[bounceback]

I tried to call my therapist when I wasn't doing well last week and she never called me back. I wrote and told her that it made me feel like I was just a job to her and she didn't care. I finally got a chance to see her this week. She said she doesn't call people back or anything. She also said that she is not going to split hairs and said I am her job but she is invested in my well being. Too me that doesn't sound like a very caring thing to say but maybe I am wrong. What do you guys think?

[Ford Puma]

Its the same with 90% of them. My T would not call back for 2 days on some things and emails take just as long. The like to keep a certain distance from us I think. If they were to call back too soon it would be like they were letting the client have too much control of things and one thing T's do not like it conceding control.
Just my two pennies worth.

It sounds honest and realistic. T's have a job to do which involves being invested in our well-being.

[HazelGirl]

Hmm...well, if you don't think it's caring, then that's something to tell your T.

I personally would find it reassuring that she is invested in my well-being. I'm okay with being "just" a job, because it complicates things if I try to be more than a client. But that's my perspective and opinion. If it hurts your feelings or offends you, then tell your T that.

[NowhereUSA]

i always say that i like the distance because it means i can say things without drama. they are a third party in my life - they care but they aren't going to drown in my pile of ****. i need it to be a job to him.

it's like my doc. she cares about my health, but i'm still just a patient. but i know by the quality of care she gives me that she's not in it for the money. but a girl's gotta pay the bills

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by bounceback

I tried to call my therapist when I wasn't doing well last week and she never called me back. I wrote and told her that it made me feel like I was just a job to her and she didn't care. I finally got a chance to see her this week. She said she doesn't call people back or anything. She also said that she is not going to split hairs and said I am her job but she is invested in my well being. Too me that doesn't sound like a very caring thing to say but maybe I am wrong. What do you guys think?

I find it odd that your T didn't discuss her boundaries about lack of availability until you were in distress and asked to talk to her. At the beginning of therapy, I feel the T should discuss availability, phone, email, text, when to call 911, what hospital they use, etc.

I'm glad she is invested in your well being, but can you ask her about her availability so you aren't left hanging and feeling bad?

Remember, you may be her job, but you are her employer.
Pre

[brillskep]

For me it would depend on how the therapist said it. I mean, working with clients really is a therapist's job. As far as I see, there are a few possibilities. A therapist may care about the client's well-being genuinely (and at the same time it is their job). A therapist may care about the client's well-being BECAUSE it is their job. A therapist may not care about doing a good job or the client's well-being at all. In my experience, good therapists seem to be those who feel a combination of the first two. Not just the first one. In the end, working with the client really is the therapist's job, which doesn't have to make the work impersonal and cold, but it does hold the therapist to professional standards. If a therapist only cares about the client's well-being because the client is just such a lovely person or just out of the goodness of the therapist's heart, that's not really going to be a healthy, realistic therapeutic relationship.

On the other hand, the way you said it, it sounds to me like being "just her job" has a very negative affective meaning for you. That is supposed to be of interest to your thwerapist. It speaks a lot about you, about your needs, about how you feel in relationship with her and perhaps in other relationships. If that's all she said to you, I find that pretty dismissive of your feelings and I would feel angry about that if it happened to me.

Besides, like I said, the way she told you that matters. I can imagine my therapist saying something like that in a very warm way and emphasizing how much he cares about me personally even though it's also just as true that working with me and offering me his care is his job. I may or may not be upset about that, to be honest, depending on how I'm feeling at the moment, but in the long run I think that's a good, useful, professional and humane approach. But if he were dismissive of my needs and just said "yes, you're my job. I do care but you're my job" I would be pretty pissed off and quite shocked really.

[sailorboy]

I'll be honest. I would be annoyed if I called ANYONE and they didn't return my call. But I can count on one hand the number of times I've called my T and we've never emailed. I think if that was your T's policy to not return calls, she should have made that clear from the start. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

[TheWell]

I know that if I'm falling apart I can contact my T or my group T and someone will be there for me. I know that there is no guarantee how quickly they will get back to me and I've only used the option a few times, maybe a handful of times, in the many years if been seeing my current T.

I know there are some that are more available than others. I also know that some people would take advantage of a T that was very available...

I guess if you need more contact that you can find a T who is available for emergency calls.

There is also the option of calling a help line if you are struggling.

[shabur]

People are either passionate about their job or they aren't. Those that are invest themselves in it. Some people "can turn it off" at 5pm and on Fridays or they remain available. I am one who was passionate about my job and didn't mind being contacted during my off hours. They needed help and I was able to give it to them.

