be and She said She didn't know. She said sorry that saying it bothered me. i will probably talk to Her a lot about it next week. Maybe She reads this forum or something, i told Her last week that i post on psych central. Even the stuff i post here though, i tell Her just about everything and if i missed something it was probably unintentional. i’m just hurt and i hate that i have to wait a whole week.

therapy is about working on your problem areas...example I have problems with sleep. so my therapist and I talk about my sleep related problems...insomnia, stress that may be causing me to not be able to sleep, my medications, ...stuff that has lead up to my not being able to sleep.

another problem my therapist and I work on is my depression (my medications, my feeling like I dont want to go to work, get out of bed, normal activities not interesting me...all those signs that I am entering depression)

now what if I walk in one day and instead of working on my problems I tell my therapist I dont like politics, dont like this type or person...

my therapist is going to question why I am not working on my problem area's of depression or sleep problems.

she may be thinking things like....

what does politics, prejudice....have to do with amandalouise's depression, sleep problems...nothing so why is amandalouise focusing on politics or prejudice rather than her depression and sleep problems...is there something going on here, is she suicidal, is she harming herself, is she not sleeping, is she having nightmares all those things that she may be avoiding by getting a conversation going about politics rather than her problems.

thats what my therapist would mean if she thought and asked what I was avoiding....

only your own therapist can say what she means by asking you what you are avoiding and why she asked.

my suggestion contact your treatment provider and let her know you dont understand the question. they are the only one that can clarify this for you.

[HazelGirl]

I don't think she does. I think she's curious about what you're unable to talk about and wishes you could feel safe enough to bring it up. But she definitely doesn't hate you.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by RFS711

i probably bored the crap out of Her the whole time ranting and rambling about negative stuff. She hates me i know it.

Now this is a huge leap. How did you get from not knowing what she meant to thinking she hates you?

Why did you go there?

ETA: I rant in therapy too. Therapists are usually able to pull out a nugget of insight from a rant. Why do you hate the things you hate?

[RFS711]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I don't think she does. I think she's curious about what you're unable to talk about and wishes you could feel safe enough to bring it up. But she definitely doesn't hate you.

i know i always say this but i hope i haven't hurt Her feelings. i always have felt safe with Her and i hope She knows that.

[RFS711]

Originally Posted by elliemay

Now this is a huge leap. How did you get from not knowing what she meant to thinking she hates you?

Why did you go there?

ETA: I rant in therapy too. Therapists are usually able to pull out a nugget of insight from a rant. Why do you hate the things you hate?

How could She not hate me? i'm not likeable at all, i'm a crazy person and a mean person and an idiot. She just wants to help and i just want to complain and cry and get sad and mad. i don't even try outside of the hour every week. i think i'm one of those "help rejecting complainers" that someone was talking about earlier. i'm scared that i'll never get better and i know it is my fault. My family and Therapist(s) are all great. i create all my problems.

[RFS711]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

therapy is about working on your problem areas...example I have problems with sleep. so my therapist and I talk about my sleep related problems...insomnia, stress that may be causing me to not be able to sleep, my medications, ...stuff that has lead up to my not being able to sleep.

another problem my therapist and I work on is my depression (my medications, my feeling like I dont want to go to work, get out of bed, normal activities not interesting me...all those signs that I am entering depression)

now what if I walk in one day and instead of working on my problems I tell my therapist I dont like politics, dont like this type or person...

my therapist is going to question why I am not working on my problem area's of depression or sleep problems.

she may be thinking things like....

what does politics, prejudice....have to do with amandalouise's depression, sleep problems...nothing so why is amandalouise focusing on politics or prejudice rather than her depression and sleep problems...is there something going on here, is she suicidal, is she harming herself, is she not sleeping, is she having nightmares all those things that she may be avoiding by getting a conversation going about politics rather than her problems.

thats what my therapist would mean if she thought and asked what I was avoiding....

only your own therapist can say what she means by asking you what you are avoiding and why she asked.

my suggestion contact your treatment provider and let her know you dont understand the question. they are the only one that can clarify this for you.

Sorry i completely missed your post. i want to email Her, i have an appointment with my other therapist (the OCD therapist) on Monday. So i could email Her on Tuesday maybe. i just don't want to bother Her. i hope i can wait until Friday, i've wrote so much stuff down to talk about.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by RFS711

and then i only could talk about what i was comfortable with

What you are comfortable with is not why you are in therapy? It is "easy" to hate big business, politics, etc. they have nothing to do with us, personally. Talking about them doesn't do anything for us though, either. Talk a little about something that is uncomfortable for you. Everyone hates big business, politics, etc., there's nothing there to spend money at therapy discussing?

[RFS711]

Originally Posted by Perna

What you are comfortable with is not why you are in therapy? It is "easy" to hate big business, politics, etc. they have nothing to do with us, personally. Talking about them doesn't do anything for us though, either. Talk a little about something that is uncomfortable for you. Everyone hates big business, politics, etc., there's nothing there to spend money at therapy discussing?

Your right, i almost always write stuff down so i don't forget stuff and also so it forces me to talk about everything i want to talk about. This whole mess started when i couldn't print the things i'd written down. i already have lots of stuff for next week.