[CantExplain]

Here's a bit of fun.

Suppose you are Madame T and you get this letter below. How would you respond?

Dear Madame T,

Thank you for your replies to my earlier communications.

I have tried to keep my letters brief, infrequent and civil, as I am aware that I have no formal claim on your time. I have therefore not expressed the depth of my grief and anger.

I have often felt I wanted to see you again, but the moment I decided to do something, my many grievances just came flooding back. If I were to see you, we’d just be right back where we left off, rehashing all the old arguments, and what’s the point of that? I felt that by the end you weren’t even listening any more. When I told you what I wanted, you wrote it off as an ultimatum. When I told you what I thought, you wrote it off as a sound bite. It doesn’t look like we have a future.

And yet…

I still feel you are my last, best chance to resolve the issues I had with my mother. The transference is so total that I have forgiven my mother and have issues only with you, but I figure it’s still the same thing as far as my subconscious is concerned. This is a magnificent, irreplaceable opportunity for me if only I knew how to use it. But I don’t.

Do you have a plan, or at least an idea about how we could continue? Business as usual will emphatically not do. I tried my best for nearly ten years, I really did. The one thing I am sure of is that something has to change between us, and that you will have to change tactics. The ultimate aim is for me to change, but you have to help me, and what might have worked in the past will not get us past this blockage. We need something new, or the case is hopeless.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Love,
CE

[CantExplain]

Dear CE,
"Business as usual" is all I have to offer. Take it or leave it.
Madame T

[CantExplain]

Dear CE,
You are not my patient any more. Stop bothering me!
Madame T

[smmath]

Great idea!

I would say:

"You have very good writing skills and I am jealous of your vocabulary. "

That is all I have for now. I just wanted you to know someone read this and thinks it's a great idea.

[CantExplain]

Dear CE,
I can't think of any new ideas right now. Why don't you make an appointment and we can discuss it?
Madame T

[RTerroni]

I really think it is time to stop bugging her, she even says that you are now. I think this is why my outgoing Therapist really doesn't want to have contact with her former clients.

[tooski]

Dear CE -
You are such a challenge to me!! Your letter was articulate and well-thought-out, and very honest. I know we are locked in this power struggle, and I really do want to help you, but I cannot let myself be manipulated by you. Nor do I want to manipulate you. I would like to work with you again, but I sense that are giving me ultimatums. We need to talk. There can be no winners or losers in this. We need to work as a team. Can we do that? We need to look at this differently, somehow, and get it away from winning/losing. As the T I know I should take the lead, but sometimes you stump me. I want to help, but sometimes you just frustrate the hell out of me!!

I need to think about this ... I'll get back to you. Take care, and hugs.

[Freewilled]

Dear CE,

It breaks my heart to hear how unfinished it feels for you and that I couldn't help you more. I only wanted the best for you, but unfortunately, it seems my skill set was lacking in the end. Clients don't always realize how much they indeed do affect their therapists, and I hope you know that our work together impacted me in both challenging and productive ways. I can't in good conscience continue to meet with you because I know I am not the best person to help at this point. I care and hope you can continue your journey with a different T who can help you process what went wrong and what went right in our relationship. I don't believe I am the only hope you have of resolving the transference and that is the final place in which our opinions clash. I believe in you and am amazed at the growth you have made over the years. Believe me when I say from the bottom of my heart that I do care greatly for you and that you have challenged me for the better. I can only hope, as unresolved as this feels for you, that you can see how some parts of our relationship may have done same for you.

Take care,
Madame T

[Parley]

Hi CE, I am not going anywhere. Let me know if and when you would like to continue our therapy sessions.

MT

[elliemay]

Dear CE,

The ultimate goal for psychotherapy is for the client to gain insight into their thought processes and behavior and from that insight initiate the change the client wants to see in their own lives.

From your letter, I see that there remains very little insight into your own thought process and as such, I see very little for us to leverage in order for that change to occur.

This is obviously a failure on my part in as much as I couldn't help you to move toward the insight required to move you beyond the issues with me/your mother. However, I will defend my methods, while simultaneously acknowledging that they did not work for you. I know we both did our best with your therapy, it was proper that the therapy ended.

I wish you the best as you continue your work with another therapist, and hope that, as you move forward with them, that these issues can be laid to rest and that you find peace with them.

Sincerely,

Madame

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I really think it is time to stop bugging her, she even says that you are now. I think this is why my outgoing Therapist really doesn't want to have contact with her former clients.

EDIT: I didn't know this was just for fun so I apologize

[brillskep]

I don't know you, so I don't claim I would respond this way if I id. But from just what you wrote here, if i were your T I might say something like this:

Change is difficult and it can take a very long time - sometimes many years.

We can explore our options during our next session to gain some insight into what has been working for you and what hasn't and what we might do differently from now on.

