[growlithing]

I miss LCM so much. We talked a little over a week ago and it was a bit of a tough love session which was hard. But I can't talk to her again until this Friday. I really miss her. I want to actually see her in person as well but I don't know how that would work out. She almost always helps me feel better. Or makes it a lot worse. I'm just so overwhelmed by this time of year in general.

[HazelGirl]

Can you please get another T to help you out?

[sweepy62]

Hi growly, in my oppinion, sorry if i am being judgemental, or offensive, in advance, but I think you need a t, just to balance your feelings and emotions on your relationship with your lc.

Friday isn't that faraway, I agree with HG about getting another T to help you out.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Can you please get another T to help you out?

You mean school T who is leaving in two weeks and only wants to talk about that? I try to get her to talk about other stuff. She just tries to bring it back to her. I don't want to talk about that.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Hi growly, in my oppinion, sorry if i am being judgemental, or offensive, in advance, but I think you need a t, just to balance your feelings and emotions on your relationship with your lc.

She's trying to help me find another T. A proper T to take the place of school T. No luck yet.

I don't think it's necessarily bad that I feel the way I do about her. LCM is really working as a T for me right now anyway.

[HazelGirl]

No, a good T who can help you with your problems.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

No, a good T who can help you with your problems.

I don't have one yet.

[HazelGirl]

Could you be more proactive about looking for some and making appointments to try them out and see if you can find one who will work for you?

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Could you be more proactive about looking for some and making appointments to try them out and see if you can find one who will work for you?

Not at this time of year. My top priority right now is trying to figure out how to keep me safe over the summer.

[Willowleaf]

Wouldn't finding a t help in this?

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by Willowleaf

Wouldn't finding a t help in this?

Well I have a T (LCM). She's currently trying to help me find another.

It's just very overwhelming to consider adding another T into the mix when I'm currently buried in schoolwork and music and desperately trying to find a job.

[HazelGirl]

What about focusing on it right after school is over. Even though you're still young, it's your responsibility to take care of your mental health. I know it is hard, but ultimately it is you who needs to reach out and get the help you need.

[Mactastic]

Growthing,

Sometimes people need tough love. Here it comes

Are you happy? Managing well? Reaching your goals? Comfortable with who you are?

I think there's really only 2 options here.

1) Continue as-is
2) Be proactive and find a therapist that can help you find happiness, manage well, reach your goals and be happy with who you are. I know you love LCM but she is not a therapist.

As things stand now, no one can help you until you really act to help yourself. You don't have to do this alone. You can start small, really small. Why not spend 5 minutes finding 10 therapists in your ZIP code that you might like. No one says you have to choose one now. Just start by finding 10 and take it to your school T for some feedback?

Respectfully,
Mac

You might find these helpful:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...ance-list.html

http://therapists.psychologytoday.co...rof_search.php

[Middlemarcher]

Will school T and/or your university counseling services give you a referral to a new T? I was referred to my T by my university psych center.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

Growthing,

Sometimes people need tough love. Here it comes

Are you happy? Managing well? Reaching your goals? Comfortable with who you are?

I think there's really only 2 options here.

1) Continue as-is
2) Be proactive and find a therapist that can help you find happiness, manage well, reach your goals and be happy with who you are. I know you love LCM but she is not a therapist.

As things stand now, no one can help you until you really act to help yourself. You don't have to do this alone. You can start small, really small. Why not spend 5 minutes finding 10 therapists in your ZIP code that you might like. No one says you have to choose one now. Just start by finding 10 and take it to your school T for some feedback?

Respectfully,
Mac

You might find these helpful:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...ance-list.html

http://therapists.psychologytoday.co...rof_search.php

Happy- no
Managing well- well I'm not cutting
Reaching goals- no

I don't think I can be happy. And LCM isn't a T... yet. She will be soon and it isn't like she's inexperienced. I love her. She's like the closest thing I'll ever have to a mother that cares for me and I don't ever want to let that go. Ever. I can't just switch her out. I'd be so lost and heartbroken. I don't want to lose "mom" again.

If I got a new T, it would have to be with her, not instead of her. I'm not replacing her.

When I talk to LCM again, we'll come up with a plan I think.

[sweepy62]

Not replacing her her, in addition to your lc a licenced therapist to help you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by growlithing

Happy- no
Managing well- well I'm not cutting
Reaching goals- no

I don't think I can be happy. And LCM isn't a T... yet. She will be soon and it isn't like she's inexperienced. I love her. She's like the closest thing I'll ever have to a mother that cares for me and I don't ever want to let that go. Ever. I can't just switch her out. I'd be so lost and heartbroken. I don't want to lose "mom" again.

