[rainbow8]

I think I did it once in the past, and now I did it again. I just felt like it. I write "love" to family and close friends. It suddenly seems normal to do that with my T. It doesn't seem like a big deal, and THAT is progress! Still, I wonder what she will think. I wrote "that word slipped out" after I wrote it but kept it there. I don't want to tell her I love her, just sign emails that way.

[Mactastic]

No, but I have told him I "therapy love" him. He knows what I can't actually say. I once signed an email "All my therapy-love,"

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[HazelGirl]

No. Nope. Can't do it.

I once ended a text with an abbreviation of my christian name which prompted a discussion on over-familiarity. I tried to explain i was just lazy but T thought i was trying to initiate a friendship. So i wouldn't ever, ever sign an email with 'love' it would just result in confusing discussions.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

I once ended a text with an abbreviation of my christian name which prompted a discussion on over-familiarity. I tried to explain i was just lazy but T thought i was trying to initiate a friendship. So i wouldn't ever, ever sign an email with 'love' it would just result in confusing discussions.

Wow. That seems like an over-reaction on T's part!

[stopdog]

I rarely sign off with "love" to those I do love. I cannot imagine it with a therapist.

[CantExplain]

I always sign "love" to Madame T.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

I once ended a text with an abbreviation of my christian name which prompted a discussion on over-familiarity. I tried to explain i was just lazy but T thought i was trying to initiate a friendship. So i wouldn't ever, ever sign an email with 'love' it would just result in confusing discussions.

Your T sounds hyper-vigilant. Her back is up and her toes are dug in. This is worse than Madame T!

[feralkittymom]

No. Not because there isn't love, but because it is not something he would ever do, and I respect his generational comfort level of formality. "Fondly" is as far as he will go. I did sign a condolence letter "With my love" but that was exceptional.

[Gavinandnikki]

All the time.

[deepestwaters40]

I've never signed "love" at the end of my emails with T but just last week I did tell her for the first time I feel like in a sense that I do love her. I shared my heart and she understood and explained how she wanted our sessions to be a non-judgmental place for me to explore my feelings, including ones for her. She was very understanding about it which was a huge comfort.

Honestly though, I don't think I would ever write "love" at the end of my emails to her. I kind of love her like an older sister and I don't even usually write "love" with my family in casual emails. That's just me though. I would feel free to do so if you feel comfortable. If you have a good T I'm sure they understand. I'm pretty sure they know that at certain point when the relationship has built a lot of trust and stuff this kind of thing naturally happens.

Let it run it's course and be how it is. At least that's how my T and I would think of it

[rainbow8]

My t wouldn't do it either though she wrote "love n hugs" on my birthday card we made together the first year. I know she won't mind that I want to write it but I probably will bring it up to be sure. It's a warm feeling and more normal than being "in love". I think it's more real and not transference.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

I once ended a text with an abbreviation of my christian name which prompted a discussion on over-familiarity. I tried to explain i was just lazy but T thought i was trying to initiate a friendship. So i wouldn't ever, ever sign an email with 'love' it would just result in confusing discussions.

Your T got weird because you used a nickname or shortened version of your name, instead of your full name? Am I understanding correctly? I agree with hazelgirl that's kind of extreme.

Originally Posted by AllyIsHopeful

Your T got weird because you used a nickname or shortened version of your name, instead of your full name? Am I understanding correctly? I agree with hazelgirl that's kind of extreme.

yep, he certainly did. I thought it was a bit overboard too.

[clairelisbeth]

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

I once ended a text with an abbreviation of my christian name which prompted a discussion on over-familiarity. I tried to explain i was just lazy but T thought i was trying to initiate a friendship. So i wouldn't ever, ever sign an email with 'love' it would just result in confusing discussions.

Wow-that's kind of an intense response on the part of your T! I often sign emails with my first initial (Claire isn't my real name....I couldn't think of a username, so I combined two names from shows that I am currently netflix-ing )....I've definitely done this with T and I doubt that it even registered with her.

I probably wouldn't have the guts to sign an email to T "love"....I still haven't actually told her that I love her (even though I do, and I'm sure she realizes). On one occasion, I said something like "because you know, um, that I adore you...." I know that my T would handle it gently, but broaching that subject is HARD, as we all know....maybe one day, I'll find the courage.

