Rough session yesterday "Stagnant" "Crisis" Etc

I haven't seen my main T in 3 weeks until last night because of him dropping me down to every 2 weeks plus him being sick one week. I don't know if he was stressed out because of his internship ending or just "done" with me. It was a really rough session. I don't usually cry during therapy, and I really try to keep in under wraps, but it came out yesterday.

He said he was being really curt about how my relationship with my father has become stagnant. I don't know what he expects me to do with my father that's living in my house, who was previously abusive to me and my family. We'd been working on me slowly trying to have a conversation with my father, set boundaries, etc. But I haven't been able to. I shut down, and I told him this. I get angry.

I told him that I feel like I'm on the verge of another mental breakdown with everything going on right now. He asked if my father knew, and I said no. And his response was that he can't help me with my father if he doesn't know. I can't have a relationship with my father, I won't let it happen. I won't forgive him, I want revenge, etc. I'm having nightmares almost every night lately about my father beating my children (havent told T about this either). But the man is living with me right now because he's currently helping us financially and we can't afford this place, and my brother who was helping moved out (BIG LONG ORDEAL).

Then he told me he wants to move away from letting me just "vent" during session because he thinks it reinforces my anxiety and crisis mode. And that he doesn't have the answers for me this session because I'm not taking meds, and I'm only going to 1 group.

I don't know, it was totally not like most of our sessions go. The avoidant part of me doesn't even want to come back in 2 weeks. I'm already planning on not going back to group since they cut it down from 4 hours to 2 hours, and my kids start school soon so I already told them I can't be doing groups. I feel like I'd be better off just handling this on my own, and if I have another breakdown, so be it. Messed up thinking, huh?

I'm already so stressed out with this pregnancy, that between morning sickness and stress, I'm down almost 16 lbs in 7 weeks.

Sorry this is all so jumbled, but I hope you can understand it.

Where is that "what a boob" button when you need it? Seems like you need someone more supportive thru this time in your life.

Please make sure you're eating. Losing weight while pregnant is bad. Your father needs to leave your house ASAP. Even if he's not like he was, he is still stressing you out way too much. He needs to reap what he has sown in terms of having abused you and he needs to go.

Thanks HazelGirl,

1) I am eating, just not a lot. I'm still in the 1st trimester and my morning sickness plus stress keeps me from eating anything remotely fattening. I eat about 1/2 bowl of cereal and maybe a salad a day. I see my doctor next week, so I'll talk to her more about this, but I'm truly trying to eat.

2) I would love for my father to GTFO. But in reality, we can't afford this place on our own right now and we're in a lease until February. My brother refuses to move back with us, and unless my husband gets this job he's applying for, we're basically stuck.

Wow, that sounds really stressful, and your t does not sound like he is helping in the last. I'm sorry you are stuck in this situation ♡

Your T's frustration is a bit understandable, although he should have phrased it differently, perhaps. It is hard to watch someone struggle and not be able to make any changes despite discussing them many times. If you cannot or will not set boundaries with your dad, I can see why your T would feel like you just venting about it is useless.

On a practical note, you might wish to consider that negotiating an early termination on your lease would be less expensive than a breakdown or a health crisis, and certainly less traumatic than something going wrong with your pregnancy as a result of your stress levels.

In my defense, I feel like I've been trying to set boundaries with my father. I actually had a long discussion with him on the phone about a month back about things and what not to do. I just get "stuck" when trying to keep them, if that makes sense.

In my T's defense, I do understand where he's coming from, saying that if I want something to change with between us, it's going to have to be a BIG change from how I deal with my father. He says that little subtle changes won't work with my father, and he'll just keep overstepping boundaries.

I feel like I don't have the energy to make a big change right now with how I deal with my father, and that's where the frustration on both of us comes out.

Keep in mind that a significant change may seem taxing, but will be far less taxing than living with an abuser, having nightmares, putting your whole family at risk, your health at risk, and risking a mental breakdown.