Therapy officially feels out of my control

i officially feel like therapy is totally out of my control. i have two therapists which is already pretty overwhelming and now they have talked to each other. Originally i wanted them to talk to each other because i thought it would be great for my first Therapist to be able to tell my second therapist how things have gone for the past year or two but now i don’t like it because they are working together, they came up with a plan to make me better.

Now my first Therapist doesn’t want me to come in with pages of stuff to talk about, because She is now helping with the depression and not the OCD. But the pages of stuff sometimes has to do with depression too. And my second therapist doesn’t want me to bring in the pages either, she wants me to do these exercises and homework she assigned me.

i have always felt like showing my Therapist these pages of stuff has helped a lot. The guilt goes away and i don’t think about the stuff i wrote so much any more. Plus i want to tell Her everything, it is something that helps a lot.

Is there anything i can do about this? i want to keep both therapists but i still want to show the pages of stuff to my first Therapist. It is really important to me.

i feel bad about even posting this because i feel like i'm talking behond Her back. i should just talk to my Therapist about this on Friday when i see Her. i see an OCD therapist because She recommended it. It feels really good to tell my first Therapist everything and for that to be taken away from me is really hard so i'm going to bring the pages on Friday and see what happens.

Can you explain this to your T's?

(Maybe this is my neurosis talking) but I would trust them. See how it goes for a couple of weeks before you reevaluate. In my opinion working collaboratively is much better than a more disjointed approach.

i think you are making a good choice with telling your first therapist all of this at your next session i hope you can find a way that you can share the things you need to and that helped you again and that it will get less overwhelming balancing things with two Ts

I agree with bringing this up with both of your Therapists. I see where they are coming from and how it may be beneficial for Therapists to work together when working with the same person; but I also don't see how this is fair to you. It really should be more collaborative and you should most definitely have a say in your treatment, based on what makes you feel comfortable. It doesn't seem helpful to take something away that was working for you. I would first ask for their reasoning and then give my input on the situation. Hopefully they will be able to meet you halfway to something they feel is effective and something you feel works for you personally.

i'll try on Friday.

Your right. i'm going to trust them but i need to be able to show my first Therapist the pages every week.

Thanks, i hope so to

i really hope everything will go good tomorrow.

How did it go?

lol yea isnt it funny how therapy works like that...we go to therapy because we cant solve our problems the way we want to, it just doesnt work out doing it on our own the ways we know how to do things, so we go to therapy to get the help in learning new ways to do it, but the moment a therapist changes how we do things the first automatic response is no dont change me dont change how we are doing things, it was working the way we were doing things, I dont even know if I want to change, do a treatment plan and get better, why are they dong this to me how dare they lol been there done that.

my own treatment providers called this reacting from the child point of view rather than the adult or parent point of view....short version everyone has parts of their self....a part of their self where they do what's best for them, like eating right, seeing their treatment providers, getting enough sleep...(thats the parenting side of human beings) then theres the adult side where we make appropriate decisions, pay our bills on time, go to works, and all those other adult stuff humans do (this is the adult side of being human) then theres the reactive act like a child fight against whats best for us, making impulsive decisions ...all those kinds of things you would expect a child not caring about whats best or responsibilities ...(this is the child side of being human) my therapist was talking about the normal everyone has them type of parts of a human being not the disorder DID which is vastly different then this kind of parts.

Anyway the normal everyones got them child like part of me loved to self sabotage my treatments..including what you did...let the treatment providers talk amongst their self and idealistically this is going to happen but lo and behold with their talking together they came up with a treatment plan that would help me get better and I couldnt rely on either one to do something different treatment provider 1 was going to stick with the treatment plan and what treatment provider 2 was doing, and treatment provider 2 was going to stick with the treatment plan and do what treatment provider one was doing...no more triangulating, no more what this one does conflicts with that one, no more infighting between two different treatment providers doing two different things with me. the focus was no longer on things like cant you be like this treatment provider, cant you be like that treatment provider, ..the focus was no longer on how I can control my therapist (which of course we should not be able to control our therapists, we control ourselves they control their self, its not therapy if we control our therapists, we can suggest things and talk about things with our therapists but ultimately because of their ethics, laws and such they are supposed to be helping us to get better)

now the focus was on something out of my control, and out of my comfort zone. a bit part of my life was things like danger, disfunction, depression, anxiety, mania, ...negative stuff that was impacting my life and now heres someone who can actually do their job of not letting me stay stuck in what I was comfortable being in. Change is scary, being normal and healthy is scary when all there was was all the crap I lived in.

but you know what...change was good, I learned to live a more healthy life, I learned I dont need to do things the way I always have, it never worked for me any way, sure I told myself it worked but if it really had been working I wouldnt have sought out therapy and treatment providers,...

my suggestion talk with your treatment providers...every month I have a meeting where all my treatment providers and I get together, we talk about how Im feeling, what I feel is working and what isnt, things we can change, ...in short keeping everyone working on the same page, for my mental and physical well being but yet addressing any conflicts going on in my mind as we work on changing the negative to the postive for me.

my other suggestion is give it time. the first instinct is to fight against getting better, doing things a new way, but it usually needs to be done. dont let yourself fall into self sabotaging your self, like you said they now found a way for you to get better, give healthy a try, you can always quit therapy and go back to being depressed and disfunctional if you want to if changing to a more healthy you doesnt really suit you.

Not good. i just waste so much of Her time. All this stuff is pointless. i am never going to get better and it is my fault. She hates me i know it.

(((RS711)))