[CantExplain]

Dear T,

You wouldn't try to cure me of being left-handed.
You wouldn't try to cure me of being gay.
So why do you try to cure me of being Aspergic?

Aspergers isn't something I have.
Aspergers is something I am.

[phaset]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Dear T,

You wouldn't try to cure me of being left-handed.
You wouldn't try to cure me of being gay.
So why do you try to cure me of being Aspergic?

Aspergers isn't something I have.
Aspergers is something I am.

Is this about Mr. T, or Madame?

Mine said I am not broken and she doesn't want to fix me... She keeps saying all the right sounding things, I just wish she knew more.

[CantExplain]

This doesn't really apply to any specific T, but I admit I was thinking about Madame T when I wrote it. Her attitude was that Aspergers was irrelevant.

[phaset]

My wife has a similar opinion which I don't understand. To me it is the most relevant thing I've ever known. What was her reasoning for it being irrelevant? Was this stated or are you just reading into something she said? What form of therapy does she do?

When my therapist (who has no experience with Asperger's) and I were talking about getting diagnosed she said that she wouldn't want to know if she was. I wonder if that has changed now that she has done some research.

[catsrhelm]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

This doesn't really apply to any specific T, but I admit I was thinking about Madame T when I wrote it. Her attitude was that Aspergers was irrelevant.

Sounds like this Madam T is one sandwich shy of a picnic. While I don't claim to be an Aspie, I do have learning differences that pop up when I least expect it. She sounds like she has no empathy. You may want to look into another T. In the meantime, hugs!

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Her attitude was that Aspergers was irrelevant.

I've never thought of Asperger's as a handicap. It is a form of autism where the person is likely to have a higher than average IQ. OK, so far it doesn't seem like a big deal. Other characteristics of Asperger's are all related to not being great at talking to people, not good socially, physical clumsiness, obsessive routines.

OK, there was a word for people like this before they created an autism spectrum disorder for it... what was it... oh yeah "nerd"! In my mind it's not that it doesn't exist, it does and it is you, it's just that you are probably a nerd more than you are autistic. You might never be overflowing with emotion in face to face talk with your T, but that doesn't mean you'll never improve on it, that's just more your baseline tendency. And it's mine too. I'm a nerd, and I think bothering with social gestures yada yada is a waste of time, always have.

I do think being anti-social/ obsessive is a disadvantage though. I would do better if I could rally support around me.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I've never thought of Asperger's as a handicap. It is a form of autism where the person is likely to have a higher than average IQ. OK, so far it doesn't seem like a big deal. Other characteristics of Asperger's are all related to not being great at talking to people, not good socially, physical clumsiness, obsessive routines.

OK, there was a word for people like this before they created an autism spectrum disorder for it... what was it... oh yeah "nerd"! In my mind it's not that it doesn't exist, it does and it is you, it's just that you are probably a nerd more than you are autistic. You might never be overflowing with emotion in face to face talk with your T, but that doesn't mean you'll never improve on it, that's just more your baseline tendency. And it's mine too. I'm a nerd, and I think bothering with social gestures yada yada is a waste of time, always have.

I do think being anti-social/ obsessive is a disadvantage though. I would do better if I could rally support around me.

You obviously don't understand how much of a handicap it really is. This is not being a "nerd". Its not that simple or easy. I have never been diagnosed, but I have some Asperger traits and it's way more than just a personality trait.

[RTerroni]

I couldn't agree more, I have had Asperger's for basically my entire life.

[phaset]

I was trying to reply without being angry as I don't think Petra5ed meant to offend. The general description that most people have about autism doesn't seem accurate. My problems are not related to being a "nerd". I think what she wrote is similar to how my wife understands Asperger's though and am wondering if that is how Madame T feels.

[Petra5ed]

Yikes! Sorry to offend. I suppose I don't know anything about Asperger's. My bad everyone... don't take offence please.

Still, please explain it to me if you can. I've always thought I had Asperger traits...

[Lauliza]

My daughter has Aspergers and many people in my family have Aspie traits as well as ADD (which can share some traits). I certainly don't think that an Aspie needs to be fixed. It is not a disease it is a developmental disorder that has some strengths (usually high intelligence) and some drawbacks (social limitations and obsessional thinking). It is much more than just being quirky or a nerd...that's a common misconception since the disorder appears to be so much more prevalent now. But there are lots of nerds in the world and most of them do not have Aspergers.

It is absolutely relevant to therapy and I'm sorry Madame T had so little understanding of it. I don't think anyone should try to "cure" Aspergers, since it isn't possible (despite some bogus claims by some people). However, I do think help with social skills, emotional regulation, rigidity and other traits is important though. The high incidences of social anxiety and depression is usually a result if the right help isn't received. I just wish more Ts understood the disorder and could be of more help. The still seems to be so little knowledge even among specialists that it is frustrating! All I can say is that if more Ts understood the world of a person with Aspergers and could alter their treatment accordingly there would be a lot of relief for a lot of people. And less personality disorder diagnosis too, I bet. Sorry for the rant but I hear where you're coming from and wish Madame T or new T could see this too...

