Asking for support and no reply

I've been in therapy for a while. A huge, traumatic event occurred the other day, preceded by other "very very difficult events" in the past few months. I have reached out and asked for support. Sometimes my t answers, other times does not. It is unpredictable and brings up many abandonment issues. I have spoken to t about this and was told, "you are projecting. I have mostly been there." T is good but, at this time, I find the unpredictability of when or IF my t is going to respond to me very very painful and almost more than I can bare at times. I know I am too much at times and I am trying to comfort myself. Sometimes it seems therapy hurts more than helps. I am tired and alone and don't think I can risk reaching out again and feeling ignored. Twice in the last few weeks my T said he would call me on a certain day and did not. Like I said, when I brought this up, it was labeled as projection. I can't keep repeating this pattern.

The helping has hurt. I am so tired of the hurt. I have no idea what to do except to keep trying to offer comfort to myself. But it's not enough.

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That's not projection. That's a screw-up and I'm sorry your T deflected it like that. Thing is, some of your feelings will be projection, and some won't, and you're experiencing them as being in the here and now - so it's at best unhelpful, and at worst utterly anguish-inducing, to be fobbed off like that.

Can I ask if it's possible for you to try a different T? I'm wondering if this one has quite a 'blank slate' philosophy, whereas some Ts bring more of their real selves into the room and own things when they make mistakes. It's all very well having firm boundaries but saying you'll do something and not doing it is a real mistake and I think it's invalidating to say you're projecting - maybe this T's approach just isn't right for you.

I'm really sorry as it sounds like you have enough to worry about already. I suggest having one conversation with your T about how you feel and pointing out that while it may be triggering older feelings, it's not solely projection as something had to happen (the T making mistakes) for that projection / triggering to occur!

It sounds to me like your T is placing the "blame" for your feelings on you instead of owning up to his own mistakes, at least with the time when your T said he was going to call you and didn't. Even with a client that doesn't have abandonment issues, that can be very upsetting. But your T should be extra careful knowing that you are so affected by this sort of thing. It can be agonizing waiting for a response. I agree with tinyrabbit that you should try talking to your T about it. Maybe your T doesn't fully understand how you feel about this yet.

It's bad manners not to mention anything else when someone says they will call and then doesn't. Hope you're ok.