[monkeybrains21]

God I feel good. Played god. Check! It was fun come to me if u want to live
Then the Kentucky derby!!!! I wish input a ton of money on it. I know nothing about horses, but the horse I chose won!!!! I won match madness!!! I am on a roll!!! Had to go get lotto tickets!!! If I win tonight I am god;

[Depletion]

Monkey you need to call your T before you spend all your money on things you can't afford, and don't really want to do.

Yes Monkey please call your T.

[doyoutrustme]

You should not wait for Wednesday as you planned. You need to call your T before you do something you regret

tapatalk post.

[monkeybrains21]

I regret nothing. I am good an great and amazing!

[Depletion]

Monkey I think that it would be much safer for you to call your T and let her know what you've been up to lately. I really think it would be best to check in. She can help you figure out what's been going on. Please call her.

[monkeybrains21]

But I was having fun. I haven't had fun since before I was 6. Y do indeed to call T?
Ooooooh!!! I need to check my lotto tickets!!

[HazelGirl]

Monkey, I know you feel good. But it is a very good idea to call your T and tell her exactly how good you're feeling. It isn't normal.

[monkeybrains21]

�� I didn't win.
Hazel I don't want to be normal I want to be extraordinary!!!��
Awwww my emojis don't show up

[Littlemeinside]

A classic textbook case...almost too classic

[monkeybrains21]

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

A classic textbook case...almost too classic

What is? No idea what ur talking about

This looks and sounds like mania. Your T and pdoc if you have one need to know what is going on.

[monkeybrains21]

Littlemeinside

For the first time in my life these past few weeks I have be able to stop containing everything I feel. I have never been able to freely act myself. I am free from oppression and fear no one. I am me. I don't know what classic anything is since that word means something different to everyone. I know I'm not "normal". Normalcy is a frame of mind and actions a society deems as appropriate. I don't give a damn what others what me to thinks or do. I have myself to others for 27yrs. I decided to conform as much as possible to what others wanted and all it have me was loss and anger and resentment.

It's my to to finally be who I have been containing my whole life. I know I should contain how I am but I'm so tired of trying. I want to be truly happy by being me. Yes I'll tell T how I've been, but I will not allow anyone here to being me down. I will rage when I want but I will do it in a safe constructive way. I have always been hyper since I was a child. I showed that on such occasions when I could contain no longer. I got into fights, I argued with teachers, I rebelled in everyway I could.

I refused to be home longer than I had to. I knew what awaited me. I knew I would be beaten. I was at school every morning as early as I could get a ride, usually around 6am and stayed sometimes til 9 or 10 at night. I ran through the hall, I did weight training, I did art, science, shot hoops. Anything I could so when I got home I shower and fall into bed. But sleep never came until 2 or 3am. I could hear every noise in the house. Were they all real? How the hell should I know, the house was like 70yrs old. I heard my father coming in the night for me. I heard him rape my mother every night. I fantasizes of killing him in the most brutal ways and still do.

I have told T some of this I believe but don't really remember. I don't know if I til her the tapes and how I had to suffer and hear t every night and when I told the police or teachers I was told it was all my imagination! Dot tell me what Classic is. Classic is not living that hell. Classic is not being a living organ donor with no choice. Classic isn't living in perpetual fear wondering when he would come for me or drs would come to take more tissue or blood or an organ from me. Classic is not the screams I hear in the night and in my dreams.

Don't speak to me of right and wrong. To me right woul have been my twin still alive and that abusive alcoholic pedophile dead I a brutal fashion. Speak to me not of classic but of strength And survival. I am strong and powerful and I will destroy that man in my nightmares again and again. I will continue to fight the panick that comes in the night. For I will be one who he will always fear in his dreams because I know and he doesn't know when hell will strike!

[brillskep]

I know you're feeling amazing and perhaps this is what you've needed for a long time. It's just that, as long as it doesn't come naturally and balanced and it's in fact a manic episode, that will actually make your situation worse than it was before if you go spending more money than you can reasonably afford and taking huge risks or anything like that.

I'm sure what you're going through now, all this extreme euphoria you are feeling has its reason and purpose for you. I'm just saying it's dangerous even if it doesn't seem like it right now. I don't claim to know you and I'm sure your struggles have been a lot to deal with. I think you deserve to be happy - happy for real. I know it sounds counterintuitive right now to call your psychiatrist or therapist when you're just feeling so awesome, but please trust us all saying that what you're going through, while pleasant, could put you at risk. We all wish you well.

[monkeybrains21]

Ok so I felt I should update y'all. I saw T last week told her about what happened just like y'all said. We are pushing forward in finding me a Pdoc. She referred a few to me I picked one called Thursday lady on the phone was mean and sai they had just closed. I aske hrs for Friday she said they closed at 430 so I call back Friday when I got home from work. Another lady answered(she was mean too) said thy closed at 3. I asked y the hell did the lady the day before tell me 430!?

I hung up all mad. My partner came in an she tried to calm me saying they are mean ppl and it'll be ok just call on Monday. I didn't want to have to get it together a 3rd time. But did it anyways so I got my appt with new Pdoc and only have to wait 6weeks which from what I hear on PC is really a short wait