[angelicgoldfish05]

So there have been a couple posts about attachment recently and it has got me thinking about it more. I just found out a family member is in the hospital and I feel nothing about it. In the past, I would have felt sad or scared for them and maybe worry about them. But I don't feel anything. If anything, I'm worried about not feeling anything about it and scared for that. I wonder if a person attaches then leaves, attaches then leaves, over and over again, if there comes a day where the attachment just doesn't come back. I think that must be where I'm at because I have some good memories of this person (the one who is in the hospital), I just can't make the memory come alive enough in my mind to connect to them. I live in a different city than them so I can't go to the hospital and visit. I don't know, it is just different for me and I'm wondering if anyone knows why I would be having this kind of response... why I wouldn't feel connected or sad or scared for this person and why I am just numb. It feels selfish to be posting this when I should probably be totally focused on the person in the hospital, and the other family members.

As for backstory in the situation, I have left home and come to visit and left again several times. I feel distant from my family but this is because I have made the situation this way. I wanted distance on purpose due to an intrusive and enmeshed feeling parental situation and feelings of competition with my sibling.

I also feel like on some level that I won't ever fully attach nor let others fully attach to me because of suicidal thoughts being very intense at times, and when they aren't, always feeling like I could just go at any time (and welcoming that idea) and if it were my time, it would just be my time to go. I've attached to a few romantic partners in the past, but have had those not work out and it tore me apart. Then the one person as of recent that I had been more attached to than anyone (or at least in a different way as far as experiencing the attachment than I've ever known or experienced before) - my exT - I have not heard from him in over 6 months or seen him in almost 2 years. So that attachment is growing more faint and distant as well (as he probably wants it to).

I don't know what I'm looking for in this post, I guess if anyone knows or can relate to this feeling of disconnect with others - even close family members.... Or if this makes sense to anyone else... Or if this makes me a horrible person for not feeling anything about a family member being in the hospital... Or any other thoughts or comments that anyone would like to add, I welcome and appreciate your replies. Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far, it is kind of a long post, sorry.

[kororain]

I don't think it makes you horrible, it just makes you focused on other things and emotionally separate from that person at this point in your life.

I haven't seen most of my extended family in 20 years, so I doubt I could conjure much in the way of emotion if they were in peril. I mean, there's that perfunctory "I wish them well" feeling, but it's not super connected or anything. Just like... you wouldn't wish ill on a stranger, you wouldn't wish ill on this person.

It seems sillier (IMO) to be emotionally invested in someone you're not currently emotionallly connected with. THAT would be the over the top response. What you're experiencing seems normal to me.

But then I'm also super good at cutting people out of my life and never looking back.

[James511]

I've often wondered the same types of things, particularly in the last couple years. I've had a very difficult time with parents and siblings my whole life. Sometimes I feel nothing and then other times I have overwhelming sadness regarding my relationship or lack there of. I could right 10 books on the dynamics of it all. I've wondered if I'm just too lazy to care or just a coping mechanism or maybe both. Anyways, I too can shut down my emotions, especially the older I get. Good luck to you.

[SoupDragon]

I was very attached to my father and not in a healthy way. Years later we had a falling out plus some other traumatic things happened to me and something switched in me. I have not been able to feel much for anything since then. I love being with my children and I know I love them and care for them - but when they are away with their dad, I know I could just get up and leave this place and never return and feel nothing in response to that.

You are not a bad person for feeling what you feel - feelings don't work like that, they are either there or not there.

[stopdog]

Blog post from psych today on attachment:
The Dynamics of Social Networking: Anxiety and Avoidance | Psychology Today

[peaches100]

I feel very attached to my h in a secure way. And pretty attached to my mother-in-law in a secure way. But not with any of my biological family. My attachment to my t is insecure, even after years of therapy. (sigh) I can interact socially with people in a superficial way, but it is extremely difficult for me to let them close to me emotionally. It's actually easier for me to do in email.