[Whalen84]

I can't believe how hard this has been. Everything went to hell in April. Id been seeing this woman, a social worker in the US for 2 yrs at that point. I didn't even wanna start therapy but my bf at the time wanted me to. He picked her out and I only started going to please him. I do have a bad substance abuse problem and she ended up diagnosing me w/ PTSD. Anyway I ended up really connecting with her. We live in a small city And it turns out we know A LOT of the same people. It Actully was pretty weird we never met.
So stuff between us was weird in a bunch of ways i guess. I txed her too much, definitely got very codependent with her. She said things to me she shouldn't have - all things a part of me wanted to hear - she told me not to worry about contacting her so much, I was important to her, said it was like we had ESP, told me about dreams she had about me....it goes on and on. It was like she didn't think of it as a dual relationship cause it was electronic communication and I went a long with this I thought maybe she was doing this cause she knows my mother is psych nurse. She knows I know the rules and bending them some to my benefit is only a good thing....i know she could never be my friend...i know this.
It took a while but I told her things I never told anyone else. The biggest thing was telling her about a sexual relationship i had with one of my high school teachers. Female teacher. It was for basically my whole seinor yr. It was my fist sexual experience with another woman and it was extremely difficult and confusing. This teacher was like a mother figure to me. She was the same age as my mother and my mother wasn't around much and wasn't accepting of my sexuality (bi) and I thought this woman was accepting of me for who I was. She was just using me, for sex. I had pretty much said nothing about this whole experience for 13 yrs. I never even told my husband and I've been with him since 2006 ( except for a yr off when I was w/ the man who got me into therapy)
This social worker help me to start to process all this **** so I was pretty weirded out to say the least when this past March when she told me about a dream she had about me trying to get her to lay down next to me on my bed ( and in a forest....????....i don't know, it was her dream that's what she said)
I was so confused. At the time I was going to a methadone clinic.i was in their IOP program. I talked about what happened to two of the councilors that I trusted ( my SW knew all these people cause she used to run one of the clinics for this same company. She also
was friends with the director of the program) i thought it was confidential but it wasn't. A week later I get called into the directors office and told that an ethics complaint was being written up because of what i said. At first my SW thought that she could clear it all up and she told me to ask if we could all meet. The director said no. I guess she called/ tx all of them and none of them responded.
I spent two hrs on the phone with her trying to calm her down and reassure her. I wanted to do for her what she had done for me. Looking back on it now I realized, not only was it totally inappropriate for her to call me like that but also it occurred to me that she was way more worried about what I said thrn what she had actually said. Part of her concern was that she feels when u talk about something that's upsetting to me I'm not very articulate. I know what she said and i know what i said. I told the truth. I was articulate enough and I didn't lie about anything ( why would I? For what?) So long story short - I'm cutting out a lot of stuff - She terminated with me and gave me very little notice. She lied to me. I asked her if that ment I couldn't talk to her anymore and she said no that wasn't true. Back at the end of December I had terminated with her because stuff was just getting to outta hand for me. The boundaries were getting too blurred. I told her I needed time and space and that lasted only a couple of weeks into Jan. She contacted me because she was having dreams that I was dead and she was so worried she just had to know. Of course I was glad to hear from her. I didn't wanna terminate but I felt I had to. When she called me the next day she said she felt like she was my guardian angel.
So fast forward a couple months....she says she's terminating with me - ok I under stand - things are a mess right now - but I'll defend her till the end and do whatever it is I need to so she doesn't get in trouble. That was never my intention.
Well........the day she terminated with me I went into detox (for alcohol ) at a state hospital. I got out in 9 days but I didn't contact her for about a month. I didn't want her to worry about me. I was hoping she would just think I was still locked in there.
The day I called her, my intention was for one thing to give her a covenant not to sue I had written up, and ask her if there was anything I could write up to help defend her.
She told me she can't talk to me.
?
What?
But I spent months and months and months defending her reputation and keeping my mouth shut at the clinic.
When i terminated with her she contacted me when she wanted to.
When she had questions about the ethics complaint I answered all of them.
What the hell is going on?
She said i was important to her. She said she'd always be there for me. She said she was my guardian angel.
I can't go through anything even remotely close to what happened to me with my teacher. Is that what this is? Yeah to a much much lesser degree but did I just get used again?
I don't even wanna get into the hell I went through dealing with the councilors at the clinic after this happened. I just say dispite all I've been through I've never been suicidal before. Not until now. It want that I felt completely abandoned at the clinic but of the four referrals she gave me at termination 2 of them weren't even accepting new clients, after 2 sessions the 3rd said she couldn't work with me cause I was still actively using ( I didn't really like her anyway, and the 4th omg - just - NO. The way she was talking about fees I felt like I was negotiating the price of a used car, not therapy. It was bad.....for real I'd pay that woman $150.00 NOT to see her. I decided to write an ethics complaint of my own to the NASW not the DPH of my state cause my pointbisnt to get her into trouble my point is - she can't be doing this to people. She's gonna get someone to the point where they're gonna hurt themselves or maybe even her. It's like she just doesn't get it. She lied and mitigates so she doesn't have to deal with guilt or confrontation. I really could go on and on but I gotta go. I was just wondering if there was anyone else who's gone through this process before. I'm so overwhelmed. I feel like this is all my fault some how and at the same time I'm furious at her for putting me through this. I don't know how I feel so confused please help

[precaryous]

I’m sorry you are going through this.

