[Depletion]

So I've been seeing a new T for about 6 weeks now. I like her quite a bit, even though we had a rupture last session. In fact I'm really curious to see how she handles the rupture. But I'm worried that she is intimidated by me. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to say, and might come across as self absorbed, so I want to say that I have been told by friends that I can be a bit intimidating at times (even my finance says that he found me intimidating when he first met me). This is actually not something that I like, and its not something I do intentionally, in fact I think it just happens because I have a really high verbal IQ and can be quite analytic, but I really don't mean to be a jerk. Most of the time I'm just doing me, and don't even realize.

So anyways when I first started with this new T I gave her the first few intro pages to some research that I had been working on because I wanted her to understand how I think about things. The paper was also inspired by my experiences with PTSD and my Learning Disability. And writing it has been one of the most healing things I have done for myself, so I wanted to share it. But now I'm worried that sharing the paper might have made her intimidated. She always seems to be second guessing the things she just said, and says "I don't know a lot of the time." And I just get the impression that she is bit resident in general. I'm not sure if she is confident in her role yet. She's only been licensed for 4 years, and is late her 20's like me. So I get the feeling that she's still coming into her own. Mostly I'm worried that she's having some kind of strange countertransference thing where I seem more like a peer in class with her than one of her clients.

I would really be inclined to just let this dynamic go, but I think its making me a bit uneasy for some reason. But I'm worried about talking her about it. I'm not really sure how you approach the subject "so...do you find me a bit intimidating"...because that just sounds terrible. Is there a way to ask about this???

[LaborIntensive]

WHAT IS YOUR SPECIFIC QUESTION?

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by LaborIntensive

WHAT IS YOUR SPECIFIC QUESTION?

I'm worried that my T is coming across as not very confident because she is getting intimidated my intellect. I'm wondering if I should address this issue with her because it's making me uneasy. And if so, how I should address it.

[brillskep]

You can't know for sure what's going on without her telling you (and many therapists wouldn't). To me, she doesn't sound necessarily intimidated or inexperienced. Some clients like it when their therapist doesn't claim to be all-knowing, some actually feel more comfortable when the therapist admits s/he doesn't know this or that. That might be it.

You might like to let her know that you see her as intimidated and share this experience of others saying you are intimidating. This could lead to meaningful work for you.

I'm a bit more concerned that you feel like you've had a rupture after such a short time though.

[Perna]

I don't think intellect has a whole lot to do with therapy and it could just be she is trying to think of ways to help you around yours so you are not so much in/about your head. Being "intimidated" by another is not saying "gee, this person is smarter than I am" but rather, "this person is difficult to relate to" and is probably more a problem for you, that you are unaware of, than for the person trying to relate to you. It can be lonely at the top.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by brillskep

I'm a bit more concerned that you feel like you've had a rupture after such a short time though.

The rupture is all too expected. My last therapy relationship ended badly, and I haven't always had the best Ts. So I'm a bit sensitive and mistrustful. I'm sure the rupture is at least half my fault. I can be really prickly and difficult for sure. But I'm really not worried about working it out.

[Victoria'smom]

This post screams about how you relate to others. She may be intimidated by your vocabulary but that's her to figure out what she wants to do about it. You are probably using your vocabulary an an unknown defence. A lot of therapist seem unsure at first, its not that they are unsure of themselves but they're trying to gauge how far they can push, what your trigger (either you known or unknown are) and the best approach for you.

You don't trust her yet and you worry its to casual for you. You can tell her this. You essentially have known her for less than a day. You went to her for her professional opinion trust yourself that you made the right decision. Sharing your paper was a wonderful idea especially because it was so healling.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Originally Posted by Depletion

She always seems to be second guessing the things she just said, and says "I don't know a lot of the time." And I just get the impression that she is bit resident in general.

My T (who has 30 years of experience) says "I don't know" quite often and I think it often feels like it is about one of two things:

1) A reflection of the reality that we don't know very much about many things. As I've aged and become a real "expert" about my particularly intellectual area, I realize how much more nuanced many things are. "I don't know" is a an acknowledgement of how little we can know, especially about the future.

2) I am quite articulate verbally and often have the ability to make things sound more certain than they perhaps are. So sometimes I think that she is downplaying "facts" or certainties as a way of helping me be more open-minded.

I suppose what I would say to you is that you are interpreting her statements in a particular way that may or may not fit, or be right. Only way to know is to open the dialog with her and ask, "hey I've noticed you say 'I don't know' quite often. Why?"

On the writing, I resonate with what you've written. Writing about my experiences has been incredibly healing to me. Keep at it, is my advice.