Closure session - key points to remember? Also, jealousy, a new thing

I have decided to take up the offer of the session offered to me by old T and go for closure. Are there any particular things I should remember about a closure session? I've not done this before, and don't want to leave with a more confused and unsatisfactory sense than before going in.

So - is there any structure I should I stick to to get the best out of it - like perhaps making a list beforehand and then whizzing through it in bullet point form to make sure I say absolutely everything I need?

How have your closure sessions gone, and do you have anything you wished you had known beforehand?

She sent me an email today, reiterating her offer of the session - as she hadn't received my reply - saying how she's becoming more boundaried with everyone, it's not personal, etc etc. Fair enough, but there's no option at all of contacting her in crisis anymore - I can't be the only client that will have been ruffled by this.. I'm not to email her at her old address, as she wants to keep it for personal use. Even that gave me a twinge of hurt. And she copied in the PA, which again hurt and I wonder has she been bcc'd into all emails for the last few months. Also it showed me that I'm jealous of the PA, because she got the job and I didn't. I remembered old T saying maybe she would turn out to be crap, and then perhaps I could take it over, on the day when she was telling me the clinic had hired this person. I think that was supposed to be her letting me down gently, but it was a daft thing to say.

I did something slightly stalkerish then, and googled this woman, just to see. She's a doctoral psychology student. I don't even know why I wanted to see her, I know I felt this same weird twinge when she left me the voicemail when old T was too sick to do it herself a couple weeks ago.

Also, she saved the stupid needy voicemail I left her at the weekend because she wasn't sure it was me as she can't understand it and doesn't recognize the voice as mine (my voice was nearly gone so very husky and croaky) and maybe I want to listen to it when I come in? I can't think of anything worse, frankly. And the pointed out that she's making an exception to see me tomorrow night. Which is nice, but I feel embarrassed about that too.

Maybe just reiterate why you're leaving. And spend time going over what you have accomplished with your T and what you want to take with you as you leave.

I guess I want to leave the session tomorrow feeling empowered and well on my way to moving on. So any recommendations of how to conduct myself with a bit of grace and dignity (what's left of it) would be great.

Thanks HazelGirl. Yeah, maybe a good structure would be to point out the reasons I need to go, and then move swiftly on concentrating on good bits.

Well, at my closure, which of course, this is different for you, you are hurt, and have unresolved issues, it will be different. I wrote down in list form, my feelings about the termination, as she left in the middle of our work. You should make a list of topics, how blurred boundaries hurt you, and how she should validate what your going through, as this has cost you a setback in therapy, start from there.

Try writing down everything you'd ideally want to know from her or ask her. Then put them in order of importance to have answered. I think taking in a list would keep you on task and not allow the session to deviate too much. Remember you can have more that one termination session, in fact lots of therapists prefer a few to allow feelings and questions to be processed fully.

Idk - this feels to me like trying to get closure from the wizard of oz. As long as youre in treatment, you suspend disbelief, and you let the t be your parent, or do whatever it takes to fool your brain into changing. But once youve peeked behind the curtain - whats the point? A diploma, a ticking heart, a badge of courage? Im sorry, i really dont like her a) ccing the PA on correspondence without your prior permission and 2. Making a point of mentioning shes making an exception to see you. I would find that so hurtful for myself. Idk, isnt it hostile? Either she should do it and shut up about it, or she shouldnt do it. Does she mean to imply youre forcing her somehow? What is the exception? For a closure type session at all? Maybe the point is, yes you still havd work to do; this isnt a clean ending. Do you need her to tell you that? Are you wondering if you should start up again right away? Its summer, i would take a break. Everybody will be on vacation anyway. Anyway, good luck!

I made a list of three things I wanted to ask her and three things I wanted to say to her. That was really all we could fit in as the 45 minutes flew by. Mine were simple, 1) favorite memory working together, 2) difficult time working together 3) areas I should consider continuing to work on. I found the closure session highly valuable even if it was spent in tears and I had conflicting feelings of being pissed we were terminating (she retired) and being so appreciative I found her at a time my life was spiraling. I really struggled with the idea that thank you in itself was enough. She helped save my life and how the heck do you thank someone for that. How could I impress the importance of that. In the end I asked if she knew the difference she made in my life and she relayed by staying the course of working together (not terminating when it got dicey) and my reaction to the termination she knew how I felt about her. She gave a few other examples of how she knew and I was deeply touched by her words, it felt so much more than just words.

Wow, typing all that brought back the memory! I promised myself I wouldn't forget the connection of that closure session because I felt so empowered when I walked out. I guess the passage of time does that.

I agree and I think that's unacceptable, it is a breach of confidentiality.

Good Luck IG - this is a tricky one to navigate as there is so much emotion connected to it. I would be very upset re the CC - I think that is definitely a breach of confidentiality. i am sorry you had to find this out the way you did.