I’m not clear what the complaint with the SW is about? Is the complaint about her revealing too much (her dream)? Is it about her initiating contact with you? Is it about her sexualizing therapy, especially knowing you’ve been exploited before?

My guess is by now she is being legally advised not to talk to you. She’s trying to protect herself. I understand you wanted to protect her, too, for a time. But if she sexualized therapy with you, it wouldn’t much matter to the state board if you tried to defend her; in my case, I maintained the exploiter was a ‘good man who just made a mistake’ until I realized what he had really done to me. The medical board saw beyond my initial feelings and eventually revoked his license.

[precaryous]

Also, the therapist having a sexual dream about you is NOT your fault. The therapist confiding in you that she had a sexual dream about you is NOT your fault. You are not in charge of the SW’s thoughts, words or dreams at all.

[Whalen84]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Also, the therapist having a sexual dream about you is NOT your fault. The therapist confiding in you that she had a sexual dream about you is NOT your fault. You are not in charge of the SW’s thoughts, words or dreams at all.

Oh man, I'm sorry you've delt with this type of thing. Sounds like it went even farther then my situation. Im so sorry. Yeah the complaints basis was about the dream mainly. As I wrote i didn't go to my states Department of Health ( There is no SW board in my state it's all under the DPH) I made the complaint through the NASW so there were specific ethical codes I had to put down that she broke. It really freaked me out that what she did falls under sexual Harrassment. It didn't feel like being sexually harrassed, it just felt like a betrail. I didn't mention in the main post but when I tried to talk to her about the dream she denied what she said. I so wish I came at her differently. I wish instead of txing her I called her and told her that I had to speak with her. I should have been more insistant. But so much of the problem has been her inability to understand there is a problem. It took me talking to her on the phone during one of the hr. long conversations I had with her for her to admit what she said again.
Thank you so much for responding it seems like you totally understand that feeling of having been sexually used but still feeling the need to protect the person who did it. I'm talking more about my teacher with that but I hate how familiar it feels when I think about my therapist. I hate that so much.
I think you're right about a lawyer telling her not to talk to me and I really appreciate you understand that. Thanks so much for replying

[Deejay14]

It's in no way your fault that the therapist had a sexual dream about you, but it is her fault that she even told you about that. That puts up a red flag for me. What possible therapeutic outcome can be gained by her sharing this with you? If you filed a complaint she could be in big trouble. Honestly be glad she terminated with you. No telling what else she may have done.

[Salmon77]

It sounds like she behaved in a really inappropriate manner towards you. I can't think of any good reason for a T to tell a client about her dreams at all, much less sexual ones involving the client. While it's clear you're having a rough time I think in the long run it's good that there's an ethics complaint against this woman. Also, it sounds like you've been in a really difficult place and pretty vulnerable—this is in no way your fault. A T or SW should be prepared to deal with that and keep their own issues separate.

[Fuzzybear]

Omg.. how inappropriate. No, it isn’t your fault

[Whalen84]

Thank you for responding. I guess what I meant by being my fault is because i wish after she told me I had been more insistent about talking to her about how uncomfortable and confused her telling me that made me. There's a part of me, the logical common sense part of me that totally understands what you mean. God knows what other crazy **** she might put me through if I kept seeing her. There's obviously something wrong with her. But this other part of me is just can't get this through my head. It's literally driving me crazy. Maybe once I get an answer from the NASW I might get some peace. My anxiety is so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. I was so sure I went to the ER. They ran a bunch of tests - nothing was wrong with me. I don't know what's gonna happen to her. I don't think she'll get her licence taken away - I hate that there's a part of me that still cares about her. Why? She obviously doesn't care about me. Her references were for total ****. There was no continuation of care for me. Thank God for my husband being so kind and patient with me. I probably would have tried to kill myself again if he wasn't around. I used to take so much pride in the fact I was never suicidal. All that's gone now. I learned a lot about myself. I didn't talk about what happened with my teacher for 13 years. I had just finished tell this social worker all the hard parts. I was just at the beginning point of being able to find peace with all that and now there's a whole new problem. And like you said - WHAT THE HELL did she think I'd get out of knowing about this dream?. Anyway thank you for responding. These responses are very helpful to me. I look at them when I start doubting myself. Anyway thanks so much

[junkDNA]

it's not your fault

[Anne2.0]

I'm really sorry for whatever you went through. The T's behavior and communication and boundary crossings/breakings are always their responsibility. Her ethics complaint will either rise or fall on her, it is not on you. Even if you threw yourself naked at her (in a forest), it's her job to act professionally and focus on your therapy no matter what. No matter what you do, her professional response is up to her. If she's not professional or ethical, she can and should be held responsible for her actions.

Your behavior here is not the problem, back in high school or now. I hope you will find your peace with it. It's not about you. Exploitation is exploitation, and those who are looking to take advantage of the vulnerable ones under their care often target those who have been exploited before.