[elliemay]

well then it seems to me that the person with Asperger's doesn't have to do anything. The people around them are the ones that have to adapt.

Correct?

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by elliemay

well then it seems to me that the person with Asperger's doesn't have to do anything. The people around them are the ones that have to adapt.

Correct?

Absolutely not. I don't think that it's a black/white either you change or I change situation. I think it's an acknowledgement that we are all different and that maybe that means making allowances for an aspie (can be blunt and too honest, and doesn't always pick up on social cues), and it means the aspie knows their disadvantages and tries to improve.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by elliemay

well then it seems to me that the person with Asperger's doesn't have to do anything. The people around them are the ones that have to adapt.

Correct?

I agree to an extent. I have Asperger's traits too (and my son is low functioning autistic) and I'm certain I would meet the criteria for diagnosis if I wanted that. However, I think it is too easy to use it as a crutch. I don't say this to be offensive, I'm just speaking from my own experience. For me, an Asperger's diagnosis would be abdictating my responsibility to myself. I'm a nerd, I have Aspie traits, it's part of who I am, my personality. It's not a medical condition, or an excuse to behave however I would like without respect for others or for myself.

[phaset]

This topic has gone off the rails a bit, but I've lived my entire life adapting to how other people expect me to be. I didn't get diagnosed to have a crutch, I wanted to know why I was different. I wish I could have found out when I was younger. I work my *** off to appear human.

I agree with Lauliza that it is vital to therapy. I know why I find it so hard. Most people here describe their interactions with their therapists in a way that makes it sound like a fluid conversation, and I am stuck in mud and agonize over every word I say.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by elliemay

well then it seems to me that the person with Asperger's doesn't have to do anything. The people around them are the ones that have to adapt.

Correct?

Definitely not. I think some Ts need to adapt to them more though. That way Aspies can receive proper treatment and hopefully function better in the world and with the people around them.

[Favorite Jeans]

Hey do you guys watch Parenthood?

I think the scenes between the Ray Romano character (adult who has recently realized he probably has Asperger's) and his therapist are really well-done and illustrate some of what's being discussed here.

One of the things they focus on is building the skills necessary to have empathy. Aspergers makes it very hard to read a social situation or another person's emotions which can lead to all sorts of complications. You are unlikely to become emotionally intuitive as a result of therapy. But you can develop the communication skills that will help you navigate this stuff. You can, for example, learn to enquire about other people's emotions.

CE I think you can change in therapy sort of like everyone else can. Your weaknesses are unlikely to suddenly become strengths, your issues will always be your issues etc but you can develop insights and strategies that allow you not to be run by your issues. It's helpful to have a T who understands how to help you develop those skills and insights. You will still be you but that is still real change.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

The way I understand the "it's irrelevant" comment is that if your T is relating to you as an individual, everything that you "are" is irrelevant. It doesn't matter if you are a person of color or a woman or any other identity issue.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Dear T,

You wouldn't try to cure me of being left-handed.
You wouldn't try to cure me of being gay.
So why do you try to cure me of being Aspergic?

Aspergers isn't something I have.
Aspergers is something I am.

As a women with Aspeger's, I absolutely agree with this. We don't need to be repaired. We just need some understanding and recognition that we experience the world differently.

It is important that my psychiatrist recognize the way I think. I tend to be a concrete thinker and struggle with things such as idioms. I often have to ask her what she means. In one particular incident, I was so confused when she said, "In a pickle." I saw myself in a pickle jar with other quartered pickles. I could not understand how this image related to the topic.

Before I was diagnosed with Asperger's, I was told, I had a personality disorder. I always struggled with that diagnosis, because it did not describe my lifelong experiences and behaviors. It implied other things that were no relevant to my life, which therapists would focus on. They enjoyed looking for suppressed memories. After I was diagnosed with Asperger's, therapy dramatically improved. Clinicians changed their attitude and approach. I actually improved and started to talk without fear I was going to be misinterpreted.

Navigating the world with Asperger's is difficult. Social decoding is really hard and so is imagining what another is thinking. I'm motivated internally rather than externally. My acute senses make me very anxious and so does socializing.

Mainstream society isn't very nice to us. Most usually get ostracized in childhood and adolescence, for inane reasons such as different interests, poor social skills, and a lack of fashion sense.

The label actually helped me heal and accept myself. Now, I am living. I don't use Asperger's as an excuse for anything.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

The label actually helped me heal and accept myself. Now, I am living. I don't use Asperger's as an excuse for anything.

I completely agree with this. It's all about self-acceptance. Most of my interpersonal problems arise from me not accepting and liking who I am.

I've never had T's/Pdocs trying to cure my Asperger's, but I think it would be preferable to what I have now, namely them blaming my Asperger's for my MDD/depression and PTSD and thus not treating it.