Interesting blog about therapists who cry in session

Please Pass The Kleenex ? Live Oak Blog
I really enjoyed the therapists transparency and honesty.

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Nice article, and common sense: you can't make absolute rules about therapists crying. I mean, it isn't like they plan it or can even necessarily control it if and when it happens. It's what they do with it that is important. Are they tuned into how the client is reacting to their tears?

I know the one time I was really aware of him crying, my T shared with me how my experience recalled his own experience which set off his tears. It was a point where I really felt he understood the depth of the pain I was in because he had experienced similar pain. It was appropriately and authentically revealed and handled. (Unlike therapists who would just sort of blurt out "I understand what you went through because I went through blah, blah, blah in my past too." That kind of reveal always seemed false, ill-timed, and inappropriate.)

A few appointments ago, I was talking to my T about some very difficult things. But I didn't look at her the whole appointment because I can't look at her when I am talking about difficult things. But when I went to leave, I looked at her to say goodbye, and she looked so sad. It was so overwhelming to me, and I had to look away and stare at her hands instead of her face. I couldn't handle the idea that she was sad for me, to the point that I could tell just by looking at her.

I agree, it's the way it's handled is most important! When a therapist can have real empathy and can experience our pain along with us, I think that would be magical but for some it would be a disaster. It would be interpreted as making someone else sad and having to take care of them or like the man in the piece the realisation that their past was a very sad and painful time!

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My t is very attuned to my feelings and I have seen her sad and angry with some disclosure of c sa , so I can see her shed tears, I'm not prepared for it but if it happens , she is human.

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I would tell them to get a grip on themselves. And probably not go back.

Ah! You are SO harsh! Our therapists are humans with real feelings! Cut them some slack please.

It appears they have more than enough people cutting them slack from the responses I see on boards like this. Surely they can tolerate me not doing so.
I expect them to keep their humanness and feelings to themselves for the time I pay them for.

I did however enjoy the kleenex discussion that appeared in the blog. It appears some of them do give it thought. Not a universal consensus, but that it gets discussed was certainly apparent.

A left a T because she cried in session. It was our 10th session, I didn't care about her, she didn't care about me and it all felt fake and manipulative. Since then I prefer male Ts.
I'm with mine for 7yr now, he never cried and knows I wouldn't appreciate it. And no I don't think I'm being harsh.

Thanks for sharing this. I had an experience where after a difficult session for me where lots was explained in simple detail (though simple was still pretty bad) that gave me a kind of insight into t's vulnerability and humanhood. I left feeling okay, though what we had talked about was tough, and then spontaneously returned to her office to tell her something. In the time it had taken me to walk out and back in, she had sat on the couch begun to cry. They weren't waterfall tears, but obvious enough that hiding them was not possible, and it shocked me to see them. We didn't discuss what was happening at that point, we later talked about how I had felt seeing her in that state, but I thought about it my entire walk home. At first I hated myself for bringing something to her that was too terrible to handle, but after awhile I was able to see that this was not only a normal but good response from her. When we later talked about what had happened I explained how it made me feel better about telling her things knowing that she wouldn't allow herself to bottle things up, and that she felt safe enough to cry about it so so should I. I think t's ability to express their feelings is such a good thing, but I can understand how it could make people very uncomfortable and really hurt a therapy relationship.

A very nice article. I forgot that my therapist cried, and she'd a few tears when we hit some precarious moments in my therapy., and tears of joy when we terminated.

Thank you for this, monalisasmile.

One session I had my son with me as I had no childcare, and he was occupied by a movie with headphones(we still kept the talk not deep at all)......and after watching me interact with my boy I noticed that he had tears in his eyes. I asked him why and he said he was touched at how attuned to my boy I was and that it touched him, knowing my history of never having seen that. I offered him tissues and he kindly told me no, and that he was ok with crying.

He has had tears in his eyes one other time about something personal that he explained to me...it was appropriate and very touching that he trusted me enough to be vulnerable like that.

I agree with this sentiment. I don't think that the therapist's tears are always inappropriate (I think they can have therapeutic benefit in some situations) but I agree completely that the therapist has to check their 'humanity' at the door in some aspects.

For instance, it is human to get angry with a person but I expect my T to not show anger towards me. It can be human to become sexually aroused when hearing intimate stories but I expect the T to keep that in check.

There are a lot of aspects of being human that we expect our therapists to subdue during the session and crying (unless it has benefit for the client) is one of them for me.

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"check their 'humanity' at the door"

. . . sometimes easier said than done . . .

I don't think they can check their humanity at the door or get rid of their feelings, but I do think they have to be strong and controlled enough to monitor whether the client knows about it.

Does she hug you? Or is that against her "rules?"

And to answer the original question....I think, actually, I would be touched by it. I wouldn't see it as non professional or beyond boundaries....they are human too. I think it would touch me deeply, and I would have even more respect for her.

Yes, she does hug me. If I remember correctly, I practically ran out the door at that appointment before she gave me a hug goodbye, though.

Mine hasn't cried, and if he did, I would be worried about him...if I was crying maybe it would be different but I haven't really cried in front of T.

I agree with this. And of course therapists are human and have emotions, but a client has the right to not go back to them if their crying causes distress for the client. Therapy should be about the client, not the therapist.