Yes, a therapist's job is to help people sort out their emotions, to help them find a better life. I want a therapist that is passionate about their job. Fortunately, both of mine are. Both have told me to contact them whenever I feel the need. That is comforting to me. If I'm going to share some of the most intimate and vulnerable parts to my life I want it to be with someone who truly cares about my well being.

[stopdog]

It would piss me off, and I only rarely call the therapist. When I do, and if I ask, the therapists will call me back.
The attitude displayed by the one in the OP's post would not fit well with me.

[browncat]

I would be upset with no call back, but she does need to tell you that from the start as others have mentioned. That wasn't fair. I wouldn't like to think that my therapist was just going through the motions, doing a job. I realize it is a job, but I think a good therapist really does want to help people make positive changes in their lives.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Sometimes things end horribly when clients become more than a job. It's good for T's to have those boundaries. I agree with Ford...letting a day or so go by before returning the call sets a boundary that T will return your call when she gets a chance. There are quite a few therapists out there willing to go above and beyond for their clients who are in most distress or biggest crisis but many will not play that role. Those are the Therapists who usually end up experiencing "burnout".

Personally I would need to search high and low to find another T who functions the way my current Therapist does. There are times where text messaging and calling are crucial to me and other times I can live without it. Sometimes I need to see her frequently and other times once a week will do. I have witnessed her, over the length of a year, slowly burn out. She seems tired now and can't give as much as she was able to before and, in my opinion, that could be damaging to many clients. But I still prefer the extreme version of the humanistic approach. It is more healing to me.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by shabur

People are either passionate about their job or they aren't. Those that are invest themselves in it. Some people "can turn it off" at 5pm and on Fridays or they remain available. I am one who was passionate about my job and didn't mind being contacted during my off hours. They needed help and I was able to give it to them.

Yes, a therapist's job is to help people sort out their emotions, to help them find a better life. I want a therapist that is passionate about their job. Fortunately, both of mine are. Both have told me to contact them whenever I feel the need. That is comforting to me. If I'm going to share some of the most intimate and vulnerable parts to my life I want it to be with someone who truly cares about my well being.

I think you can be passionate about your job, and still set healthy boundaries for yourself.

The original poster's therapist indicated that she was invested in her client's well being.

We may have different definitions of what that means and how we show that investment to the other.

Perhaps the original poster and her therapist can work something out that is mutually beneficial.

I'm not going to lie, if my therapist had told me that it would be a lot to absorb, but with reflection, I could go with it.

[Perna]

I think what "caring" means to us and what "caring" means to another and where we are in our therapy work can make a difference in how we feel. I would have taken a little hope from having T say she was "invested" in my well-being. People work on what is important to them, what they invest themselves in. My T came and went in my life and I'm glad she was there when she was, helped me as she did, that we experienced therapy together. She "showed up" and that was enough for me, was "caring".

[tinyrabbit]

It all depends on how it is said. My T says he doesn't just care about me for an hour a week, that he knows I am sometimes in despair and my despair deserves attention, but there are limits to what he can do outside sessions. I can contact him whenever I want but he won't necessarily respond.

I don't think a good T is necessarily a T who always calls back. Boundaries are important. And if a T always rescues you, that can create a cycle of dependence. You need to work inside sessions to cope outside them.

I think the T described in the original post sounds too harsh and too clinical but it's hard to really know when you don't have the tone of voice. My T has said similar things but much more kindly, eg he said he is sorry he can't be there as much as I want him to be. He said while this is his job, it's not something he does for the money. He used to earn more and gave it up to become a T because this is who he is and he cares about what he does.

I don't think it's about control. I think it's about the T needing to maintain boundaries and also to do what you need, not what you want. I always want my T to reply between sessions but if he did I wouldn't have reached the point I'm at now where I'm a lot more contained and happy between sessions.

[iheartjacques]

My T only has private practice one day a week, so I don't get to do any of that stuff. The practice has a website with some emergency numbers listed, and strategies if you're struggling.

[Favorite Jeans]

I would feel terrible if I told my T I was in a crisis and she didn't get back to me. I guess it is important to lay out what to do and what you can expect from her next time that happens.

The issue of "just a job" has been addressed a lot in this forum. It's a bit of a conundrum because of course without the professional distance, your T ceases to be your T. But the depth of need and attachment can be very intense. My T, for example, believes that the secure attachment of the therapeutic relationship can be healing for me but also has pretty firm boundaries and is minimally available to me outside of session. Intellectually I can grasp the rationale and necessity of all this. I even support it. But you don't attach intellectually, do you? So emotionally I experience her firm boundaries as rejection and meanness and I struggle to believe that this very limited warmth, this severely circumscribed connection, can be healing.