If I got a new T, it would have to be with her, not instead of her. I'm not replacing her.

When I talk to LCM again, we'll come up with a plan I think.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you stop seeing your LC. I think they're merely suggesting that you also have a licensed therapist that you see, in an office, at an appointed hour; a more professional and traditional therapist to serve as "T." Your LC can remain your LC.

While I don't think there is anything wrong with your LC giving you referrals to a T, if that doesn't happen this week, I think that is something that you should really do on your own, as the adult that you are. You don't need anyone to do this for you; you can find a T on your own. I didn't know how to find a therapist either; it's not something you are ever "taught" how to do. When I was 18, I just called my insurance company, got a list of names, and then did some googling to see if they had websites, what they're specialties were, etc. I called and made a couple of initial appointments, and then I chose the one I liked the best. The process of finding a new T can seem a little overwhelming, but it's that way for everyone. You just have to do it.

And, if you don't think it's possible for you to be happy and you are not meeting your goals, then don't you think you need some additional help? If not having LC available for a few days has such a powerful effect on you, then don't you think you need to learn some new coping strategies? LC just don't have the expertise to help you in this regard. It's not only that she isn't licensed or experienced yet, but that the relationship you have developed with her isn't a T-client relationship. You can't really get there from where you are now. She's the one who comforts and soothes you, but she isn't the one doing "therapy" with you. She isn't really teaching you skills and encouraging you to be independent. It's more like she's putting out fires and giving you a shoulder. That's a real role; it's just not a "T." She can continue in that role, but it sounds like you just need "more." To echo the "tough love" other posters have given you, it sounds like you need to work towards becoming a little more independent, and finding yourself a T to help you on that journey would be a really great first step. If you took that initiative yourself, LC would probably be proud of you, too. I'm sure she wants to see you take on more of an adult role in your life. It's hard for those of us who never really had parents and were never taught how to do any of these things, but when we become adults, we just have to teach ourselves and ask for help in the right places in order to learn those skills.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you stop seeing your LC. I think they're merely suggesting that you also have a licensed therapist that you see, in an office, at an appointed hour; a more professional and traditional therapist to serve as "T." Your LC can remain your LC.


While I don't think there is anything wrong with your LC giving you referrals to a T, if that doesn't happen this week, I think that is something that you should really do on your own, as the adult that you are. You don't need anyone to do this for you; you can find a T on your own. I didn't know how to find a therapist either; it's not something you are ever "taught" how to do. When I was 18, I just called my insurance company, got a list of names, and then did some googling to see if they had websites, what they're specialties were, etc. I called and made a couple of initial appointments, and then I chose the one I liked the best. The process of finding a new T can seem a little overwhelming, but it's that way for everyone. You just have to do it.


And, if you don't think it's possible for you to be happy and you are not meeting your goals, then don't you think you need some additional help? If not having LC available for a few days has such a powerful effect on you, then don't you think you need to learn some new coping strategies? LC just don't have the expertise to help you in this regard. It's not only that she isn't licensed or experienced yet, but that the relationship you have developed with her isn't a T-client relationship. You can't really get there from where you are now. She's the one who comforts and soothes you, but she isn't the one doing "therapy" with you. She isn't really teaching you skills and encouraging you to be independent. It's more like she's putting out fires and giving you a shoulder. That's a real role; it's just not a "T." She can continue in that role, but it sounds like you just need "more." To echo the "tough love" other posters have given you, it sounds like you need to work towards becoming a little more independent, and finding yourself a T to help you on that journey would be a really great first step. If you took that initiative yourself, LC would probably be proud of you, too. I'm sure she wants to see you take on more of an adult role in your life. It's hard for those of us who never really had parents and were never taught how to do any of these things, but when we become adults, we just have to teach ourselves and ask for help in the right places in order to learn those skills.

Last night, I had a horrible nightmare and texted LCM while half asleep and scared. I wasn't really coherent enough to tell her what was wrong, but she was there and comforted me despite being on vacation and it being like 2am. I know that isn't a T/client relationship at this point. I know you're right. I'm just scared that I won't find a good T, that my instincts are bad, that I'll get a T, trust her, and then she'll just randomly leave again.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by growlithing

Last night, I had a horrible nightmare and texted LCM while half asleep and scared. I wasn't really coherent enough to tell her what was wrong, but she was there and comforted me despite being on vacation and it being like 2am. I know that isn't a T/client relationship at this point. I know you're right. I'm just scared that I won't find a good T, that my instincts are bad, that I'll get a T, trust her, and then she'll just randomly leave again.

