[tealBumblebee]

I think i'm going through T withdrawal. I'm not sure if i'm getting a little hypomanic in addition or this is some serious anxiety/withdrawal over her. She's going on vacation, only for a week, which means we're only going to miss one session and I knew this over a month out. I never worried about it because a few extra days never hurt anybody - plus i'm super excited that she's taking a vacay because most holidays she works (or at least the day before and back the day after). So anything promoting good self care for her - i'm all for.

Yet for some reason, I can't stop thinking about her. I haven't really slept since session (but again i'm not sure i this is the beginning of being hypo or anxiety) and I laid down at 1 am just to wake up at 1:19 am wondering what she was doing on vacation. If she would talk to her kids nightly or throughout the day. Would she be in a dangerous jungle or a romantic bed and breakfast?

I could have easily asked her these questions (she's very open with me) but it wasn't my business and it wasn't pressing for me to know. I finally made a decision around 3:30 that morning to create a vacation for her and tell her all about it when she gets back.

Then I started thinking about our "1 year" session coming up and decide to use this week to make her something nice.

But I can't shake this feeling of needing her here. I don't do this and don't want to throw her for a loop by emailing her (which is allowed) with all these abandonment issues on her last day before vacay (I will not be that client). I started thinking if other people 'crave' their T as much as I do and actually like them as much as I do - T's could really create their own little army of 'protectors'.

It would have likely helped if I allowed her to hug me last session but I felt really sore/sick (though not visible to the eye, it hurt for me just to even sit and do nothing) and honestly, a hug would have hurt. Now I wish I had sucked it up because maybe that was the closure I needed. I emailed her same day to wish her a good trip and have wanted to email her every day this week but I know better.

I know I sound so pathetic but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't attach to people and yet, I have with her. (Actually best friend said he's a little jealous because he's known me 6 years longer than her lol).

Anyways, I didn't write this for advice (though i'd love some) as much as to get it out into the open in hopes that the thoughts will subside some... I reallllly miss her. I'm going through T withdrawal.

[RTerroni]

I sort of have the same thing, I won't be seeing anyone until July 7th (when I start with a new Therapist).

[Leah123]

Awe, I'm very sorry. I've definitely felt this intensely when my therapist was unavailable. It's healing but hard to rely on someone so much.

Everything you're feeling makes sense to me. Everything you're doing, except for maintaining silence, seems really positive.

If it were me, I'd tell myself not to worry about being *that* client, and just to be myself and let her know she matters to me, I'll miss her, and I'd appreciate a reassuring message or whatever you think will help.

Therapy: is it or is it not supposed to be an endurance test. People have differing opinions on that, but for me, the answer is no.

[Aloneandafraid]

I so relate to this. I don't have any advice - just that i relate. Mine goes away for six weeks soon and I don't know if I should be honest as to how much I am going to miss her. I mean really falling apart. She has said I can email her once a week which is really kind of her - but I am afraid it will be read by my H. I just feel so needy and dependent. I HATE THIS.

[tinyrabbit]

I can relate to this too. I think it's a shame you arent allowing yourself to email as it sounds like it might help.

[iheartjacques]

I walked out before last session started, and I'm still hurting. Another two weeks to go. It's going to be awkward. But this t r'ship is the hardest because he only does fortnightly appts. All my others were weekly.

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

I walked out before last session started, and I'm still hurting. Another two weeks to go. It's going to be awkward. But this t r'ship is the hardest because he only does fortnightly appts. All my others were weekly.

I think that t relationships are hard anyway vacations or not. healing, interesting, very unique, all those things too but hard at the same time....

[SeekerOfLife]

Hi Teal. My T will be going on vacation soon too. I really appreciate what you shared. Thanks!!!