Feel like therapy never helps

I've seen multiple psychologists in my life and am about to embark on another journey with a new one after now suffering my second bout of postpartum depression and anxiety. I saw a psychologist a few years back every 2 weeks for two years and feel like I accomplished nothing. My problems were still there and there was no one there to deal with them but me. Same goes with the therapy I got a year ago every week for dealing with the grief of my mom and sister's deaths. I feel like therapy is a big waste of time and I'm sort of ambivalent about going. Add to the fact that this new therapist is a 'fellow' or whatever and has the degree but not much experience behind it, and I am less than enthused about embarking on it again. To top it off, she asked me what I want to work on. How should I know what the problem is that needs to be addressed first?

Any advice or optimism out there for me?

Hi, Amy. I guess you have to decide/pick something you wish were better and work on it for therapy to work. I was in therapy from when I was 20 to when I was 55 but I consider my therapy as working.

Why are you starting therapy at all if you don't feel it is for you? It sounds a little like leading a horse to water but. . . What "kinds" of therapy have you tried? Maybe psychodynamic isn't for you and you might want something more "hands-on" where you work on tasks (getting out, making friends, getting a good support network, etc.)? I was just thinking how much "energy" we can get from other people/ideas (one reason I like online forums like this where I can "exercise" my energy, give and get) and how important that is to me to interact with others.

Don't worry at first about your new therapist's background and/or education, check her out as a person and see if you "like" her and are comfortable with her and if anything "clicks." Therapists are just other people and it's their personal gifts, education, experience that make them useful to others but like anyone else, "who" they're going to be useful to differs. It's a little like applying/interviewing for a job; one doesn't end up working everywhere one applies because either the person interviewing doesn't think you would fit the job/company or you don't think you would like that particular job or company. I once used my avatar (on the left) on the top of my resume, a bit larger, and sent it out. I didn't want to work anywhere that didn't "enjoy" me and my humor and quirky self :-) I found a "perfect" job for me at that time. What would you like in a therapist? What would you idealy like therapy to be like?

Were I in your shoes, I'd try to muster a little curiosity (one of my strong suits :-) about the therapist as another person and whether she and I can work together to help me. One usually doesn't get to ask a therapist personal questions/get to know much about them but their "character" is there to read as our own is; that's what the relationship is about and imagining embarking on the "journey" of therapy with that companion. . .

I think that when someone really benefits from therapy its because they have a good connection with their T. Having a T that you get along with, and work together with is a VERY big part in determining the success of therapy. Is there any way you might be able to try and find one that "fits" with you better? ... I think that would make a difference.

Best of luck
Jacq

Hi Amy,

Give it another try, but limit the timetable to a couple of months and if you don't have a comfort level or don't click, then move on. I imagine that you still have much grieving work to do. Maybe you could continue on that along with focusing on what you can do with your life on a daily basis to make things easier on yourself. Give it a shot for a couple of months and then move on.
(((((((((((((((((((Amy)))))))))))))))))))

Do you have a major university hospital in your area? or any other hospital? If they have a psychiatric department......call an inquire about a day treatment program (group therapy).

Hiya.

So your goals for therapy are... To help you feel happier? I think that is a pretty good goal :-)

Do you remember what theoretical orientation your therapists were?

Did you ever feel connected to them?
(Emotionally close like you could talk to them about intimate thoughts / feelings)

Did you like them? Sometimes it can be about bad fit...

That was a long time to see someone for when it didn't really seem to be helping...

The best therapist I have ever seen (though my current one is probably on a par...) was actually doing her intern year of a clinician psychology program. She didn't even have a lisence to practice yet! What was terrific about her was her enthusiasm and willingness to try new things. Because she didn't have many years of experience with her she had less of a tendency to fit me into the stereotypes and she had more openness to her experience with me. To just take me as she found me instead of comparing me to past clients all the time...

One thing that seems to be emerging from the effecacy literature... Is that the theoretical orientation doesn't seem to be anywhere near as important as the relationship (fit) between the therapist and client.

Having the opportunity to talk to someone who cares can be the most healing thing of all. But... The caring needs to be mutual.

Did you ever feel like you had that before?

Maybe... That was what went wrong...