I understand this. I really do. But the only way to get past this is to risk it might happen. As painful as it is, even the worst case scenario you can survive. I do understand this fear, though.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I understand this. I really do. But the only way to get past this is to risk it might happen. As painful as it is, even the worst case scenario you can survive. I do understand this fear, though.

Well, the worst case scenario is that I manage to find a therapist/serial killer like some Sweeny Todd type situation and she kills me in session and bakes me into a pie to feed her next clients/victim. (Joke)

I listed my concerns. Not that I won't do it.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by growlithing

Well, the worst case scenario is that I manage to find a therapist/serial killer like some Sweeny Todd type situation and she kills me in session and bakes me into a pie to feed her next clients/victim. (Joke)

I listed my concerns. Not that I won't do it.

Well okay...maybe you can't survive that! But at least you won't have to worry about it that way

[sweepy62]

Growly, not only have I been through one abrupt termination after a year and 4 months, and in the middle of csa work, ok, and I have abandon ment issues, bpd, bipolar, ptsd, gen anxiety, but went through it twice, but I took a leap of faith with t3 and with the help of my pc friends who tell me like it is, and I dont mind, because its constructive advice, im getting through it. The only support networks I have is pc, t, and crisis center.

[growlithing]

Maybe LCM is wanting me to find this new T. She is always trying to get me to lead more in our conversations and therapy work. I tend to want to let her run the show and tell me what to do/handle things. It's probably part of the maternal transference that I do that but not like the idealistic part of it where I see her as the mom I wish I had. My mom (as I've mentioned) was extremely overbearing. Perhaps she is trying to get me to fight that old pattern and set something up on my own. I'm just scared.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by growlithing

Maybe LCM is wanting me to find this new T. She is always trying to get me to lead more in our conversations and therapy work. I tend to want to let her run the show and tell me what to do/handle things. It's probably part of the maternal transference that I do that but not like the idealistic part of it where I see her as the mom I wish I had. My mom (as I've mentioned) was extremely overbearing. Perhaps she is trying to get me to fight that old pattern and set something up on my own. I'm just scared.

This is a very important thing to recognize. You don't act because you were taught not to. Maybe it's time to try out taking ownership of your own life?

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

This is a very important thing to recognize. You don't act because you were taught not to. Maybe it's time to try out taking ownership of your own life?

No, I was taught that I'm a clueless piece of trash. This is a recent example. So in my room in my parent's house, the lightbulb in my closet had been out for basically years. I kept asking my parents to replace the bulb. It never happened. So last summer, something crazy happened. It dawned on me that I was 19 years old and over 6 feet tall and therefore completely capable of changing my own lightbulb. So I did and I brought the old lightbulb upstairs. My mother FLIPPED, saying that I should have waited for my father to come home because I don't know what I'm doing and I could have screwed the lightbulb in wrong an burned down the house or dropped the house and caused a massive mercury explosion. When my dad came home, she wanted him to go into my room and double check that I did it right. Now, I was older when this particular incident happened so I gave them hell about it. She asked me to do the dishes and I told her I can't because I'd break a plate and the glass would get stuck into my brother's foot and I wrote up a lightbulb disaster plan for living in my apartment this year which basically went "if I need to change a lightbulb, I will call the police for assistance". But it wasn't always like that and I wasn't always so easily able to identify when she was talking out of her ***. How could I possibly pick a therapist or any healthcare provider when I can't screw a lightbulb in?

"Taking control of my life" is such a huge step that it is daunting. I'm trying to get a job and take control of myself financially a little more. I wrote up a budget for myself and trying to figure out how to get a credit score when I finally do get a job because I need to have some sort of credit rating before I'm like 22 or something. I'm also scared of calling people on the phone so that is a problem. I guess I had a lesson yesterday where my teacher told me that his 4 year old twins are uncomfortable playing with kids they don't know very well and he is trying to challenge them by taking them to the park and meeting new people because you can't just live life comfortably. He's starting his boys early with that idea I guess. But it's the same thing here. LCM tries not to make phone calls for me. She'll talk to my parents on my behalf because I guess making me challenge my PTSD avoidance is too much and she called exTT because she wants to know what's going on with this, but she'd often make me call people while I was inpatient.