[GenCat]

Someone once told me, that I was attention seeking. Ive always not felt right about seeing a therapist because im afraid I like the attention I get for an hour. Im starting to think that's what is wrong with me, I want so badly to be noticed and paid attention to that I will pay to get it.

[HazelGirl]

Only you can know for sure. But keep in mind that sometimes people use words like "attention-seeking" "too sensitive" and similar things to invalidate people and shut them up. So evaluate carefully what their intentions behind their words were.

I don't know what you deal with within yourself GenCat, but just like HazelGirl said, often times people that do not understand the turmoil/pain/mental illness that someone else deals with they will label those people as attention seekers...it's one of the worst labels someone can slap on you. When that happens people turn inward on themselves and start to think that is what they are when in reality it is far from it. Like HazelGirl said, evaluate that statement and who it came from. Also, if you can find it in you to do so, you could talk with your T about this statement being said to you and how it affected you and see what your T thinks.

[NowhereUSA]

i think we need people. i think we need to be noticed. growing up my parents ignored my depression and it deeply invalidated me. i like the attention for an hour and that's one of the reasons i go. I need someone to hear me because the people who were supposed to hear me didn't.

i think we can learn from that too. like, how to have healthy relationships because we know what it feels like to be heard and also how to hear (idk, i learn a lot from my t).

but what hazel said. i think people use that kind of thing to invalidate other people. if someone aches for attention, there's usually a good reason and therapy is about helping us find those things.

sorry if i'm rambly.

[ThisWayOut]

to give a different perspective on the whole "attention-seeking" comment; sometimes we need the attention and care from another when we cannot do that ourselves, or when it is no longer practical to do it ourselves. I had a conversation with my T about this a few weeks ago, and have thought about it a lot. I think we (as a society) have villified attention-seeking when it actaully has many benefits. The fact that we need attention does not mean we are bad people, or that we are manipulating anything in a negative way. It just means that we sometimes need help with things.

Even if you come to the conclusion that you are only in therapy "for the attention", there are really a lot of worse ways you could be getting it. At least in therapy you are paying the clinician to sit with you and help you figure things out. Even if you end up bs'ing for the hour, it's a paid hour. It's really up to you how you spend your time and money...

From your other posts though, it sounds like you have some stuff that benefits from therapy. (Also, I really hate the phrase "s/he is just doing it for attention". My dad used to say that about me all the time, when all I ever wanted to do was hide away from any attention at all).

[musinglizzy]

For most of my life, I thought I could just deal with things on my own. That "time heals all wounds". That's bull *****, and it took me to age 40 to finally decide to really seek help. One of the scariest things I've ever done is walk through that door. And then again. And again. I found it "pathetic" that I had to pay someone to listen to me. And I actually kinda snapped that to someone recently. This friend...oh we were SO close at work. We were attached at the hip. But once she got a different job, I learned I was merely a friend of convenience, sad but true. I'm finding that with a lot of people in my life. As long as it's convenient, they're my closest friends. Take the convenience away, and I don't exist. I try to maintain contact, with not much luck. I'm not a "downer," in fact, I can be a really fun person to be around. I put on a good act. Even one of my closest friends complains that she can't "read" me. I hide things so well. And she knows me better than most. Yet can't usually tell how I'm feeling on the inside.

I am one to check up on people out of the blue, just to let them know I'm thinking of them. No one does that for me. So of course, I figured there HAD to be something wrong with me.... or try to strike up a friendship, and that person is hot and cold like the change in weather. I'm having a hard time with people lately. I just don't like them.

Anyway, this first friend I spoke of.... who doesn't have the time of day now that it's not "convenient," knows things are rough right now. Still doesn't even just initiate a check in once in awhile. She had posted a comment on a photo or something on my Facebook page. I wrote her a private message, was in a rather bad mood that day, and one of the things my T is really trying to get me to work on is taking the tape off my mouth. Saying what I feel. Well, told this friend I hoped she was doing well, but I also let her know something I'm going through right now. I wasn't whining about it, just letting her know. guess it was my way of trying to reach out...that I could use a friend. When it appeared that wasn't going to happen, THEN I offered the information that I'm seeing a therapist now. I told her I think it's pretty pathetic that I need to pay someone to listen to me. So, that was basically my giving up on her. I wasn't seeking attention from her, I have, for the past year, been trying to rekindle what's gone. But, I'm not convenient anymore. I'm not just "there." Sad, but true. Our work hours are quite convenient, we both have a couple hours, at least, before kids come home from school. We live 5 minutes apart. She has to drive past my place (basically) to get to hers. We have had a BLAST, both at work, and a few times outside. She's one of the most fun people I know, and I find myself letting my hair down when I'm with her, it rubs off on me. We both have sons the same age, and we both have questionable marriages. And we click. And I check in, I've invited her to stop by sometime, anytime, bring the kids....nope. Not happening.