That the only way I sign my messages to her, and she uses love salutations to me. We wouldn't have it any other way. This is therapy love. Every once in a while my inner child has a need to say, "I love you," to her. It's a very rare need, but it has happened two or three times since therapy terminated. The first time I told her I didn't know how appropriate it was to send an I love you message. She responded with, "Who doesn't want to hear that they are loved by someone. I love you too." Sometimes we also say it on the phone.

I wish more therapist were okay with this if their clients need it.

[brillskep]

In my language, we don't sign with "love". Our equivalent is something like "dearly". I usually sign like that, though it took me a while to have the courage. My T signs his emails with "dearly" sometimes too (half the time or a little more than that) though he didn't do it from the beginning either. My T also says this often to me instead of you're welcome. Long story with our language. I wonder if we'd sign "Love"if we were native English speakers.

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

yep, he certainly did. I thought it was a bit overboard too.

I certainly understand that. Especially, the out of respect for your elders. My mom left a doctor that she loves ~30 years ago, because a staff memberreferred to her by her first name. She has since gone back to him, because he still has great skills. They all call her Mrs. So and So... Maybe because she's a senior citizen now?

I have been invited by former teachers, friends parents, friends of my parents, etc to call them by their first name, and I just can't do it.

All the time. So does she.

[Asiablue]

never! I think she's want a conversation about it if I did. Or maybe she's just kinda ignore it... but not encourage it.Maybe I should do it as a test (cos my relationship with her isn't going thru enough right now haha)

[scorpiosis37]

I do love my T (platonically) and I believe she feels the same way, but we've never discussed it. I've never signed an e-mail to her with "love." I usually sign "warmly," as does she. I've never said "I love you" to her, but I did tell her (early on) that my ex-partner harped on me for saying that "I love my T" or "I love therapy." She said that my ex just didn't understand the therapy relationship, and that she didn't think there was anything wrong or unusual about what I said. However, she kept the conversation focused on my relationship with my ex-partner, and never addressed my relationship with her. I think because my love for her is strictly platonic, she doesn't feel the need for a more in depth conversation. However, I do think discussing it would be helpful. I just think it's a bit of an awkward thing to bring up. I have caught myself saying things like "I mean, I love you and all, but when you see me at X, please don't introduce yourself as my T." That just came out naturally, and she didn't seem to have any reaction to it-- she just said: "Of course; I would never disclose how I know you." It's not a big deal and I think I've already made it clear that I do love her in a "she's-my-therapist" kind of way-- and I think she feels the same-- but it might be nice to actually hear her say that. Of course, I don't know her beliefs on using the word "love" in therapy. She often expresses how much she cares for me, she's just never used the word love. We have talked about maternal transference & counter-transference, but we've never used the word love. However, I do think she shows love through her actions. In fact, somewhat to my surprise, she agreed to attend an important event in my life and be "one of my people." She said that it was only fitting that she be there, as she is one of the people who is always "in my corner." So, whether she would use the word "love" or not, I think her actions demonstrate love or caring or whatever you want to call it.

[Raging Quiet]

My t usually mirrors back how I sign off; usually it's 'Regards' but once I sent her an email after a procedure at the hospital and she sent back 'Love T' on her reply.

[anilam]

Hm, in my tongue signing love XY is quite old fashioned- snail mail only and stg my grandma would write.

With close friends/family we use yours XY and no, I would never use that with my T. It is a business RL after all. I do care about him after 7yr, feel close to him and even like him but when push comes to shove I still am only one of his clients and pay him for spending his time with me.
So we both sign our texts/mails using our initials only or with take care.

[AllyIsHopeful]

I don't email but I have used hearts in texts and cards that I give her say <3Ally.

[HazelGirl]

Some people have mentioned that their T's love them as well, and I wanted to say that although I couldn't bring myself to say I love my T (in a platonic way), I think she might love me in the same way. She says things like she knows that so many people love me, that she cares about me, that it's through love and empathy that people become whole, and that she wouldn't ever purposely hurt me. Also, her actions and responses reflect love for me. I don't think she would ever actually say she loved me, but I do think her words and actions reflect a love (or at least a care and dedication) towards me.