[rainbow8]

I'm going to write mine down so I have a printed record, and to stop them from whirling around in my mind. What are your own unsettled issues, if you'd like to share any?

1. Boundaries: I realize I still have this problem with them, and with feeling left out, and wanting to know more than I have the right to know. I saw it with my family. Daughter and sil have their own lives, and don't include us in all of their conversations, even though we are right there, listening. It really bothered me but I know it's their life; they are adults. It reminded me of still not understanding about driving by T's house. The last discussion we had about it was several months ago, when we talked about mistakes. She said "you're still not understanding that I have feelings about it." I don't think I let her tell me her feelings but I need to hear them. It hurts me that she and I are so close (I know I'm still her job) so what is so wrong with wanting to see where she lives? Addresses are in phone books and streets are public. I KNOW my thinking is skewed about this so I don't need more criticisms. I know I'm wrong. I visualize T telling me that it's her private life and tears are streaming down my face. Yet she touches me, so the hurt is probably going to be less.

2. Her divorce: I need to talk a lot about my feelings about it, and about my marriage. I think it's child and adult parts who still react to it. She shattered my dreams with that one. Goes along with #3.

3. "I'm just a regular person", she once said. I do know that, but parts of me still don't want her to be only that! She's special to me, NOT just a regular person.

4. I'm still so critical of myself and my family. I know it's wrong, but I can't seem to stop it. I have unrealistic expectations.

5. I hate the clutter in my house. Usually this ends up untalked about because it seems trivial to me, but it's not! I feel totally powerless about it. This goes along with discussing my marriage. It never gets resolved!

[sweepy62]

Wow well since I really never got to get any of mine resolved due to the two therapists leaving lol.

I have many to list but here are some

CSa
Abandonment
Boundaries
Relationships
Self esteem
Anger issues
Passive aggressiveness
Ptsd management
Ect

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[growlycat]

Main T--
His aging and the eventual end of our 20 + year therapy relationship
What to do about old trauma issues from here on out?

CBT T-
driving phobia
avoiding people in my life
managing my health better
managing my life better

[Perna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

1. Boundaries: I realize I still have this problem with them, and with feeling left out, and wanting to know more than I have the right to know.

I do not think this is about boundaries. You feel what you feel and you can want to know what you want to know. However, there is a difference between "Gee, I wonder if Perna eats spaghetti on Wednesdays. . ." and pursuing that thought. We have a zillion thoughts and getting fixated on thoughts about other people makes me think that my own life is missing something and that I should identify what that is and try to get it for myself.

I'm not saying that you want spaghetti or to eat spaghetti with me or me to eat spaghetti on Wednesday because that is when you eat it and it would make you feel closer to me if we were both eating it "together" but that it is just so much window shopping. I use to read too many books instead of living, kind of the same thing. I got all involved in the character's lives but those characters aren't in my real world and the situations they are living, though I might have had or am going to have similar situations in mine, the "time" is not right.

We can't be all the places all the time that we think would be interesting. Hearing about sil and daughter's outing or what they discussed on the phone, etc., I bet your T was doing something right then, too, you would have liked to have been part of But you were at the grocery store, or out with hubby, or home taking a nap. Life is not a smorgasbord where we get to look it over and choose what we want; it happens in "real" time and we were not where these other people were when they were there and could not be, there's not enough of us to spread that thin. If we knew all the people we liked and where they were eating lunch this afternoon. . . Think of other people's lives as books you get to read and, sometimes, you even get to jump in the book and be part of their adventure or have them come be part of yours.

[sunrise]

Issues yet to work on:
-the problem of clutter in my house and general house repairs--I can't seem to make progress on any of this
-my weight and health
-the low degree of connectedness in my life--I would like more and deeper friendships, family relationships, etc.
-better life balance, work balanced with leisure, etc. -- turning my life into what I want it to be

I go to therapy only infrequently, so I am trying to work on these things on my own, with limited success. I actually can't see how T can help with some of these things anyway.

[Lauliza]

This is a great thread! It helps to have things written down...

My unresolved Bulimia (since I was about 19. I'm 44 now). It was ok until my husband left me 6 years ago. I just brought this up for the first time in this context since I started with my pdoc and t for 5 years ago.

Wanting to be a better parent to my 3 kids, especially my daughter with Asperger's syndrome. It takes so much patience and I feel like I need to do much more for her.

Being a more affectionate wife. Now that my H is back I feel like he is trying and I'm not as much as I should.

My severe anxiety in general and in social situations and fear of being alone.

[coolibrarian]

Rainbow8, when you have internalize d your T AND when you become more self-confident, you may have less of a desire to know "more" about her, like where she lives. I've been through this with my T. It happens now only when I am in The Pit. But it's taken a long time to get to this point.

