[Petra5ed]

I had a breakthrough on Friday and saw how I was keeping myself in this toxic cycle of depressed thought. One negative thought triggers a cascade of negative thought patterns and memories. One slight triggers all my memories of being slighted, triggers my depressed theme all over. Now how do I break the cycle?

I'm so desperate to be loved, that I am unlovable. So desperate for love that I fall in love with a therapist. So desperate, that I am not even sure who I am anymore, or if I've ever known what's really me vs what is me just wanting to be loved. At the very least I'm annoyingly self-centered! My gut is a mess, I cant stop crying, or holding my breath. I am paying for it, I am trying. Sorry pity party is over now, but has anyone else ever felt like this? Anyone able to break the cycle?

I know many here are not fans of behavioral therapies like CBT/REBT/DBT, but that is exactly what they work on. Understanding my thought patterns and the cycle of thinking and old mistaken beliefs about myself that kept me in depression was really important to my being able to break those thought patterns and build healthier ones. The mood and emotions followed behind. It doesn't have to be done exclusively behaviorally, but learning and working through those skills can be really helpful. And there are different types of behavioral approaches to suit different clients' needs.

[JustShakey]

I desperately want to post a Ghostbusters gif on this thread

I hear you Petra. For me it's 'so desperate to be loved that I deny myself and become whatever the other person wants me to be'.
I'm with Sierra on this one. I think the only way out of the thought spiral is to learn to recognize it and interrupt it before it gets out of hand. It's not as easy as it sounds though, because those negative thoughts seem to be like addictions...

[stopdog]

I have ghostbusters theme song stuck in my head now.

Sorry you are having a rough time.

[rainboots87]

CBT and DBT helped tremendously in me not hating myself and just wanting to die to get away from the pain.

One simple thing my T told me that helped, though, was just because I think it's true doesn't mean it is. She was trying to get me to entertain the thought that even when I believed all the horrible things I said about myself, to just consider that maybe those things weren't true. Just maybe I wasn't as awful as I believed. It took some time, but it was something simple yet powerful for me.

[sweepy62]

Sorry you are feeling this way, I understand for me life hurts it feels like I'm carrying ten thousand bricks, but I'm not depressed , I'm very annoyed irritable and angry.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Desperate? I think when we experience very young feelings as an adult, they do feel huge. If you can put yourself in the adult role and nurse the 'desperation', life seems right sized

[Wysteria]

I know the correct answer is "myself"....

But the real answer is that I live with the pain every day and sometimes it is minute to minute or hour to hour or just sometimes during the day. Yes, sometimes it is cyclical or triggered, but often it just seems to come AT me.....

Often, I write and if it makes any sense or there are connection or events that I don't know how to handle, I email T to help me understand them.

I can use lots of DBT tools...distraction, watching thoughts go by, tolerance, etc....but sometimes I just can NOT make them work in the moment.

I know this is NOT the right answer, but it is the truth and even Bill Murray can't help me. I want to learn how to NOT be triggered, and T helps me. But I do try. I just have to borrow his hope sometimes that it will be sooner rather than later.
WB

WB