[sweepy62]

I went to session, ready to discuss my stressors and start talking pre csa talk, so I started with the mother in law thing, she is in the hospital, h is overwhelmed, I am overwhelmed because of h, I am not emotionally vested in her, as she treats me like a slave, they both do, anyway, her health has gotten worse but stable. I also spoke of our therapeutic relationship.

I told her, that I really dont want to be in a bubble , if we are to delve into csa exposure therapy, i need to be closer and drop some barriers, I told it was me not her, she smiled, I told her I want the same feeling i had with old t, she said, she has made as comfortable as she can, and i agreed she is right, I told her from now on, I will try to be more of myself, and let her in more, because I do like her, and she said its a pleasure to work with me, even if Im so avoidant.

So we straightened that out, we laughed alot today, told lots of jokes, in between seriousness, she took out her iphone and we listened to mindfulness music together, we both closed our eyes, (yes i peeked) . she also asked me why do I always leave a voicemail and end it with, ( i dont need you to call me back) I told her I dont want to be needy, she said, I know you needed a callback from me that day, but I was following your instructions, I want you to ask for what you need.

You are not needy, you are the opposite, you hold back to much, asking is not a sign of weekness, its a sign of strenghth so, her challenge is to leave a message when i need her, and say call me back, omg.

Stressor today was, the doctor told my h, his mothers illnes is proceeding towards end stages of disease, since the doctor in this hospital knows me, because I am always there, she pulled me to the side and told me, she has 6 to 9 months to live. I am holding this secret now.

[HazelGirl]

I am glad the session went well. It is terrifying to admit to needing someone, and I relate very well. In fact, the only time I have talked to my T on the phone was when I scheduled my very first appointment, and once when I texted her telling her I had a horrible day, she called me without prompting. Other than that, I have never spoken to her on the phone, even when I have wanted to.

[sweepy62]

yeah for now, i dont think i will tell her call me back, thats enough vulnerability, today was too vulnerable, i will skip that challenge lol, i have enough stressors at home now, with h mother, she is home now, everytime she sleeps we think she has passed omg its so damn stressful, and now i no therapy next week, this sucks.

[growlycat]

Interesting that you mention the "no need to call me back"….I did the same thing today with CBT T.

Sometimes, to keep me accountable to goals I set AND to keep the connection, he asks me to call him and leave a message. I really would love to hear back from him but I keep telling him not to!

[sweepy62]

I want and need her to call back, last week I was struggling, but im stubborn, and she told me today, she knee I needed a callback, but I specifically said do not call.