[GenCat]

I am noticing this more and more each day it seems. The more that happens with T, the more anxiety and depression gets to me. Why do I feel like things must be all in order with T in order to go about my life happier and not be constantly reminded of T and our problems? When my therapeutic relationship is not stable, I, as a person am not stable.

[SoupDragon]

I wonder if this is a case of what came first the chicken or the egg? When your therapy is not stable you are not stable vs when you are not stable your therapy feels unstable?

Saying that, I know how important (and fragile) my own relationship is with my T and if I do have a bad session it can play around in my mind for days afterwards and impact on other things in my life.

Maybe it is also about having a secure base (place?) from which to go about your day to day life.

Take care Soup

[precaryous]

Gen, what kinds of things are going on with T? This would make me anxious, too!

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Gen, what kinds of things are going on with T? This would make me anxious, too!

Oh dear, its a long story. I guess there is the big issues of her boundaries. Also being friends but not. She sees me as this person which I see not of myself. She has told me things about herself that make me love her more (which she knows because I told her). Everything I try to get answers to she just brushes it off like its no big deal. She told to go dancing with her one time, and I did, and that made things worse. I feel its not "therapy" anymore, its friends, with me going to her and looking up to her. I feel I cannot open myself up to her, never have felt I could, and so I just create this picture of what I think she wants to see. Sometimes we text for hours in a day, then others I do not hear from her for days. And Thursday she canceled my appointment 40 mins till without rescheduling or telling me why. I got so confused, worried, mad, I literally cried most of the day. I don't know what to do or how to get out without breaking my heart. But I feel our relationship is not where its suppose to be at and I have loads of people telling me its her fault and that shes a bad T. I think its my fault, and that she just doesn't know how to handle me. That I can be very manipulative and like to play with peoples emotions and get what I want. Shes only been in practice for 4 years, and ive been seeing her for a year. Shes really helped me a lot, but shes also gave me more to worry about with myself, and created more problems than whats getting solved. She has this weird thing about her, where she says she cant really help me, only direct me in a possible correct path. I know Ts cant fix the problems but she makes its drag out so long and never addresses the same topic more than once. I don't know what to do.

Sounds like you already know what you need to do. You already realize this isn't a healthy therapy relationship that is improving matters for you. You realize this relationship complicates your life because of the loose boundaries. What you have to decide is whether therapy for you is about you truly improving your life and moving forward or if it is about this one relationship and staying stuck in it.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by GenCat

Oh dear, its a long story. I guess there is the big issues of her boundaries. Also being friends but not. She sees me as this person which I see not of myself. She has told me things about herself that make me love her more (which she knows because I told her). Everything I try to get answers to she just brushes it off like its no big deal. She told to go dancing with her one time, and I did, and that made things worse. I feel its not "therapy" anymore, its friends, with me going to her and looking up to her. I feel I cannot open myself up to her, never have felt I could, and so I just create this picture of what I think she wants to see. Sometimes we text for hours in a day, then others I do not hear from her for days. And Thursday she canceled my appointment 40 mins till without rescheduling or telling me why. I got so confused, worried, mad, I literally cried most of the day. I don't know what to do or how to get out without breaking my heart. But I feel our relationship is not where its suppose to be at and I have loads of people telling me its her fault and that shes a bad T. I think its my fault, and that she just doesn't know how to handle me. That I can be very manipulative and like to play with peoples emotions and get what I want. Shes only been in practice for 4 years, and ive been seeing her for a year. Shes really helped me a lot, but shes also gave me more to worry about with myself, and created more problems than whats getting solved. She has this weird thing about her, where she says she cant really help me, only direct me in a possible correct path. I know Ts cant fix the problems but she makes its drag out so long and never addresses the same topic more than once. I don't know what to do.

Friendship is a two way street where each person does something for each other. Therapy can feel like friendship and you can actually do things for your therapist but if she has good boundaries she will tell you thank you, she is fine, complete and can take care of herself. She is there for you..for your best interest. She doesn't need you to take care of her, you can feel friendly but cannot be friends in the true sense of the word.

Also, although I know it happens that some T's invite their patients to social functions outside the therapy room, it isn't ethical for her to do so.

She sounds scattered. Therapy should be a stabilizing relationship where you feel safe. Therapy should be about what is in your best interest. Therapy should be about getting your needs met. Warning signs of therapy gone awry are when you no longer examine core issues or resolve them...and the therapist does not have your best interest at heart. Additionally, you or your insurance is paying for this. Who's needs are being met?

I am sorry this is happening to you.