[melania]

So here are some of my thoughts about therapy and stuff like that.
When I say 'we' I don't mean myself or some concrete person of this forum, it's just flow of my thougts. It's not about everybody but I believe that someone could see him/herself in this

We lose our time when we sit here in this forum every day and sometimes all day long and sometimes even from our mobile phone just to read other experiences or get some answers.
We become jealous when we hear that someone's therapist shows him/her too much attension or love or something else but by the way we don't confess we are jealous and sometimes we don't confess this even to ourselves.
We say- please don't touch your therapist when we think- I want sex with him/her, we are losing our minds of wanting him/her and we lie to ourselves saying- there are boundaries and it's so f**king right and perfect but deep inside our souls cry- I hate boundaries!
We are obsessed thinking all the time of our therapists, what he/she thinks about us, what he/she feels for us etc. We write emails to him/her every week or maybe some of us almost everyday.
And then we realise we are too broken and we just leave...leave therapy, leave therapist, find another therapist and think of our ex therapist.

And yes - now about me.
I thank to God for every minute I had with him. I still think that memories are better than just dreams. I feel like his ex lover and maybe I am and this time I will never forget, it was the best time of my life, it was like a dream, he made my dreams to reality. I remember only good thinks, just don't know why, I still see him as a friend (oh I'm sorry I wanted to say as a therapist), my body remember all his touches and memories are better than nothing.
It hurts but I live my life doing many things that I like or have to do and just have no time to even look in this forum, just sometimes.
The scars on my wrists will always remember him, yeah it was so painful but just don't know why I remember our love when I look at this.
Obsession has gone. Pains are torturing me sometimes. I'm on 5 meds now, it kills my emotions but it can't kill my love.
It's better now, we ended our romantic relationships, I had nervous breakdown and now we are just friends, it's hard but better than nothing.
I believe in God, I believe in destiny, I believe that nothing happens without a reason.

I don't ask for help, just wanted to tell some of my thoughts to my and my therapist's haters and other people here.
So thanks for your attention, bye!

I agree with much of what you said melania. I do spend way to much time on here. I use it as an excuse not to do other things, but also I feel empathetic to all that post, with the exception of one. I know that it must have been and still is very painful to you that you bared your heart and soul for your therapist, and you got what you felt was nothing but grief. I was one of those that said run, don't walk. I try not to give anyone advice, but am not sure that I would change that advice to you without knowing more. One thing I have changed is my thinking that maybe a therapist and a client can have a romantic relationship. I got to this point by hearing your pain, and reading other post on the romance forum. It's not something I would do for myself, but I have opened my eyes to the possibility that clients and therapist do fall in love just like everyday people.

Jealousy, I didn't have it in therapy, but I sometimes feel it now, when people talk about texting their therapist, my ex therapist doesn't even have a cell phone. I was teasing her the other day that one day she will not have a choice. Because of therapy this tinge of jealousy is not going to eat away at me, because I can look at what I do have and appreciate what is. And, at the time my life is beautiful, and in those moments that it is not, I know I have the know how to get back to beauty.

My wish for you, is that you heal from the pain that has you wanting to checkout (of life), and that you can enjoy your life, your music abilities, your work as a nurse ( I can see you as a psych nurse), or what ever you do, and that you can one day be with the love of your life, whomever that may turnout to be. Take care of yourself, melania.

GTGT