[unaluna]

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect | Psych Central

I just noticed this on the other part of psych central. They mention the wire monkey mother. The book is a couple of years old. I hope i dont already have it! But it sounds good - the focus is on neglect rather than abuse.

[Perna]

A wire monkey mother or the book? You buying it, then, without looking to see if you have it in your wonderfully cataloged library?

I think my childhood was a combination. I wasn't talked to enough (neglect, to me), not enough "connection" with my stepmother; was only noticed when I did something wrong and then often harshly/bizarrely punished.

I'm slowly beginning to realize that my mothers emotional unavailability did just as much damage as my fathers abuse.

And yet it is almost impossible to explain it to others. They only focus on the obvious.

There needs to be more out there on this type of thing. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by hankster

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect | Psych Central

I just noticed this on the other part of psych central. They mention the wire monkey mother. The book is a couple of years old. I hope i dont already have it! But it sounds good - the focus is on neglect rather than abuse.

Thanks for mentioning this book! I'm going to the library at lunch to find it! Great reviews on Amazon as well.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by hankster

Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect | Psych Central

I just noticed this on the other part of psych central. They mention the wire monkey mother. The book is a couple of years old. I hope i dont already have it! But it sounds good - the focus is on neglect rather than abuse.

Hankster,

I noticed this book as well and intend to ask my t if she think it would be useful for me to read/us to go over together in session. She has told me that what has caused me the most harm is not what was DONE to me, but what was NOT DONE (emotional neglect).

The other book I considered was "The Emotionally Absent Mother." I mentioned this to my t about 1 year or so ago, but she felt that it would be too triggering for me.

[TheWell]

It is an excellent book. I read it because it's exactly what I grew up with.
I would highly recommend it!

[Eliza Jane]

I recently read (and highlighted!) this book. It felt like such a "fit" for me (T agreed). It made me feel not so alone with my struggles. Highly recommend!!

EJ

[sweepy62]

Thanks, I love to read, I have many ebooks, actually some of us or most, could write great books lol. (Not really funny)

[CameraObscura]

Thanks for posting this book!

I'm at the stage of therapy where I'm also realizing that the lack of emotional bonding and support from my mother had a more profound impact than even the csa later in childhood. It's a difficult thing to realize. My mom was very young when I was born (15), and I was a difficult birth. She wouldn't touch me or have anything to do with me for the first six weeks or so I was alive, my then thirteen year old aunt did the best she could. My mom and I just never chemically bonded, and we've each always felt like the other is some strange alien from another planet.

Her reaction after birth has always been told as a funny family story, and only after processing most of the csa stuff have I been able to see that effects of that lack of early attachment bonding.

tl;dr - I'm going to go buy that book now.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by CameraObscura

Thanks for posting this book!

I'm at the stage of therapy where I'm also realizing that the lack of emotional bonding and support from my mother had a more profound impact than even the csa later in childhood. It's a difficult thing to realize. My mom was very young when I was born (15), and I was a difficult birth. She wouldn't touch me or have anything to do with me for the first six weeks or so I was alive, my then thirteen year old aunt did the best she could. My mom and I just never chemically bonded, and we've each always felt like the other is some strange alien from another planet.

Her reaction after birth has always been told as a funny family story, and only after processing most of the csa stuff have I been able to see that effects of that lack of early attachment bonding.

tl;dr - I'm going to go buy that book now.

Yeah my mother tells some funny family stories about me too and it took me a while to understand that these arent funny, they are about neglect! Duh! But you dont know what you dont know.

[always_wondering]

Thank you. I just purchased the book.

[Salmon77]

Interesting. I have tried to research issues related to neglect in childhood, but it seems like most studies are about child abuse and neglect--as if those were the same. They don't seem so to me.

Thanks.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Interesting. I have tried to research issues related to neglect in childhood, but it seems like most studies are about child abuse and neglect--as if those were the same. They don't seem so to me.

Thanks.

I know - i was googling it myself a few years ago, and it was really hard to home in on any papers or books. I think i eventually got to neglected orphans / reactive attachment disorder. I could see similarities there and my t also followed up on it.

[growlycat]

Childhood neglect is a big issue for me too. Thanks!! I hope to read it soon!!

[musinglizzy]

Having never heard of it before until this post...I checked it out on Amazon, and ordered it. Looking forward to it! I, too, was born to a young mother (16). That was only the beginning.....

[scorpiosis37]

I just browsed the book. I was already well aware that I was emotionally neglected and that my dad was a workaholic/permissive parent-- so it was still nice to read something I could relate to (at least partially). I definitely relate to that feeling of emptiness and the fact that others can't "see" the neglect since I was raised in an upper middle class family. What I can't relate to though is what the book claims are the "effects" of being emotionally neglected-- those don't sound like me at all. It also talks more about moms than dads, and I didn't have a mom-- so I can't relate to that, either. I'm going to read the book in its entirety anyway-- I hope to find more aspects of it that I can relate to and might be helpful.