I have one that I need to bring up with T next week when we talk again. Maybe writing it here will help me actually DO it: My ongoing attachment to her that bugs the $hit out of me because I feel like it shouldn't still be there but it is and it won't go away!! [insert Artemis stomping foot like a petulant teenager]

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

I have one that I need to bring up with T next week when we talk again. Maybe writing it here will help me actually DO it: My ongoing attachment to her that bugs the $hit out of me because I feel like it shouldn't still be there but it is and it won't go away!! [insert Artemis stomping foot like a petulant teenager]

My attachment to Ts hasn't ever "gone away". This is the first time it's getting resolved, though. I think you have to talk about the attachment over and over: what it means, why you feel it, and how you can hold onto T in your real life. It's okay to be attached as long as it doesn't take over and make you miserable. I'm not sure how to make that happen, but fighting the attachment is most likely not going to help.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Issues yet to work on:
-the problem of clutter in my house and general house repairs--I can't seem to make progress on any of this
-my weight and health
-the low degree of connectedness in my life--I would like more and deeper friendships, family relationships, etc.
-better life balance, work balanced with leisure, etc. -- turning my life into what I want it to be

I go to therapy only infrequently, so I am trying to work on these things on my own, with limited success. I actually can't see how T can help with some of these things anyway.

You sound like me! What good is talking to my T about the clutter in my house? The answer is to just clean it up! There's always psychological reasons we don't do things, though. I need to lose weight too. I know what to do, but can't seem to do it! Wanting deeper friendships, etc. All you posted is stuff you CAN talk about with your T. Maybe you're afraid to?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Cherbiej

Rainbow8, when you have internalize d your T AND when you become more self-confident, you may have less of a desire to know "more" about her, like where she lives. I've been through this with my T. It happens now only when I am in The Pit. But it's taken a long time to get to this point.

Thank you. I feel like I'm getting there. It's too late not to drive by her house, since I did it already, and we talk about it now and then. I haven't felt the urge to google her or look at her FB page for a while because she's given me so much of herself. Well, actually I did google her and only looked at her website, so that's different. I don't have the urge to find out more about her. Yes, this does take a long time! If she moved again, I would talk to her about it and not look her up. I think she would show me photos of her house if I asked. I think the problem is that I didn't ask permission, she said. But she keeps her private life separate from her work life, she said. That statement still stings. She brings a lot of her private life into the office, and is pretty open about it. So I don't understand exactly. There's still a part of me who wants to merge with her, I guess. Mostly the child parts are satisfied now, and so are the adult parts. It will be 4 weeks since I've seen her! In the past if this ever happened, I'd go crazy!!! I'd email how much I missed her, and how I thought about her all of the time. Well, I never missed a month with any T, but 2 weeks used to make me act that way too!! I'm posting all this, but I am totally okay with seeing her next week. Of course, feeling sick is taking priority, but sometimes that makes it worse for me, with a T. I can see there's more to work on, though. Someone posted about how it's okay to ask a T about their health, like you'd ask any professional you see. I will never, ever be able to put my T in the same category as "another professional I see". Never. Guess I needed to get that out, and now off to try to make dinner.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My attachment to Ts hasn't ever "gone away". This is the first time it's getting resolved, though. I think you have to talk about the attachment over and over: what it means, why you feel it, and how you can hold onto T in your real life. It's okay to be attached as long as it doesn't take over and make you miserable. I'm not sure how to make that happen, but fighting the attachment is most likely not going to help.

Thanks rainbow. It's not that it's making me miserable or anything, but it comes and goes in intensity. I fight it for awhile, then I give in to it and "let it be" what it is for awhile, then I get to fighting it again. Meh.

[rainbow8]

I forgot to add: weight issues;
Growing older issues though they will come up if I'm still seeing my T in the years to come;
Self-esteem, comparing myself to others

I journaled in detail about some of my unresolved issues. Journaling does help because I don't censor anything. I can see what REALLY bothers me. I know, it's hard to think I'm not totally honest on here, but there's honest, and then there's MORE honest! Like, that boundary issue with T about driving by her house.....I wish I could put it out of my mind but I can't. Then there's T's divorce and my marriage.....

[Perna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

5. I hate the clutter in my house. Usually this ends up untalked about because it seems trivial to me, but it's not! I feel totally powerless about it. This goes along with discussing my marriage. It never gets resolved!

I have that. We moved into this house in 2005 and the second bedroom has never been anything but a "junk" room. I have been working hard for the last 2-3 years to organize and clean the clutter but it still sometimes bugs me at night. I'm not getting any younger and the work is not getting any easier for me to do.