I admire your strength and courage to want change and keep working on it for so long.

...

Something along those lines. I don't know details about your therapy or what issues you're working on. But I'd definitely reply with something encouraging you to explore options in the next session, face to face.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Here's a bit of fun.

Suppose you are Madame T and you get this letter below. How would you respond?

I'm going to work but will have a field day with this later... serious or amusing responses?

Dear CE,
I am really sorry that i was such a jerk to you. You didnt deserve such a lousy therapist as me. You deserve someone who will be a lot kinder to you. Trust me, i am just a big jerk and you deserve a lot better.Just forget about me and move on, because i am not worth your time. I am a selfish creep who thinks only of myself. You deserve a therapist who will show you kindness, love, and respect. Just leave me in the dust. It will be the best thing for you. Everything that went wrong was my fault i promise. I am really sorry. Youre awesome.
Madame T.

[growlycat]

Dear CE-

I value the work we have done in the past, and I do care very much for you. However, I feel we are at a stalemate and my skill set may not be the best fit for you at this time. Gaining a fresh perspective with a new therapist may be what you need, even if it isn't what you think you want.

I am not unique in the ability to help you through what you label "mother issues". There are many relationships and people in your life that can get you where you need to be.

I am sorry that the current situation is hurtful to you. I want the best for you. I miss you as well but I need to do what is right for you. Perhaps due to my own life situation, it is best we do not see each other.

I would encourage you to bring this letter to your current therapist and work through it in therapy. I hope you can hold onto the sense of caring that I will always have for you. It is best that you try your best to move forward and forge new bonds.

Fondly,
Madame T

[sweepy62]

Ce,
I have read your letter, our journey together has ended, you have unresolved issues which I hope with your new therapist, will get worked through.

Madame T.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tooski

Dear CE -
You are such a challenge to me!! Your letter was articulate and well-thought-out, and very honest. I know we are locked in this power struggle, and I really do want to help you, but I cannot let myself be manipulated by you. Nor do I want to manipulate you. I would like to work with you again, but I sense that are giving me ultimatums. We need to talk. There can be no winners or losers in this. We need to work as a team. Can we do that? We need to look at this differently, somehow, and get it away from winning/losing. As the T I know I should take the lead, but sometimes you stump me. I want to help, but sometimes you just frustrate the hell out of me!!

I need to think about this ... I'll get back to you. Take care, and hugs.

Very plausible. I think this is exactly how she feels. But I doubt she will spell it out so clearly.

[Petra5ed]

Dear CE,

We were obviously locked in a power struggle and I felt I could not win with you. I believe in my methods but if they are not working for you then I don't see how I'm helping. You refusing to see my side and try things my way irritated the hell out of me. On the other hand, I really did like that steady cash and we had some good times, no? Maybe if you write me another letter giving into everything I wanted I will sweeten up and we can try therapy again.

Hugs,

Madame T

[Jungatheart]

Ohhh. I feel for you and personally share in the struggle to let go of an exT.
Look at all of these people trying to help you. Will their words be good enough? Will someone give you the puzzle piece that you have been missing? Can one of us say what you need her to say, and if so, then what?

For me, the most healing came from when I changed my focus from what "they" thought, to how I felt. And accepting that only I could deal with my own feelings - and sadly, that "they" would not be a part of that.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I really think it is time to stop bugging her, she even says that you are now.

Perhaps it is not clear which of my posts are sober facts and which are hypotheticals and fantasies.

Madame T has asked me to stop sending her daily hate letters by email. But my recent submissions have not be hate letters, have not been by email, and have always been at least a month apart.

She has never issued a blanket ban on contacting her, not have I heard her ask me to "stop bugging her".

Incidentally, I fully aware of your position on this issue.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by tooski

Dear CE -
You are such a challenge to me!! Your letter was articulate and well-thought-out, and very honest. I know we are locked in this power struggle, and I really do want to help you, but I cannot let myself be manipulated by you. Nor do I want to manipulate you. I would like to work with you again, but I sense that are giving me ultimatums. We need to talk. There can be no winners or losers in this. We need to work as a team. Can we do that? We need to look at this differently, somehow, and get it away from winning/losing. As the T I know I should take the lead, but sometimes you stump me. I want to help, but sometimes you just frustrate the hell out of me!!

I need to think about this ... I'll get back to you. Take care, and hugs.

Thanks Tooski!

For some reason this triggers me, and if Madame T were to respond in this way I might write:

I wish you wouldn't use the word "ultimatum" in reference to my suggestions. I find the word deeply offensive as well as inaccurate.

You are of course at liberty to define "ultimatum" any way you please, but my understanding is that it:
1. Contains an explicit threat.
2. States explicitly that no counteroffer will be entertained.

If it looks like an ultimatum to you, perhaps that is because you never bothered to make a counteroffer.