So, back to the subject at hand..... I don't believe it's attention seeking. I try to think of it as seeing someone who's job is to sit there and listen, but also to provide good feedback to help us get our lives back on track. If we gotta pay for it, we gotta pay. I think my therapist is pretty awesome....I'm proud to be her client. Hopeful that she will help me find the inner resources I need to help myself feel better. With some friends, it's like beating a dead horse. I don't have the time of day anymore, for people who don't have the time of day for me. And if anyone told me I was "attention seeking," I'd really tell them where to go. We are very BRAVE to admit we need help. You are, I am, and everyone on this board. We are brave. Remember that.

[JustShakey]

I'm struggling with this right now too. As a kid I was taught that looking for attention was what bad children did. It's normal for children to look for attention. My six year old comes running to me a hundred times a day wanting me to admire something or other. It's so normal it breaks my heart at times. Now if I were to laugh at her or tell her to stop bothering me with her silliness she would grow up not only not getting the attention that she needs to grow, but thinking that she's a bad person for needing something that's perfectly normal.
I cringe when T praises me or tells me I should be proud of myself. I just feel stupid for not knowing he kind of things that 'normal' people learned at 5 and 6 years old. The child in me wants the praise and attention, but adult me is shamed by it. It just s****.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The good thing about therapy is, we get understanding too. Until we have been 'seen, heard, validated" we run round like a headless chicken and many people may give hugs and dare, dares, but it still isn't enough. Eventually in therapy we get the "right" attention and we get enough.

[Asiablue]

My T said to me this week that it's not "attention-seeking" but " attention-needing". And it's ok to need attention. Everyone needs that.

[melania]

Sonetimes people cant understand that someone really feels so bad.
When my sister dyed pink hair people said - she cant get enough attention thats why she dyed hair pink.
They used to say that my sister and i are trying all the time get special attention to others.
But we just were who we are, we were differen.

All people want some attention, its just normal. And other people like to jugde other. They also use to say- yiu cut yourself because you need attention that everyone look at this and know you feel pain. Maybe there are also some true but i dont believe its the first reason why people do it.

Its easy to jugde and its hard to understand

All of us are in therapy for different reasons.

I struggle with anxiety and depression, and a lot of it is because of lack of support in my “real life”. The majority of people I interact with are emotional takers, not givers. e.g. parents that are abusive, friends that ask for emotional support and aren’t able to give, and a wonderful spouse that works too hard and travels too much to provide consistent day to day support.

What I look for in a therapist is to support me when others can’t, quite simply. One could say I am all about the relationship, and the attention T gives me. I don’t attention-seek in a sense that I create unnecessary drama, but I value being able to talk about what pains me for 50 minutes a week. I need to be listened to, validated, and guided when needed. I don’t consider 50 minutes of T’s time, which I pay for, to be over the top. From a purely medical perspective, having this support keeps me sane (saner, I should say) so I don’t implode and slip into dangerous territory.

There are other issues that I’m currently working through in therapy (my head is still spinning from prior T transference craziness), but caring attention is at the core of what’s making me better.

[Perna]

I think of addiction as an error in focus. If we're just focused on getting attention, if that is what we think of most of our time such that it gets in the way of doing/thinking about anything else in our lives and experience, then it is not likely you would be wondering/asking this question. I think everyone working to improve their experience, their selves asks this question at one time or another. It can be hard working on one's self when one feels like one can't see much in the way of results, especially when working with another/a therapist. The black and white/all or none thinking gets in there and if we are not seeing the results we think we should, then we must just be in it for the ride, must not be working very hard.

[msxyz]

What is wrong with liking the attention one gets for an hour?

[Snoopysmom]

I all but live alone with little support and very few friends. Most of my friends are are mentally unstable and takers. I think I deserve 50 minutes focused on me. I am a major giver with a huge heart. <3

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk