would this be stalking?

Jordy · Jun 09, 2014 at 07:35 AM

On Thursday I've got this appointment with a new psychologist, it's an evaluation to see if I'm eligible for a group home. I'm really nervous about this, and already googled that T. I've found out she's a competitive rider, as is scheduled to ride this afternoon at a competition not too far from my home. I was thinking about going, just to see what she looks like, what her horse is like, how she rides and just generally getting an idea about who she is.

But the more I think about it, so more I think this may be over the top, especially as most people don't have access to this information, I only do because I'm also a registered rider...

What do you think? Should I stay at home, or go and check her out?

Jun 09, 2014 at 07:54 AM

Stay home

HazelGirl · Jun 09, 2014 at 08:02 AM

Go! Please go! Don't allow your fear to talk you out of this! It's so good for you!

And no, it's not stalking. I have googled my T several times, and I don't feel guilty about it at all.

Bells129 · Jun 09, 2014 at 08:02 AM

I don't know about stalking, but I think it would be taking things a bit too far across the boundary line we have with our therapists if you were to go somewhere specifically to see her without her knowledge.

Leah123 · Jun 09, 2014 at 08:04 AM

I would probably skip the event but tell the therapist I was so nervous about meeting her and about this transition in my life that I was tempted to see her ride, just to quell the first-meeting nerves. That will help her appreciate how anxious you're feeling so she can help you.

However, regarding your question, no, it is not stalking to see someone in a public event, even one that's not widely advertised. Watching her ride won't do her any harm. Would be different to google her home address and go stare in the window, which might scare her. Still... I don't think it's best.

HazelGirl · Jun 09, 2014 at 08:06 AM

Oops. I thought you were asking about whether to go to your appointment, not whether to go to the event. I think it's really up to you.

Jordy · Jun 09, 2014 at 08:09 AM

thanks for your opinion, and I think I'll stay home today. I already feel bad enough for knowing her horse's name, and all... no need to add more guilt.

Also, I've been thinking about the last few times I went to one of these events, I always ended up suicidal because I missed competing with my own horses so much. Riding is the only thing I was ever good at, and I get so jealous and hurt when I see other people competing, while I can't even go on a leisurely ride anymore with my boys. Even if that T wasn't there, going would only cause me harm... so no I won't go, even though I'm really tempted to!

UnderRugSwept · Jun 09, 2014 at 08:11 AM

I don't think it's a good idea to go just to see her...if you were planning to go already and found out she was going to be there, I would say go anyway, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. I wouldn't call it "stalking" either way, though...I just don't think it's in your best interest for you to go. I doubt you would feel less nervous just by seeing her ride. I think you are nervous re: this big upcoming change in your life, and that you should definitely tell her when you meet her!

stopdog · Jun 09, 2014 at 08:18 AM

I would not consider it stalking. But it sounds like it is more than just checking her out to go to such an event for you.

Jun 09, 2014 at 09:00 AM

You're already feeling guilty - therefore it seems more than casually going to check her out. The problem with guilt is that later on when you know her better you might feel the need to confess, then it will lead to an awkward horrible conversation about boundaries and compulsiveness, which could all be avoided by using discretion. I don't see the harm in bringing up your feelings about the whole thing when you meet. But if you're feeling like it's stalking it probably is.

HazelGirl · Jun 09, 2014 at 09:06 AM

CK, it doesn't sound like Jordy will see this T more than once. So confessing doesn't sound like something she will need to do.

Jordy · Jun 09, 2014 at 11:21 AM

I've decided to stay home and played trivial pursuit with my mom to keep my mind off things.

And yes, I think it was more than just checking her out, see I've studied horses at university and they're really my area of expertise. I think I wanted to see how good a rider she is, and hopefully prove myself I'm better than her in at least one area. This would have allowed me to not feel quite as vulnerable...

My T also has horses, and whenever I help her out with hers, I feel so much better about myself, like for once I'm not the one needing T, but T is the one needing me. This doesn't happen often, as she only once or twice asked me for help or advice and never during the actual session. But while chit chatting, if I can give her any advice I will gladly do so.

sweepy62 · Jun 09, 2014 at 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Oops. I thought you were asking about whether to go to your appointment, not whether to go to the event. I think it's really up to you.

lol lol lol omg i was wondering about your reply, its totally not you, i almost choked on my coffee, dont do that to meeeeeeeeee lmao

HazelGirl · Jun 09, 2014 at 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweepy62

lol lol lol omg i was wondering about your reply, its totally not you, i almost choked on my coffee, dont do that to meeeeeeeeee lmao

Lol! Sorry to scare you Sweepy! That's what I get for not reading carefully enough!

sweepy62 · Jun 09, 2014 at 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Lol! Sorry to scare you Sweepy! That's what I get for not reading carefully enough!

Its ok, you made me laugh today thank you for the scare and the laugh lol

RTerroni · Jun 09, 2014 at 12:04 PM

Probably would be stalking, I would at least talk to her about it first.

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Anonymous200375 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 09, 2014 at 07:54 AM #2 Stay home
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HazelGirl Elder Member Since Jan 2014 Location: USA Posts: 5,248 10 91 hugs given	Jun 09, 2014 at 08:02 AM #3 Go! Please go! Don't allow your fear to talk you out of this! It's so good for you! And no, it's not stalking. I have googled my T several times, and I don't feel guilty about it at all. __________________ HazelGirl PTSD, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety Propranolol 10mg as needed for anxiety, Wellbutrin XL 150mg
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Bells129 Member Member Since Jun 2014 Location: The Shire Posts: 355 10 130 hugs given	Jun 09, 2014 at 08:02 AM #4 I don't know about stalking, but I think it would be taking things a bit too far across the boundary line we have with our therapists if you were to go somewhere specifically to see her without her knowledge.
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HazelGirl Elder Member Since Jan 2014 Location: USA Posts: 5,248 10 91 hugs given	Jun 09, 2014 at 08:06 AM #6 Oops. I thought you were asking about whether to go to your appointment, not whether to go to the event. I think it's really up to you. __________________ HazelGirl PTSD, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety Propranolol 10mg as needed for anxiety, Wellbutrin XL 150mg
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HazelGirl Elder Member Since Jan 2014 Location: USA Posts: 5,248 10 91 hugs given	Jun 09, 2014 at 09:06 AM #11 CK, it doesn't sound like Jordy will see this T more than once. So confessing doesn't sound like something she will need to do. __________________ HazelGirl PTSD, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety Propranolol 10mg as needed for anxiety, Wellbutrin XL 150mg
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RTerroni Elder Member Since Sep 2013 Location: USA Posts: 5,751 11 2,136 hugs given	Jun 09, 2014 at 12:04 PM #16 Probably would be stalking, I would at least talk to her about it first. __________________ COVID-19 Survivor- 4/26/2022
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