[JaneC]

Do you express your anger? And if so how? And do you talk about anger with your T?

I have realised that I have a lot of anger inside of me because I suddenly feel an intense amount towards my T at the moment. At least I think it is anger, its this seething feeling deep in my stomach and a tightness in my chest (yep it is also new for me to recognise where feelings sit in my body).......but I just can not allow this to come out.

I mean, I can say I am angry......but I do not know how to express it. Or show it. I have this desire to yell at my T....really loud, and perhaps throw things. It just doesn't make sense to me.

How do you, if at all, express anger? And, if it starts, if you start being outwardly angry, does it stop, can you stop?

[Freewilled]

I'm often, if not always, experiencing some sort of anger towards my T...I've told him about it but it's like I can't fully express it cause every time I think ill just be honest, it goes away. Or another part of me comes and denies the anger or softens it. That leaves me restless and unresolved and feeling fake - a liar. And jumbled up inside - like I don't know which way is up. I know this anger is not really all in the present but it feels very real. It seems to be central in my recovery right now and my T refuses to act out of it. I have this urge for wanting him to yell at me. I did tell him that...But I think that's me displacing it onto him and he just gives it back to me nice and gently. It's maddening but I know in my heart it's what I need.

One time I expressed it toward him after he really pissed me off. After he did mess up and get mad at me in a way that seemed pretty controlling...and I still think he was wrong...and he did apologize. I see now that he was most likely drawn into the whole drama triangle thing. I basically yelled at him - well my version of yelling, I raised my voice in an irritated tone. He says he worked through it now and I believe him.

It's really hard and sometimes I think I have it all figured out. But that's in my head....my feelings are way behind /: T says I need to own the anger, just not sure I know how to do that because it feels so separate from me.

[sweepy62]

I start getting all sarcastic, frustrated, I start pacing a little, fidgety huffing and puffing, shutting down, I will say I am angry, and she wants me to feel these feelings, but she tells me underneeth this anger is another strong emotion I am avoiding which is usually vulnerability, and I am using anger because its easier, and I do use anger alot because it is easier, I identify with the anger emotion all the time.

She can easily recognize when I am angery, then she makes me talk, or draw my anger.

[HazelGirl]

Just saying it to her and having her understand should be a good enough expression of anger to relieve that pressure.

[clairelisbeth]

I am getting better at saying "I am angry" and talking about it, but I definitely also struggle with either shoving it away or acting sarcastic and kind of flippant without meaning to.

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[kororain]

We had this big conversation about anger last time I saw her. I think she was wanting me to say what my "real" emotion under the anger was... except that I wasn't talking specifics. I was talking generalities.

Sometimes I think she thinks I'm a moron, seriously. I have no problem figuring out that anger is really fear or sadness or whatever. It feels like she thinks I'm totally not self-aware, when I totally am.

Ugggggggh....

[lightcatcher]

T says I use the statement 'I'm angry' to cover other emotions such as sadness and hurt. T is right. When I get angry (I would say I am over flowing with it all the time, T knows this) I might fidget, huff, be sarcastic, rude, or opposite, shut down, stop talking, hold my breath (no for ever but seems to be something I do unconsciously).

Being angry makes me feel powerful, it's been my longest companion.
But now I have to let it go for the positives to come (not all anger as it is protective too).
Letting this go will be my biggest struggle, if I'm not angry I have to feel everything else that I haven't... Crap.

[JaneC]

Thanks everyone. Sorry others are dealing with it too.

Yeah, I wonder what might be the underlying emotions that anger is the final defence for. All the others, humour, sarcasm, logic, rude, flippant etc are the usual go to ones. I think probably it is the hurt vulnerable part underneath that is being protected.

And true.....it is probably that part, and dealing with it is the way to healing. Not easy huh?

[lightcatcher]

Jane could anger be your last line of defense after using all your other go to ones, esp since T is with you and getting closer to that centre point? Pull out the big and final guns kinda thing??

[JaneC]

Lol, yep think that is what I was trying to say, you put it better than me thanks.