[ThisWayOut]

Where does everyone get their sense of safety from? If it's from therapy, how can you carry the safety of the therapy experience with you? If from other sources, where do you get it and how do you cultivate it?

I'm having trouble finding emotional safety for myself. I can find it with my current therapist, but I can't seem to carry it with me outside of her office (except for this morning when I was able to picture her keeping me safe while I slept a bit). I want to figure out how to get this...

Please feel free to explain as much or as little as you want... but know that any ideas are greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

(trying to make this a poll, but never done one before, so please bear with me if I screw it up)

My emotional safety comes from a variety of sources. Probably the strongest source of emotional safety has come from my family, my faith, and my friends. Do I always feel emotionally safe? No, but if I allow myself to return and rely on those sources, I can find it again when that sense feels elusive.

I get some sense of safety from my therapist, but honestly, he's further down my list, not because he isn't safe -- he's incredibly safe -- but because I don't spend nearly the amount of time with him as I do with my family, nurturing my faith, and with my friends. When I am feeling most unsafe though, he is often the one I turn to to help me regroup and get back on track.

[kororain]

I don't know. I picked "I never feel emotionally safe" which is basically true. I'm just starting to allow myself to have real emotions, and I'm choosing carefully who to share them with.

I have a friend at work who I feel emotionally safe with. Almost 100%. But I can't lean on him anymore. He knows I still need him sometimes and tries to be there as he is able, but our situation is complicated.

[stopdog]

Myself and knowledge. I make sure to learn and do the things I need to do. I may choose to rely on others but I do not have a need to do so.

I do not get a sense of safety from therapy or the therapist.

[UnderRugSwept]

I always feel "safe" emotionally, but I don't know why exactly. I am pretty much always alone (I prefer it that way because I am very introverted), although I don't feel lonely much at all.

I do have two therapists I see for extreme anxiety and MDD. One of them asked me about feeling "safe" not too long ago and that was when I said that I always feel safe...not ever happy, though, so I guess those two things must not be related for me. Something I will have to explore further, I guess.

Thanks for this thread...I am looking forward to reading more responses.

I don't think I've ever felt safe emotionally or physically. I don't know what that would feel like. I don't expect it in therapy because I have no clue what it is.

[Freewilled]

I chose that I never feel emotionally safe, but I would say some moments I feel safer than others. I'm never totally safe though - not even with T. He's just a human being and even with good intentions, humans hurt others. I'm not sure emotional safety is even really possible

[unaluna]

Good question. I think im just learning the meaning of it with my t. Safe to ask for a glass of water, safe to look around the room - safe to get my needs met and not be intruded upon. Those are new things for me. So maybe i can stop building barriers (of fat, of hoarding, of attitude, of isolation) around myself.

Feel safe with our t only.

I get my emotional safety from other sources (please explain in comments)

Only when I'm physically held by someone.

[stopdog]

I don 't find that the presence of others contributes to safety for me. It can make me feel less safe, but not more.

Originally Posted by skies

Only when I'm physically held by someone.

I had to reconsider this. I do feel safe with my therapist; it's just not 100% of the time because of the transference and flashbacks that occur in sessions at times. so I think that counts.

[clairelisbeth]

I get a sense of emotional safety from my two best friends, my dad, my t and pdoc and sometimes from myself (more so as time goes on).

[JustShakey]

When I need to feel safe I withdraw. I never feel truly safe around people, not even family.
T says I need to take some risks. He's right, I know, but in the past I have taken risks with the wrong people and it's gotten me hurt. Internet forums are about as risky as I'm willing to get.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JaneC]

Originally Posted by hankster

So maybe i can stop building barriers (of fat, of hoarding, of attitude, of isolation) around myself.

Thanks for this.....it made me cry....this is me apart from the hoarding. I only realised recently that my fat is a protective thing. Stupid of me huh?

Safe? not so much, but I am trying......

[Raindropvampire]

I put I never feel emotionally safe because you didn't have an option for only when I'm completely alone. Emotions are just something for other people to use against you. That's one of the first things I can remember learning. The only way you can be completely safe is to be completely alone.

[Depletion]

Interesting thread.

I put that I get emotional safety from more than one source. I feel safest alone, because I feel like there is no one there to hurt me. I also tend to do a lot of research when ever I'm having emotional trouble in order to validate my feelings. For example, after my SA I learned everything I could about PTSD. I also feel safe with my SO. And I feel somewhat safe with my new T, but I've been burned so many times in therapy that I don't trust her the way I trust my SO, or myself.

[feralkittymom]

As a child, I generally only felt safe when alone, but didn't gain safety from myself. As a young adult, I think I felt safe with close friends and alone. Therapy was a process of acquiring the experience of safety in an emotionally intimate relationship with my T. Post therapy, I still have that safety with my T, but internalized, and have extended that sense to those closest to me and with myself.

[tinyrabbit]

I've had trouble answering this as I think my current idea of emotional safety is maladaptive and I have yet to figure out how to truly feel it - but it's not true that I never feel it either.

[ThisWayOut]

I think that's my problem too tinyrabbit. Though, if I admit it, what I do to try to get the safety is not all that safe, nor is the "safety" I get in response to it... but outside of feeling safe in my T's office, I don't feel that way often. I resort to extremes to get an inkling of safety, but even that is really just replaying a lot of past abuse. It's really a frustrating struggle.

[junkDNA]

i feel safe with my T most of the time, or when im alone, or with my mom.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I've had trouble answering this as I think my current idea of emotional safety is maladaptive and I have yet to figure out how to truly feel it - but it's not true that I never feel it either.

I was just wondering what you mean that your way of finding emotional safety is manipulative. I guess this sounds really naive, but when I read this thread I was just kind of thinking that emotional safety is something that you have or your don't, or that occurs in one of the option listed in the poll. But obviously my thinking was overly simplistic. Do you mean that you depend to much on someone for emotional safety, or something like that? Just wondering.