[melania]

When I started to take 5 meds they really helped me to exist and to do things what I like, to live, to work, to be with friends, to not think about my t anymore.
But now... The mounth or maybe two mounths had pass and I'm fallen back in unbearable pain and it's too hard to even work.
So hard, just don't know why, it's hard to live when I know that everything we had is over.
Now these words- only as your doctor - is killing me. Yeah, it's over now. I can't breath and I can't forget what we had, I would die just to be in his arms again but it's just memories.

Meds are good way to hide from myself that I still love him but it doesn't help me anymore, I'm falling down again.
I don't even need someone to talk about it because everything has spoken.

I went to parties every weekend and get drunk, there always were some boys but I see them like brothers.

This forum never helped me, I'm sure I will regret I write here again.

I feel sorry for you all who are dying inside from wanting to feel t's love.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

When I started to take 5 meds they really helped me to exist and to do things what I like, to live, to work, to be with friends, to not think about my t anymore.
But now... The mounth or maybe two mounths had pass and I'm fallen back in unbearable pain and it's too hard to even work.
So hard, just don't know why, it's hard to live when I know that everything we had is over.
Now these words- only as your doctor - is killing me. Yeah, it's over now. I can't breath and I can't forget what we had, I would die just to be in his arms again but it's just memories.

Meds are good way to hide from myself that I still love him but it doesn't help me anymore, I'm falling down again.
I don't even need someone to talk about it because everything has spoken.

I went to parties every weekend and get drunk, there always were some boys but I see them like brothers.

This forum never helped me, I'm sure I will regret I write here again.

I feel sorry for you all who are dying inside from wanting to feel t's love.

Have you been able to find another T to help you through the abuse from your previous one?

[melania]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Have you been able to find another T to help you through the abuse from your previous one?

I'm seeing pdoc

[HazelGirl]

Is your Pdoc also giving you therapy? And have you talked to him/her about what you have been feeling?

Medications won't make the pain go away. They may hide it, but they won't make it stop existing.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. But now is the time to get proper help and start to heal from the things your past T put you through.

[nottrustin]

I must have missed something...are you no longer seeing T or just realizing that the only relationship you can have with T is a professional one??

[melania]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Is your Pdoc also giving you therapy? And have you talked to him/her about what you have been feeling?

Medications won't make the pain go away. They may hide it, but they won't make it stop existing.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain. But now is the time to get proper help and start to heal from the things your past T put you through.

It's hard to talk, I'm locked inside (if it's right word) and can't get these words out of me. I feel too stupid.

I talked to priest about it and I would like to talk to him again but I'm afraid I'm asking priest to act like my psychologist because it's not his job.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

It's hard to talk, I'm locked inside (if it's right word) and can't get these words out of me. I feel too stupid.

I talked to priest about it and I would like to talk to him again but I'm afraid I'm asking priest to act like my psychologist because it's not his job.

I am so sorry. I do understand the feeling of being locked up inside your head. Could you write some of it down and give it to your Pdoc?

You're right about the priest. They are good listeners, but they don't have the skills or knowledge to help you psychologically.

[melania]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

I must have missed something...are you no longer seeing T or just realizing that the only relationship you can have with T is a professional one??

He is away now and will be back only in August, I dont know what to answer to you...
But I mean we are not lovers (or something like that) anymore but I still could see him as my therapist when he'll be back.

[melania]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I am so sorry. I do understand the feeling of being locked up inside your head. Could you write some of it down and give it to your Pdoc?

You're right about the priest. They are good listeners, but they don't have the skills or knowledge to help you psychologically.

I trust the priest and feel free when we talk but when I talk to my pdoc I'm too anxious and she writes almost every word I say, too personal things. It's so hard to talk to female but she is okay like a doc.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

I trust the priest and feel free when we talk but when I talk to my pdoc I'm too anxious and she writes almost every word I say, too personal things. It's so hard to talk to female but she is okay like a doc.

Melania, I really think it would be good to find a T whom you feel comfortable around, and whom you can talk to about everything that is going on with your other T. Can you see how he's hurting you? And how it's so bad for you?

[melania]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Melania, I really think it would be good to find a T whom you feel comfortable around, and whom you can talk to about everything that is going on with your other T. Can you see how he's hurting you? And how it's so bad for you?

It's hard to find at first time the person who I can trust, I have seen three pdocs and the last one is okay.

He's not hurting me anymore, he is away and I miss him too much

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by melania

It's hard to find at first time the person who I can trust, I have seen three pdocs and the last one is okay.

He's not hurting me anymore, he is away and I miss him too much

But his lack of presence is so overwhelming that you're in immense pain. And he has already harmed you a lot in the past. I am so sorry you are suffering so much and I do understand it's hard to find someone to trust. Don't give up.